z

Young Writers Society



Hero for Hire: Chapter 9

by Sonder


A/N Yep, we're switching POVs. I just wanted to say that at this point in the story, pacing is going to be crap, POVs are going to hop around, and in general all will be a mess. But I hope you enjoy it, at least a little. :)

Emma/ ZENITH

Rift was acting strange. Well, stranger than normal. Emma (or Happy Zenith, as Rift tended to refer to her) was used to his quips and odd sense of humor, but she was getting none of that today. He hadn't mentioned her dumb gaudy outfit even once. Instead, he was fighting like his life was actually on the line.

His black and white mask gave away no emotion, but he grunted in pain as she wrestled his arms above his head, trying to pin him long enough to qualify as a win. Normally she never got this far. Usually her wins consisted of merely holding him off long enough, but her Status was still on "Pending," so she had to continue to put up appearances.

"Ah!" he cried, fading in and out of view, but still caught fast in her grip.

"Are you okay?" Emma whispered, and his eyes, barely visible in the slits in his mask, shot to hers. "Why haven't you phased away?"

She'd caught him before he'd even made it to the mattress store, before he could even do anything to warrant this arrest.

"A mattress store, really?" Celeste had laughed. She was Emma's roommate and the other Zenith. "He and I destroyed a furniture shop just last week. What does the Program have against home decor?"

Rift yanked one arm away and elbowed her in the chest, but she managed to keep her hold. She swept a leg into his ankles, and he buckled into her.

"Feeling a bit under the weather lately," he gasped, voice ragged. "This is only my first day back." She frowned in concern, even as she pulled handcuffs from her belt. She never wanted to arrest him, but she had to look like she was at least trying.

"Do you need more time off? Are you too sick to do this week?" she asked, hesitating. She almost felt embarrassed for him, at the ease that it took her to hold him still. He must be really sick. Would a fever mess with her abilities like this, too?

His chest heaved, and he shook his head in fury.

"No. I'm fine."

He dropped his weight all at once, causing her to lose her balance, and his skull drove up into her diaphragm at the same time. Zenith gasped in pain and loosened her hold. He kicked her in the stomach. She doubled over, gripping her middle.

"Sorry," she heard him whisper.

When she looked up, eyes watery, only moments later, he was gone.

---

Emma didn't get a new mission for another three days, but Celeste was assigned one with Rift before that. When she got back to the apartment, Emma couldn't help voicing the question that burned on her tongue.

"Is Rift doing alright?"

Celeste paused and shot her a bewildered glance, eyebrow raised. Her bantu knots were fuzzy, messed up by the suit's head covering. "Why would you care?"

Emma had shrugged, adjusted the ball cap she wore over two long, black braids. "He was really struggling last time. Said he was sick."

Celeste snorted, ripping the Zenith goggles from her backpack and throwing them onto the table. Even though Emma wasn't fond of the costume, Celeste held a certain disdain for the hero business that Emma could never hope to achieve.

"He lost like normal. Although," she pulled her shirt over her head, exposing the bright costume underneath. She grabbed her clothes and strode to the bathroom. "Now that you mention it, he wasn't nearly as annoying as usual. Less talkative. I kind of like him like that." She looked up, expression flat. "He should be sick more often."

"Celeste!"

"Just saying." Celeste waved away Emma's disapproving frown. "I think he's okay. He holding his own."

Emma had given a small nod in relief, and then wondered if it was completely wrong to be happy that a villain was doing fine at committing crime.

She cleaned the whole apartment to get her mind off of that.

---

When she did see Rift again, the pair had been hired to hold a staged fight, sponsored by the prominent soda company FizCo. She met Rift on one of the rooftops of the soda factory, the surface riddled with chimneys and air conditioning units. He sat with his legs dangling over the side, his shoulders slumped. The sky was dying a brilliant death on the horizon, and this evening's batch of employees was just starting to file through the main doors.

"Okay, what's the plan?"

He jumped at the sound of her voice, then seemed to wince at the movement. Still sick, maybe.

"Hey Happy." His voice was flat, the humor gone out of it. "I don't have a plan, at the moment."

She cocked her head and came up beside him. "Maybe we could do some of those fun flip moves we did that one time at the insurance place?" She shrugged. "Just don't scare the workers too bad. Enough to call 911 and the media, not enough to need it. I was thinking you can fall through the roof to get the ball rolling, and I follow."

"Ah." He fidgeted with his sleeves, black gloves gliding over his watch. It looked slightly larger than hers. Maybe he'd gotten an upgrade. "About that."

He glanced at her, and his mask shifted in a way that made her think that he was trying to smile. "I'm still not 100%. Can we avoid roof debacles today?"

"Sure," she said, hesitating, trying to stifle the concern in her gut. If the Program thought that Rift's performances were losing their energy, he could be reassigned to a lower tier, for lower pay. And even though their fights were always too easy for her, especially compared to some of the other villains she had been assigned to, Emma had to admit that she liked working with him. He tried his best, and he was kind to her in the midst of it all. He seemed to be in the same boat as her-- a broke college student with few options but this-- only he had definitely been given the shorter end of the stick.

He continued. "I'll go in one of the employee entrances, and make a big appearance in one of the main workrooms, one with enough space for a good brawl. When enough cameras are rolling, you burst in. Sound okay?"

He sounded drained, like even discussing the plan tired him out.

Emma knew the feeling of burnout well. At one point, she'd feared that she'd had to drop out completely due to exhaustion and time pressure. She couldn't balance such a big persona on top of her pre-med degree. But then the Program had hired another Zenith, Celeste, to take away some of the pressure. She'd managed to co-maintain the hero ever since.

"Sounds good," she said, forcing her normal cheery tone into her words. She felt that Rift needed it.

He rose stiffly to his feet, rolled his shoulders, and promptly jumped from the roof to the one below, about two stories down. He landed with a roll and popped back to his feet, then ran across the rooftop, towards the main entrance.

Emma watched him go. She shouldn't have been worried about him. He was just a coworker, and not one that she could afford to get close to. He'd either recover, or the Program would find a new villain for her and Celeste. But she couldn't help but see him as he was, a young man struggling with more than she knew, as she watched him disappear into the dark.

She waited on the roof for a good bit of it, kicking her legs and relaxing in the fading warmth of the sunset. It was taking him way longer than Emma expected. No one was screaming, no police sirens had been sounded. Not yet, at least.

She waited a few minutes more, just in case. Maybe he was snooping around for fun, dodging through walls with that power of his.

After waiting for far longer than necessary, she sighed, then rose to her feet. She jumped down a few stories until she found a side door, but when she rattled the handle, she found it was locked. She went around to the main doors.

The clear glass automatics clearly displayed the chaos that was unfolding in the lobby.

Rift was holding a gun and a hostage-- a teary, balding man in his upper years. Blood trickled from the man's temple and was staining the front of his wrinkled suit. The supervillain held him by the scruff of his neck, shaking him and shouting something. Despite the fact that his attention was clearly only on the man before him, a small cluster of employees had flattened themselves to the walls and quaked in fear. Rift held the gun loosely in his free hand, but made no move to threaten anyone with it.

She squinted in confusion at the scene. This wasn't the plan. And why had he targeted that man? It wasn't like him to attack civilians.

Emma expected the glass doors to open for a hot second before realizing that they were locked, too. Was that Rift's doing, or just a security measure? It wasn't much like him to block the exits.

He noticed her by the door and shouted something, raising the gun. Emma leapt to the side as a bullet tore through the glass, shattering it. Glass shards rained down on her, but she was up on her feet in seconds.

"Rift!" she cried, generating plasma orbs in her hands as she stalked through the ruined doorway. She immediately assumed her other persona, the ultra-confident Zenith. "Get away from them!"

He swung towards her, chest heaving. The older man yelped. Her blood chilled at the sight of Rift like this, wild and dangerous.

"Zenith," he shouted, and there was something in his voice that made her stomach twist.

Something's very wrong. This was supposed to all be an act, but if guns and civilians were involved, the risk of it getting messier than intended was much higher. They had only intended to scare them and get the cameras rolling. What was going on?

Her palms burned with the rippling plasma. "Let him go, Rift."

The man's expression melted in relief, but Rift looked around wildly, as if searching for something.

"This man! He's done something, he locked the doors--"

"Let him go," she hissed, irritation rising in her stomach. "We can't worry about that right now." What was he thinking? Hostages were beyond some dumb promotional fight. This was all a big mess.

"I can't. I don't know what it is, but something's about to happen, and he knows."

She pressed the plasma orbs together, trying to edge her way between Rift and as many employees as she could. Some of the them squeaked and ran past her, towards the door, seizing at their chance to escape. Sweat broke out of her forehead at the concentration needed to keep the plasma alive. She had to let it go soon, or the energy would backfire and tear through her.

"Zenith!" Rift shouted, jamming the gun into the man's temple. He backed away into the hall, dragging the poor man with him. The man clasped at Rift's hands around his collar, his eyes wide with terror.

Emma ground her teeth. She liked Rift, she really did, but if it came between him and protecting innocents, she was going to do her job. Her real job.

"Please. I need you to help me figure this out--"

Emma didn't let him finish. She shot off a blast over his head, a warning shot.

Rift flinched, and the man dropped to the ground with a grunt. Zenith swept forward and kicked the villain in the chest, sending him flying down the hall. He fizzed out of sight before he could crash into the tile floor, and reappeared a moment later, back on his feet.

Emma planted herself between him and the man. "Explain, Rift. Without a hostage."

She heard the sound of the man scrambling to his feet, panting, and running back down the hall, towards the exit.

"No!" Rift howled, lunging forward. "You can't! If he's gone, everything will--"

At that moment, Zenith registered a low rumble in her chest. The floor began to quiver beneath her feet. She stepped back.

"What?"

Rift grabbed her arm. His hand was slick with blood. Whose, she didn't know.

"Come on!"

She let him pull her towards the entrance, but it was too late. There was a concussive boom, and she flew off her feet. Rift landed beside her with a groan. The floor rippled before them, then cracked into jagged canyons. Rift yanked her back up, and they sprinted towards the exit, maneuvering around the fissures best they could. Sweat poured from her face as the temperature in the hallway shot up. Flames licked the walls, appearing out of nowhere.

That was when she recognized her mistake: The man had triggered a bomb. And she had let him.

Subscribe to Hero for Hire for weekly updates!


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
1085 Reviews


Points: 90000
Reviews: 1085

Donate
Mon Sep 03, 2018 4:05 am
View Likes
Mea wrote a review...



*grumbles about this already being out of the Green Room despite it being mere hours since it was posted*

So I'm back again as always!

Holy dang. Holy dang. Just, have I mentioned I really love this novel?

And okay, this is going to sound wild because I know you're super unsure about this chapter and where the novel's heading as a whole, but this really works for me. Why? Because the very last chapter ended with the beginnings of a plan. Now, what you could have done is have us follow Eli all through while he's trying to get the technological powers to work, see him feeling sick as he tries to recover from the pills. But I think that would be less interesting - like I said in my last review, the thought of it wasn't that interesting to me. And on the other hand, the little short scenes at the beginning just work. I feel like it's one of those montage scenes in a movie, but from the other side, and it really helps preserve suspense and mystery (because though we vaguely know the cause of Eli's troubles, we don't know everything), and we get to know Celeste and Emma a lot better, which is also good.

She cleaned the whole apartment to get her mind off of that.

I really liked this line a lot. I like how you keep the conflict of what they're doing not too obvious, but very prevalent. I also really liked the conversation between her and Celeste - how Celeste is disdainful, but then does actually answer the question after a moment. If she hadn't done that, I'd really dislike her, but instead I do like her.

And then we get to the big bombshell - the "staged" fight and, well, the bomb. Again, not being in Eli's head really helps the suspense, plus we get to see Emma's priorities and how she works under pressure. It also totally makes sense that the Program is now probably actively trying to kill Eli, and I'm super happy we didn't take long to get to that. Though I'm surprised they're going to risk Zenith getting hurt/killed by it.

Also I want to add I still have lots of questions about the whole staged fight thing. So the impression I get is that sometimes Rift is hired to actually do something "evil", like steal or vandalize or something, and then a good portion of the time Zenith is specifically sent to stop him, and while neither of them are trying to kill each other, it's also a genuine contest. And then I guess there's times like these, where it's all totally for the cameras? But why would it sometimes be for the cameras and sometimes not? I'm still really curious how much the average member of the public knows about these superheroes - are the bigger heroes like celebrities, or are they seen more like a strange police force, or like stars in some sort of reality TV show? Where do they think the powers come from?

Another thing I noticed was how Emma's powers affect her here. You do say that it's hard for her to hold the plasma for long, and if she waits too long it'll backfire on her, but it does feel like her powers don't hurt her as much as Eli's, and I'm really curious to know if there's a reason for it.

One small qualm - the last line didn't quite work for me. It was partially because it felt like stating the obvious? And also that "fatal" is probably not intended to be literal, but kind of reads like it is.

And that's all I've got! Mostly gushing and questions, but man, I really enjoyed this chapter. It felt like a whole fresh dynamic, and a huge raising of the stakes. Can't wait for the next.




Sonder says...


Hi new college buddy! :D I'm so glad to hear it's been going well, btw! And you know how crazy it is, so that's why I'm only responding now haha

Holy dang. Holy dang. Just, have I mentioned I really love this novel?


okay, just gonna keep this in a special place to look at whenever I start hating on this mess <333

And I'm seriously so glad that you approve of the POV switch. Your points about it being more like a montage with suspense was exactly my line of thinking. I think it can be improved exponentially with review, but honestly, this encouraged me so much!

You have so many great questions about the Program, the fights, the public... I think? that I know the answers in theory but presenting them in the actual story is difficult, because I don't want to info dump and I want to keep the story moving, but I know it continues to trip readers (and myself) up as we go. So.

I think the distinction is mostly between whether the fights are sponsored by two opposing companies, or one. If there are two companies involved, they want their fighter (hero or villain) to win, so the amount of money they sponsor throughout matters, and the two fighters have genuine motivations to win. On the other hand, if it's just a staged fight for promotion for one company, like the pop factory here, the end game is predetermined, so there's less stress on winning (because Rift/ Zenith already know who will win in the end) and more emphasis on making it a good show to draw attention to the sponsoring company. Idk if that makes sense and I've obviously not demonstrated it very well but those are the guidelines I'm going off of. As for the public, they know of heroes and villains, but they don't know who is genuine and who isn't, because there are plenty of biological (developed naturally) heroes/ villains out there who are just doing what they do because they want to, no Program attached. So regular citizens just go about their days hoping to avoid contact with supers, because you never know if one will actually want to hurt you or not. I think the bigger heroes are a bit like celebrities, and the Program would want its heroes to be bigger stars because a Big Name = Big Bucks. But yeah. That needs to be worked on, too.

Thank you so much for all your points. I say this every time but they are so so helpful! <3 You rock!



Mea says...


Ooooh I didn't realize there were real supers in this world! I think you're right that the other stuff doesn't necessarily need to be really explicit in the text about how it works, but it would be really good to know there's real supers. And the stuff about the companies and who's hiring makes a *lot* more sense.

And <333



Sonder says...


yeah, that's another thing that should be made clearer. >.< there's so many holes that I swear I've thought through but also so many that I haven't considered hahaha

<333



Mea says...


(Also I feel the need to add that I am currently in the middle of reading two published books, one of which I really don't like, and one of which is okay but not great, and I'm really wishing I had your book to read instead.)



User avatar
1162 Reviews


Points: 32055
Reviews: 1162

Donate
Sun Sep 02, 2018 11:58 pm
View Likes
Carlito wrote a review...



Hello again!!

I don't hate the idea of multiple POV for this story. We've gotten to know Eli so well at this point it's kind of cool to see him from a different POV. Is this the time to introduce a new POV and the fact that this will be multiple POV, probably not :p But I think you know that and you're just exploring right now which is 100% okay. We'll get it all figured out after this draft is finished :)

I was a little confused at first that there are two Zeniths. Has that been mentioned before? I like that they're roommates, and that makes me think about the Atlas/Eli/Sebastian situation again. I feel like once someone is in the program they lose a lot of control over their life and that the program probably orchestrates a lot of things. I have a feeling it's not an accident that Emma and Celeste live together, it makes being Zenith way more convenient. I also get why Atlas/Eli live together because they're both super villains. However, I don't get why the Program would allow Sebastian to live there as well. Sebastian isn't stupid. Surely the Program knows that eventually Sebastian is going to get suspicious and figure something out....

I love that we get to see how much Emma cares for Eli. It's so interesting that Emma and Eli came into this the same way - looking for money to help with college, and yet their trajectories are totally different. I love that Emma is a super empathic person who understands Eli's struggles and wants to make things as easy as possible for him while still doing her job.

So there at the end when she sees Eli with a hostage, my first thought was Eli hasn't been taking his meds or he's been doing something to skirt the system and now it's impacting his thinking and how he carries out missions. But, I totally get why it went down this way! And now at the end my thought was are they trying to do them in the same way they did Atlas?????? I mean surely this has to be coming from the Program. Unless there's a vigilante group trying to overthrow super villains or the program on their own....

My biggest qualm with this segment was that we didn't get enough time with each little scene that happened. I think Zenith could easily have her own POV (although to make it less confusing for the reader you might want to do Emma's POV or Celeste's POV, my money is on Emma for the record). If you keep a Zenith/Emma POV, you'll want it pretty consistent throughout and these scenes could easily be broken up into a few different chapters spread through what you already have. We'll figure it out later :)

As always, looking forward to reading on!! Let me know if you have any questions or if you'd like feedback about something I didn't mention! :D




Sonder says...


finally found time to respond to this wonderful review!

I love your feedback. Honestly, it's so so helpful. Thank you, again. <3

I agree that I haven't handled Zenith very well, with clarity and whatnot. I tried to have Eli distinguish them in the first chapter with Grumpy/ Happy Zenith, but I'll have to explore ways to make that more obvious. One options would be made possible if I switched POVs earlier on, so that we could get more interaction between the two of them.

Good point about Seb. I was wondering about that issue myself, and now I'm leaning towards just having him be a best friend who lives elsewhere, while the two villains (Eli and Atlas) are roommates.

Thank you so much! I really appreciate it. I'll definitely be struggling with the multi-POV dilemma further and I'm grateful for your understanding with that. :)



User avatar
1735 Reviews


Points: 91980
Reviews: 1735

Donate
Sun Sep 02, 2018 10:11 pm
View Likes
BluesClues wrote a review...



Okay, I love that the two Zeniths are roommates. AND you get 10 points to Gryffindor for actually having a character comment on the furniture store then mattress store. I love that particular method for dealing with potential minor issues in a manuscript, where you just have the character comment on it before any readers can go, "Uhhh, you already used a furniture store and now you're using a mattress store? C'mon bro."

I also love how Emma and Eli are definitely friends even though they're literally fighting each other. Like, they have to put on a good show, but they keep apologizing for beating each other up and stuff. On that note (sort of), only because Emma asked what's wrong, does Emma know Atlas? does Emma know Pyro? does Emma know that Atlas/Pyro is hospitalized? does Emma know...oh, wait...I was going to ask if she knows Eli and Atlas are roommates, but presumably she doesn't know Eli is Rift, so never mind. Actually, I guess the fact that she doesn't know Eli is Rift could make it so she wouldn't connect Atlas/Pyro's condition with Rift's current state, but at the same time there could potentially be a logical connect in that something super (ha) terrible happened to a villain, and Rift is also a villain. But it's sort of a tenuous connection, so whatever.

I continue to love Celeste, who I may continue to just call grumpy Zenith because I'm having a hard time letting go of that. Does the Program try to put people together as one superhero who have a similar fighting style or anything to make it seem like one person? or do they not care that much about a single hero's consistency? do they choose people based on the fact that they're roommates, to make secrecy easier, or did Celeste and Emma become roommates afterwards, or is this a happy accident? I admit I'm a little impressed that the Program actually gave her someone to help with burnout rather than just using her up and then casting her aside and replacing her.

Although that does raise the question of, why would they fire or demote Eli rather than giving him a co-villain? Then again, he loses all the time, so they probably wouldn't want to invest in him that way.

soda company I thought you said this was Ohio it is POP young lady
midwesternness intensifies
//OPE//


The sky was dying a brilliant death on the horizon


omg beautiful what even

uh oh what is going on with this gun situation I am Concerned
oh NO what does Eli know that we don't know right now or has he finally snapped

OH GOSH WAIT HOW CAN YOU LEAVE OFF THERE

Do you like how my review totally deteriorated toward the end? but IN MY DEFENSE you suddenly threw a gun in there and Eli acting all erratic and a bomb and WHAT IS GOING ON RN and basically at this point my only feedback is WRITE THE NEXT CHAPTER RIGHT THIS MINUTE even though you can't because LMS




Sonder says...


oops I never responded because my life is a tornado

soda company I thought you said this was Ohio it is POP young lady
midwesternness intensifies
//OPE//


OKAY IN MY DEFENSE my parents (from Ohio and Michigan) both studied in New York for a long time and everyone made fun of them saying "pop" so much that they switched over, so we say both in my house, despite the fact that we live in Ohio. SO. I will probably change it to be true to the Ohio-ness of the setting but GOLLY I have a REASON

buddy thank you so much for your reviews, I seriously love your live reaction style haha <333

I am simultaneously super excited for the rest of the novel but also completely terrified and confused because this? is where planning is out the window so it'll be fun



BluesClues says...


I'm actually laughing now bc my dad is from NY but my mom is from MI so it was a long-running household debate as to whether it was "soda" or "pop" until the people compromised and the great peace treaty of "we will call it soda in NY and pop in MI unless the word 'soda' is actually part of the brand name, as in Jones Soda" was born.

I am simultaneously super excited for the rest of the novel but also completely terrified and confused because this? is where planning is out the window so it'll be fun


BOOD

I want to tell you it'll be fine but
well
you've read my story



Sonder says...


hahaha so you know the struggle! for both soda and novel writing, oof.

But I loved your novel, so there's hope yet!




Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don't.
— Bill Nye