Published October 18, 2011
Leaning against the wall
with scratched hands and flesh
eyes half-opened and looked down
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Canary word: Present
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139,517 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
Hello Snoweary, I really love reading your poems. There aren't many thing grammatically wrong with the poem.
1. You have "there she hide" i think that it should be hides, but that's just a miniscule error
2. You also have " with mumbling echos surround her" you either need to change surround into surrounding or with to where to make that sentence work
3. you also have " offering a fountain of believe" I think that should be be fountain of belief.
Besides that I like your poem. Keep writing!
Thank you.
i will write more as writing is my passion. Thank you.
Fantastic, I loved every bit of it. Each piece did not stand alone, it flowed well. All part of a whole that was quite a pleasure to read. Even the short pieces like,"she'll be alone" served as a solid bridge between the foundation (visual descriptions) and the building stanzas (the emotions). But you leave me slightly unsatisfied, write more
Thank you so much for your comment!
Yes, I agree that the word should be belief. I really appreciate your comment for me to improve my English. For your information, i am taking English as my third language and was hoping that this website can help me.
You can have the poem for her.
I am sorry to hear about your friend. I hope that everything will be okay.
Wow, I really loved it! I'm in shock at how much emotion I pulled from the first line. Though in this stanza:
The I was thrown out from the strange wording. Maybe instead of believe you could use the fountain of belief.
My favorite part was:
That is exactly how it feels when there is grief. This really fit my mood when I read it. Since I lost a friend lately and the other is in the hospital. The one in the hospital will be fine, and if it would be okay with you, I'd like to give her this poem on a card. That okay?
Deathcurrent