My therapist, Mr. Samuel Fregi, told me that documenting my life, writing everything down, would be good for me. It would be kind of like closure. It would help me process my feelings. I didn’t believe him when he said it, but now I’m desperate.
I’ve been getting worse. I know why. It was his birthday yesterday.The day he was born and the day he died.. This has happened every year since he died. But I’m hoping Mr. Samuel Fregi is right. I hope this helps, because I have a family now. This can’t keep happening, I have a son on the way. He's due in January. I have a wife who I love, who can’t stand to see me like this. I know I can’t stand to see her when I’m like this.
Initially, Mr. Samuel Fregi had wanted me to use a journal, but I have never been the journaling type. So I asked if writing what happened in a story format would have the same effect. He said yes, so here we are.
My dear wife, my son, I hope if you read this you don't think of me any different. I apologize in advance for anything I say that may disturb you in any way. To my lovely wife Irene, I love you. And to my son, I look forward to your arrival more and more as each day passes. My son, although I haven’t met you yet, I know that I will cherish every second with you. I’m already so proud of you, and I can’t wait to see who you grow up to be. I will love and accept you no matter what. I wish that was something my parents would have said when I was little.
Lastly, Fisher. Though you aren’t here with me anymore, I feel that I must write about you here, alongside the people I love. There were many things I never got to tell you. Things I should have told you long ago. Maybe that’s why this still happens every year. Maybe Mr. Samuel Fregi knows and that’s why he wants me to write this. I hope, in this little story that was our time together, I get to say to you the things I never could. The one thing I regret the most. I should have told you before you died. I should have told you at your funeral. I should have whispered, yelled, or screamed it when I found your lifeless body hanging from the ceiling.
I love you.
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