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Overall, I think this is a realistic, and incredibly well written piece. It's descriptions are great and true to what I've heard from war veterans.

First stanza definitely is a great attention grabber, and I loved it very much. Definitely caught my attention.

Second and especially third stanzas hit very hard, good amount of syllables, and great rhyming.

Fourth stanza was very good too, rhyming is still inspired, it could be made even better if the first and third lines of the stanza rhymed too.

The rest of it is all great too, and maybe it's my tiredness, but I can't think of many ways to improve other than little grammar nitpicks. Great work, keep it up.

Hi snowmonkey9! Pearl here for a quick review

I'm going to review this stanza by stanza, though overall I think this is great.

1st stanza
''God, please let the night wash away the sins of the day.
Grant me this Lord, and no more will I pray.''
I might say 'Grant me this, dear Lord, and no more will I pray', as it flows a bit better.

2nd stanza
''It's been three years now that I've carried this gun.
I fear I know not what I have done.''
If it were me I'd change this up a bit, punctuation wise -
'It's been three years now, that I've carried this gun,
and I fear I know not what I've done.'

3rd stanza
''Many are the villages and towns we've plundered,
While overhead the cannons thundered.''
Nothing to change here!

4th stanza
''The generals in the back urged us on.
"This is just war," they said.
They thought not at all of the blood
And tears that shed.''
This stanza has different structure than the other ones, as the other rhyme aabb, whereas this rhymes abab. Does that make any sense?
But leaving the structure as it is, I would add 'we' between 'that' and 'shed':
'And tear that we shed'.

5th stanza
''If for me there is a tomorrow 
I shall spend it bent in sorrow.''
Nothing I would change

6th stanza
''No longer can I look in the mirror, 
For I have sacrificed all I've ever held dear.''
Again, nothing to change!

7th stanza/last stanza
''Lord, please let this night wash away my sin.''
End on the point you're trying to get across ... love it!

So like I said, overall, I LOVE this poem ... truth be told, I a wee bit jealous
Of course, these are all my opinions and you don't have to change anything if you don't want to.
I'm telling you truthfully, keep writing!

~Pearl

Hello, hello, for maybe the third time. You know who I am and I'm here to review one of your poems...again. Heh. My words will have a ^ next to it.



God, please let the night wash away the sins of the day.

Grant me this Lord, and no more will I pray.

^ I believe the first stanza was a great starter for this poem. The rhyming goes along quite nicely and the spelling was nice.
-

It's been three years now that I've carried this gun.

I fear I know not what I have done.

^ The last line of this stanza sounds a tiny bit weird compared to the line it goes with. I believe it could we worded differently. Instead of what you have, maybe change it to: "I fear I do not know what I have done." It still rhymes and goes along a bit smoother.
-

Many are the villages and towns we've plundered,

While overhead the cannons thundered.

^ I really like this stanza. It gives me a feeling that a war is going on, and they're hurting people they don't want to.

-

The generals in the back urged us on.

"This is just war," they said.

They thought not at all of the blood

And tears that shed.

^ I would suggest wording the third line in this stanza a bit differently. Maybe something to: "They didn't think about all of the blood."
-

If for me there is a tomorrow

I shall spend it bent in sorrow.

^ I don't have much to say about this stanza. The rhyming goes smoothly and it tells a deep meaning, which was handled well.

-

No longer can I look in the mirror,

For I have sacrificed all I've ever held dear.

^ Again, not much to say. I wouldn't change anything in this stanza, it's written pretty good.
-

Lord, please let this night wash away my sin.

^ This line ended the poem amazingly.. Poems that end with one line in said stanza appeal to me more, it gives me a mysterious feeling.

Overall, this poem was written amazingly. Some lines sounded a bit weird when read, but that's not a really big deal.

Keep writing! And happy Independence Day!
~gxldencrxwns