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Hiya snowmonkey9!

Temptress here to give you a review!

Let's begin, shall we?

I didn't notice any grammar/spelling mistakes so that's always good.


I can definitely relate to this on a very personal level. I love how you wrote about many people can relate to. It helps when your readers can relate to to what you're writing about!

Now the poem was pretty short, but that's okay. I suggest making it a bit longer to maybe emphasize your point a bit more. However, that is completely up to you.

Anyways the poem was very good and I can't wait to read more of your works!

Message me anytime!

~Temptress~

Hello snowmonkey9,

I've said it before and i'll say it once more, age is definitely an underrated thing in literature and the fact that you have written and published your own poems at 13 is incredible, as well as being a positive sign of improvements being made as early as possible.

Anyway, i'm here to review so let's begin!

Because of the shortness of the poem i'd expect no grammar/spelling mistakes at all, and you succeeded. I don't know if it's just me but I can't stress how important it is to read your work back and correct any word issues, whether it's to do with the flow or grammar itself.

My recommendation for the 4th line would be to change the repetition.This won't affect the flow or how we read it at all. If you say 'But they -have- rooted deeper instead' it still has that longer continuation compared to the first two lines and sounds better in my opinion.

Alot of poets don't use commas at the end of the lines, so I don't technically penalise people on here for not using the punctuation. My advice would be to still put them though or you're inviting people to read it at the wrong pace.

There is a tiny nitpick though at the end. 'Until my mind you shred' This feels forced and like you just tried to fill it in with another word that rhymes with 'spread'.I would endorse reading out loud to make sense of the appropriate style of the poem that has continued throughout until the last line.Don't just pick a random rhyming word

Other than that, I think you did a good job for this - taking into consideration the time limit as well.

If you have any questions in regards to my review or anything else within reason, please don't hesitate to PM me!

PenmanshipPriority

Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started.

A bunch of lines are in need of commas, if that is how you want to style the poem. Those lines would be "Every harsh word you've said", "I wish your words had long fled", "With each cruel word I'm fed" and lastly "The insults spread and spread ". Otherwise everything flows well.

Now is when I dissect your poem and see if I can't get its meaning right! So, in your poem you are telling us, the reader, that someone has been saying mea things about you, things that lodge into your brain like a parasite and don't leave for a long while. You wish they would leave but they normally don't and because of that the words have a worse effect on you. One after another you cry, the tears never stopping, and your brain is tearing itself apart at the seems because of these ugly thoughts that cloud your brain.

Carly's corner:
Good-day first of. Nice piece right there. Like I was wowed away(if there's anything like that), and sincerely there's not so much wrong with this work.

Your last line though:
** Until my mind you shred**
The rhyme felt forced. Like you were trying so hard to maintain something you started, which us a good thing anyway. But next time, when trying to maintain a rhyme pattern, try opting for more options and read it aloud to yourself, how it feels and sounds for you. Do not just settle for the first rhyme that comes in your mind.