Freckles

A poem that overflows tenderness.

Thank you all (:

First off, thanks for inviting me. *refers to be has harsh as possible*

SoggyPoptart wrote:A face...
God made yours.
Your mother carried you for nine months.
She didn't get a glimpse or even a sneak peek of what your face may bring.
A face so perfect.
The word 'perfect' seems only minor. Okay, so. This is very direct, which is very boring. I know what you're saying is ment to be importent, but it's not. Why does it matter how your mother carried you? You could easily sum this entire stanza up as God made your face, and your mother didn't care how it looked, it'd be perfect to her.

Over explaination can be usless expalination, such as mentioning that your mom carried you for nine months. You can just say that she carried you. We know that a mother usually carries their child for 9 months, so that's kinda usless. That's just a redicously good example of over describing, a useless and over descrbied line.

And similies or metaphors / personification / other poetic devices can really help to make this more entertaining. Saying god made you like a toy and your perfect to play with your mother's heart. Something that helps to show us how these things happen. Instead of directly stating them.
A face...
God didn't hurry to make yours.
He took his time,
asked opinons of his angels. Why does it matter if he asked the opinions of his angels?
He sculpted, cut, colored, moved, shaped, and pasted. Why does this matter? You already said that god made your face before this stanaza entirely. So this is kinda out of order, this should be your first stanza. And you're not showing over telling, this is still direct and boring.

Why do all those actions matter? Honestly, they don't. You don't need all those actions to try and show how much work was put into it. It's better if you use a simile or a metaphor to help show this. And cut down the actions to the ones that you can best work with, or the ones that go hand-in-hand the best. Like sculpting and shaping and cutting. Those are all actions you'd apply to a statue. So they fit togeather and can be explained with one metaphor or simile.
A face...
Finally finished.
God smiles, kisses your forehead.
"Believe in me, child. For you are work of mine."
The Lord cupped his hands together,
and blew glitter on your face.
When you grow up, they will become freckles. Now why does this matter? At first I thought this was going to be a poem about how people dislike their own faces and how god makes you perfect and all that. But I was wrong, you don't have a point, other than describing where freckles came from. You didn't even need to write this poem, you could have just said: God takes his time with your face, your mother will love it and freckles came from holy glitter! That's pretty much all your poem really says.

Overall, very cute and very loving. It strikes a place with my own freckled face. I appreciate the way you bring that topic that we hear so many times to new light. It's a good new way to say God made you that way: love it. The whole mother part seemed a little out of place though; I was uncertain what the point of including it was, unless to just demonstrate a contrast.

I loved it! It was so cute! my only problem with it was

She didn't get a glimpse or even a sneak peek of what your face may bring.
A face so perfect.
The word 'perfect' seems only minor.

First line seems to long
Second and third need to be one sentence on 2 lines. Yuo know, a comma at the end of perfect.