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Conqueror Rising: Chapter 1.1

by Snoink


“Can you imagine? They’re going to throw a ball for me tonight. A ball! For me! Tonight! Can you imagine?” Alainna sat up on the bed and beamed at Solea. “After all, why shouldn’t they? It is my birthday tonight. My sixteenth birthday!”

Solea glanced up at her from her writing and frowned briefly at the bed before returning to the paper. “Yes, a very nice gesture,” she said blankly, continuing to write.

“Of course, not that everybody gets a ball for a birthday party,” Alainna continued happily. “You probably won’t get a ball for your sixteenth birthday. After all, you’re not the Lady, like I am. But, what a nice gesture, don’t you think?” When Solea didn’t respond, she leaned over and squinted at what Solea had written. “Are you writing my paper yet? It’s due tomorrow.”

“Not yet,” Solea replied. “Still working on mine.”

“Well, you better work faster. Otherwise, you’ll miss the ball.” Alainna sighed heavily and clapped her hands. “A ball! For me! Just imagine.” Suddenly she frowned. “Do you think there will be any men there?”

Solea suddenly grinned and looked up from her work. “Father will be there,” she said brightly. “He said he was going to help bring in the wine.”

Alainna scowled at Solea. “You know exactly what I meant!” she snapped. “I meant men to meet! I will be sixteen, after all. Why, that’s old enough to marry! And if I am the Lady, that means that Diamea must have been reborn somewhere in this world, waiting for me.”

“I thought he didn’t have his memories either,” Solea said. “Isn’t he some random man now that nobody recognizes as Diamea? How should he know that he’s supposed to wait for you?”

Alainna glared at Solea. “He is supposed to wait for me! That’s what everyone says.” She flopped back on the bed, looking irritated. Then she laughed. “Wouldn’t it be funny if I met Diamea there at the ball? Just imagine!”

“I doubt it,” Solea said. “The headmistress is in charge of the guest list, remember? Though, if you would like, I can start wedding planning, just in case.”

Alainna groaned. “If the headmistress is in charge of the guest list, then there might not be any men at all. It’s irritating. You would think that men were poisonous by the way she keeps them out of our school. She’ll let in Black Swans in for a visit before she’ll bring in a man, and Black Swans are actually poisonous!” Alainna paused thoughtfully. “There are a bunch of Black Swans invited to the ball, aren’t there?”

“I think so,” Solea said, turning back to her writing.

Alainna sighed. “That’s what I thought. I think my mother said that your father was coming too.”

Solea pressed so hard on her quill that she made an inkblot. She cursed and glared at Alainna. “He’s your father too now, remember?” she said irritably, setting down her quill and fetching out her ink blotter from a drawer. “He adopted you! And of course he’s coming! He promised to help bring in the wine, remember?”

Alainna glared back at Solea. “I didn’t mean Theron! I meant your real father. Your Black Swan father. Uclepidies. Remember?”

Solea flinched at the words. “Oh,” she said lamely. “Him.” Her cheeks began to burn and there were many things that she wanted to say. But instead, she only said bitterly, “You mean your son? You can call him that just as easily, Lady. You don’t need to refer to him as my father.”

“Oh, stop being dramatic,” Alainna said crossly. “I didn’t mean any harm. You know I don’t have any memories of being their mother, even if I am the Lady. And you don’t need to be so condescending either! All I meant to say is that I think Mother said that Uclepidies was coming too. Though, I can’t imagine what he would do at a ball. It’s not as though he can move very easily. Can you imagine him dancing?”

“He’ll just sit by the fire and do nothing, just like he always does,” Solea snapped, poking at her paper and wishing the inkblot would dry faster so that she could ignore Alainna more easily.

“Perhaps,” Alainna said dismissively. Then she snorted. “Imagine, having a ball where Black Swans get preference over men. After Frenzy too! The whole idea is ridiculous.”

“They’re not just random Swans, they’re your children,” Solea reminded her. “Remember? You’re the Lady. You birthed them at the beginning of the world. That’s why they’re putting on this party in the first place. For you to meet them.”

“I know all that,” Alainna snapped. “Still, you would think that they would at least invite some other honored guests as well. Besides, how am I supposed to meet Diamea if I can’t ever meet up with anyone?”

“Isn’t Diamea supposed to meet with you and both of you are supposed to recognize that you were destined for each other at first sight and fall madly in love?” Solea said irritably. “I seem to remember hearing this conversation once or twice or a thousand times before.”

Alainna shot a look at Solea. “They probably do have some men there at the party,” she murmured. “They must! Why wouldn’t they? And who knows? Maybe Diamea will be there and we’ll fall in love and everything will happen just as it ought to. Wouldn’t that be nice?”

“Then you’ll run away with Diamea and never bother me with stupid papers again,” Solea said sarcastically. “And we’ll all live happily ever after!”

Alainna glared at Solea. “You shouldn’t sound too enthusiastic about me leaving. Besides, we’ll probably have to meet up more than we would both like. Since I am the Lady, then you are my granddaughter since Uclepidies is my son.”

Solea stared at Alainna in disbelief. The idea of being the granddaughter of Alainna, of all people, made her skin crawl. But she only said, “If you say so, Grandma.”

Alainna chose to ignore the last comment. “Of course, I suppose I shouldn’t begrudge the Black Swans too much,” she continued thoughtfully. “After all, they will probably have lovely presents for me. All twelve of the original Black Swans will be there, right? I’ve heard that they’re rich. I’ve heard that their lakesides are full of jewels and other beautiful things. I’m sure they’ll give me something beautiful. After all, I am the Lady.”

Solea poked her paper, realized that the inkblot had finally dried, and began writing furiously.

After a minute or two, Alainna said, “Your real father is one of the Twelve, isn’t he? Uclepidies? He’s probably very rich too. At least, he seems rich. He is rich, isn’t he?”

“I wouldn’t know,” Solea snapped. “We don’t talk with each other very often, if you haven’t already noticed.”

Alainna scowled at her. “There’s no need to be nasty to me! I know very well he’s not the best conversationalist. But still, I wonder. He gave Theron a mansion in the countryside, so I suppose that must mean that he must be rich! Though, that doesn’t help me figure out what he would give to me, the Lady.” She paused. “What was the nicest thing that he ever gave you?”

“Life.”

Alainna scowled. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

Solea stopped writing and rubbed her hand. “Look, I’m trying to finish this paper,” she said. “I am not really in the mood for any substantial conversation right now.”

Alainna frowned at her. “You don’t have to act so offended. It was just an innocent question. I’m just trying to figure out what he’s going to get me, that’s all. After all, he hasn’t given me any gifts yet, but I’m sure he’ll give me something special today. After all, it is my sixteenth birthday. It’s a fair question.”

Solea slapped down her quill, turned around, and glared at Alainna. “A fair question?” She paused angrily. “You’re my stepsister. When we’re not stuck in this stupid boarding school, we live in the same house. And you don’t already know the answer?”

Alainna shrugged. “I always figured that Uclepidies gave you something when I wasn’t looking. At least, that’s what I always assumed. You always had different traditions than my family. I assume that he gives you gifts, doesn’t he? He is your father, after all.”

“No! He hasn’t given me anything.”

Alainna looked surprised. “Not even when I’m not around?”

Solea shook her head. “He hasn’t given me anything.”

Alainna shifted uncomfortably. “How terrible.”

Solea shrugged, picked up her quill, smoothing out the feathers, and tried to act unbothered. “I just learned that he was my real father about four years ago. Perhaps he gave me something when I was little and I don’t know. I haven’t asked and he hasn’t said anything about it.”

Alainna looked alarmed. “So there’s a chance that he won’t be getting me anything?”

“Sorry.” Solea turned back to her writing.

Alainna thought about it for a minute. “What about your other father? The human one. The one who raised you. Theron. I know he gives you gifts. Did he give you anything special that might have come from a Black Swan hoard? Any jewels? Diamonds? Anything precious?”

“As I said before, he’s your father now,” Solea reminded her, gritting her teeth. “And he’s given you gifts too.”

“He’s my stepfather,” Alainna said. “There’s a big difference. And I’m not talking about the usual sort of gifts for boring birthdays or the Celebration. I’m talking about fancy gifts. The sort of gifts that might come from a Black Swan’s hoard.”

Solea shrugged. “He gave me a nice little journal to write in once.”

Alainna made a face. “That sounds boring.”

“You would say that.”

There was a brief pause. Alainna glanced at Solea, who was still writing. For a minute, it was quiet. Then Alainna asked, “Have you finished my paper yet?”

Solea slammed her quill down. “I haven’t even finished my own! You keep distracting me!”

“Well, maybe you should work on mine first,” Alainna snapped. “Otherwise, mine won’t get done at all. Besides, it might motivate you to write out your paper faster if you have to do mine first.”

“Or maybe you should stop being lazy and write your own paper,” snapped Solea through gritted teeth.

“There’s no need to be judgmental,” Alainna sniffed. “Just because I am busy doing Lady stuff and you aren’t—”

“Lady stuff? Lady stuff! Is that what you call this?” Solea cried, gesturing to Alainna, who was sprawled out on her bed and crumpling up the blankets. “Coming into my room and bothering me with your prattling while I’m trying to work since I won’t be able to do anything tonight since I have to go to a stupid ball?”

Alainna stood up furiously. “Forgive me, I forgot that I’m not supposed to be excited for my own birthday,” she said sarcastically. “That’s your family’s tradition, isn’t it? To mope around and pretend that you were never born?”

Solea’s face turned pale. She stood up, walked to the door, and threw it open. “Get out of my room,” she said. “Now.”

Alainna stood up too. “Fine! You’re being a brat anyway. You’re just jealous that they’re throwing me, the Lady, a party, and not you, the Black Swan’s daughter! You’ve always been jealous of me. And now you’re being deliberately cruel to me, just because you’re jealous!”

“Me? Jealous?” Solea cried. “Why should I ever be jealous of you?”

“How many birthday parties have the Swans given you?” Alainna said.

Solea suddenly grew red. “I’ve never wanted a birthday party in my life!” she cried. “Unlike some people, I don’t like large parties where people fawn all over me because I’m not a complete narcissist!”

“People don’t throw parties for those reasons!” Alainna snapped. “People throw parties for other people to celebrate their special moments! And if you can’t understand that, then I’d venture to say that you’re the narcissist!”

Solea pointed to the open doorway. “Get. Out.”

“And this is why nobody wants to be friends with you!” Alainna continued in a louder voice. “You never do anything nice for other people. All you think about is yourself. It’s disgraceful, that’s what it is!”

“Out!”

“Fine!”

Alainna walked out and slammed Solea’s door as hard as she could so that the whole building seemed to rattle. Solea heard several other girls open up their doors to see what had happened. And then Alainna said loud enough that even Solea, through her closed door, could hear it, “Ridiculous! The whole thing is ridiculous! She’s just jealous, that’s all. Jealous that they’re throwing a birthday party for me, the Lady, and not her, the Black Swan’s daughter!”

It was Alainna performing at her finest.

Solea seethed in anger. Part of her wanted to burst out of the room and scream at her that she would never be jealous of Alainna. She had no reason to be jealous of Alainna. After all, before Solea’s father — the human one — had married Alainna’s mother, Alainna and her mother had been homeless and living in a flower shop her mother had recently bought. Alainna had simply been just one of the many illegitimate children in the city.

But part of her also hated Alainna because Alainna was right. Solea was jealous of Alainna. After all, what had Solea gotten from being a Black Swan’s daughter? A short stint in prison for having the wrong blood, followed by a weak apology after the officials realized that they had imprisoned her unjustly.

But Alainna?

It was Alainna’s birthday. She was turning sixteen. And the whole world would be celebrating.

After all, Alainna was the Lady. 


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Wed Jun 15, 2022 9:00 pm
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MaybeAndrew wrote a review...



Andrew here with a review! I've seen you around a lot Snoink (in fact I think you might be the oldest active member on the sight, so I kinda feel like I'm meeting a celebrity right now XD) but I've never had the chance to read any of your work, so I was excited to see this in the green room! Real quick, I did not realize the context this was being posted under until I was nearly done with my review, so feel free to ignore like aaaaalll of this. At the very least this was a good chance to stretch my editing muscles.
Overall, I loooved you're story, and I don't say that lightly. It is very contemporary in all the right ways, it feels real and human and relatable, (step sisters getting into arguments, self-centered girls, papers) but still has hints of this really compelling world of its own. The hints about black swans, the lady, (and her lover) and so much more really grab my interest. As far as I'm aware, all these ideas feel pretty new and beg me to explore them more. The idea of the reincarnated creator god(?) coming back as a teenage girl has huge implications for religion, government, culture, character, and story.
The characters in this story are also *chefs kiss* Alainna drips with teenage immaturity and I just want to shove some humility in her face. If you continued this the right direction, I could totally see myself hating her as an antagonist, or rooting for her as a growing learning character. But regardless of what happens I do very much want to see her knocked down into the mud XD
Solea seems very even and at the very least polite, her outburst shows this bit more of fire down there. This idea of her conflict with her "real" father is really interesting (gotta love parent angst) and I'm interested to see where that goes.
This chapter also emmidatly sets up the next point to keep us reading. A ball? What could happen there? What could go terribly wrong? How could it throw our characters into the thick of plot? I always like it when stories start with something like that in sight, it makes continuing to read much easier.
The characters and world-building here also has good potential for some really interesting themes. Bloodline, pride, forgiveness, family, power, corruption, parenting... all these ideas and more could be explored with what we have here, and I'm interested to see where you go!
Since this story had little to no mistakes I could find (especially of the grammatical or spelling variety) my finer points will be very, very, excessively nitpicky.

“Of course, not that everybody gets a ball for a birthday party,” Alainna continued happily. “You probably won’t get a ball for your sixteenth birthday. After all, you’re not the Lady, like I am. But, what a nice gesture, don’t you think?” When Solea didn’t respond, she leaned over and squinted at what Solea had written. “Are you writing my paper yet? It’s due tomorrow.”

I think the "she" here is a bit confusing, because upon first glance it looks like it refers to Solea, maybe changing it the she to Alainna would be helpful
Solea suddenly grinned and looked up from her work. “Father will be there,” she said brightly. “He said he was going to help bring in the wine.”

Alainna scowled at Solea. “You know exactly what I meant!” she snapped. “I meant men to meet! I will be sixteen, after all. Why, that’s old enough to marry! And if I am the Lady, that means that Diamea must have been reborn somewhere in this world, waiting for me.”

First off, I'm already compelled by this idea of reborn cycle, but one with like soulmates? And where she gets to be a form of royalty (lady) because she is the reincarnated something. Catches my interest. But, the "You know exactly what I meant!" Doesn't feel like it flows naturally from what she was responding to. To me, something more like "That's not what I meant and you know it!" would feel more natural.
Alainna glared back at Solea. “I didn’t mean Theron! I meant your real father. Your Black Swan father. Uclepidies. Remember?”

Solea flinched at the words. “Oh,” she said lamely. “Him.” Her cheeks began to burn and there were many things that she wanted to say. But instead, she only said bitterly, “You mean your son? You can call him that just as easily, Lady. You don’t need to refer to him as my father.”

Another intriguing idea, family relations being all tangled up in this black swan business, which are apparently, poisonous??
Alainna shot a look at Solea. “They probably do have some men there at the party,” she murmured. “They must! Why wouldn’t they? And who knows? Maybe Diamea will be there and we’ll fall in love and everything will happen just as it ought to. Wouldn’t that be nice?”

I think this exchange is a bit clunky, for me at first glance it was hard to tell what was going on, and the weirdness of paragraph breaks on YWS doesn't make it any easier to read.
After a minute or two, Alainna said, “Your real father is one of the Twelve, isn’t he? Uclepidies? He’s probably very rich too. At least, he seems rich. He is rich, isn’t he?”

Well, Alainna is quite fond of repeating ideas XD
Solea suddenly grew red. “I’ve never wanted a birthday party in my life!” she cried. “Unlike some people, I don’t like large parties where people fawn all over me because I’m not a complete narcissist!”

Up until this point, this world has been very closed off from our culture, obviously, the characters are using mannerisms from modern culture, but that should be expected, but the use of the word narcissist kinda took me out of it. The narcissist is a medical term in our world, and is derived from the Greek story of Narcissa, and feels very, west culturey to me. It might just be me, but as soon as I read it I was reminded I was reading a story written in the 21st century by an English speaker. Maybe you could switch it out for selfish/self-centered? Or make you're own in world based insult?
But that's all just my two cents! Hope it helps!
It was Alainna performing at her finest.

Once again, an excellent job at making me want to see this girl humbled.
After all, Alainna was the Lady.

An amazing way to end it, tying back all those times that has been repeated really brings this section together!
All in all, a really cool first chapter, I'm gunna have to grab the prologue and other chapter pieces!
Thanks, and keep writing,
Andrew




Snoink says...


Awwww, I love blabbering about my story though and gossiping about the characters, so your commentary is most appreciated. ^_^

The characters in this story are also *chefs kiss* Alainna drips with teenage immaturity and I just want to shove some humility in her face. If you continued this the right direction, I could totally see myself hating her as an antagonist, or rooting for her as a growing learning character. But regardless of what happens I do very much want to see her knocked down into the mud XD


I love how you admit that you can either love or hate Alainna, depending on what she does, haha. I mean, on the one hand, she's just a dumb teenager who is completely insufferable. But on the other hand, because she is in a position of power, she can go either way, depending which way she gets pushed. So I'm glad you're open to following her wherever she goes, since as you could probably guess she's a SUPER important character to the overall story. :)

Mind you, the first book isn't all about her, since there are other things that have to happen first. But she actually narrates the second book!

The characters and world-building here also has good potential for some really interesting themes. Bloodline, pride, forgiveness, family, power, corruption, parenting... all these ideas and more could be explored with what we have here, and I'm interested to see where you go!


ALL OF THAT.

Like, I am actually pleased as pie that you picked that up from this short segment, because those some of the main themes in the book series, haha. Though, I would probably add justice, healing, and sin to your list!

This chapter also emmidatly sets up the next point to keep us reading. A ball? What could happen there? What could go terribly wrong? How could it throw our characters into the thick of plot?


Weirdly enough, the main plot doesn't get started with chapter 1, BUT. It's because of the chapter one that chapter 2 happens, so it kind of leads up to everything. (And also, weirdly enough, Chapter 1 is actually very important to other books as well? I keep having to refer back to it, and I am writing Book 3 right now, lol!)

Anyway, thanks for the review! :)



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Spearmint wrote a review...



Hi Snoink, mint here with a review! ^-^ I know you said on your wall that you mainly posted this story as context for a joke (the fan art is beautiful, by the way! I could only dream of drawing people that well), and I couldn't find much to critique anyways, so I'll mostly just write overall thoughts and my reactions to various parts of the story for this review. Hope that's alright! C:

Overall, I really enjoyed reading these three chapter-parts. You've created a neat fantasy world for this story, and I'd love to learn more about Black Swans, the Lady, and Diamea! The dialogue and characters were also written well, though Alainna annoys me quite a bit to be honest (perhaps they made a mistake when they named her the Lady, because could someone so stuck-up really be such an esteemed figure?? :P). But nevertheless, I had fun reading the interactions between Alainna and Solea!

I think my only suggestion would be to add a little more description, because I, for one, am pretty curious about what Solea and Alainna are wearing, their facial features, what the room looks like, etc. The differences in Alainna and Solea's attire could also emphasize their differences in status, perhaps! Though maybe this is all a bit hypocritical, because I struggle with character description myself. xD (It's just so much easier to jump into fun scenes and worry about what characters look like later...) But yeah, I think it'd be cool to be able to visualize this part of the story more! :]

Okay, and on to some reactions...

“Yes, a very nice gesture,” she said blankly, continuing to write.

You can tell that Solea is just done with Alainna, right from the start. xD Solea kind of gives me sensible-lady-in-waiting vibes, with Alainna being the spoiled princess that Solea has to look after. I like it; Solea seems like an interesting protagonist. :>

“You probably won’t get a ball for your sixteenth birthday. After all, you’re not the Lady, like I am.

Wow, Alainna's just rubbing it in like that. xD

“Are you writing my paper yet? It’s due tomorrow.”

...And she's making Solea her personal slave too, apparently, like a school bully or something (lol).

Though, if you would like, I can start wedding planning, just in case.”

Solea's subtle sarcasm and snark... I love it. :D

and Black Swans are actually poisonous!”

Ooh, a little detail about the world snuck in there!

“Isn’t Diamea supposed to meet with you and both of you are supposed to recognize that you were destined for each other at first sight and fall madly in love?” Solea said irritably. “I seem to remember hearing this conversation once or twice or a thousand times before.”

Hmm, somehow I feel like Alainna's gonna fall in love with the first handsome guy who pays attention to her, regardless of whether he's Diamea or not. >.> Also, major respect to Solea for dealing with Alainna for so many conversations! If I were Solea, I think I'd just run and hide whenever I saw her. :P

After all, I am the Lady.”

Yes, Alainna, you are the Lady. Like you've said, oh, perhaps a hundred times already. xD Seriously, though, I feel like Alainna would be heartbroken if her being the Lady was a mistake. She seems to define herself mostly through her identity as the Lady.

After all, Alainna was the Lady.

Ooh, I really like the end of this chapter-part. The lead-up to the fight is written well, and I can almost feel the trembling when Alainna slams the door. Also, after Solea reveals that she's jealous, I can pretty much hear the bitterness when she says that last line. And perhaps a bit of weariness or exasperation, and resignment. :')

Overall, I had fun reading this chapter, and I hope writing the rest of the book goes well! Have a wonderful day/night! =D




Snoink says...


Awwww... isn't she an awesome artist??? She's way better than me as well. (Also, psst... @Ichthys, someone else likes your art!!!)

Also, I *may* have already written this book already... >.> I'm working on the third book of the series now!

Anyway, since I am amused by your insights...

ISN'T ALAINNA AWFUL?? Lol! I am amused by this...

(perhaps they made a mistake when they named her the Lady, because could someone so stuck-up really be such an esteemed figure?? :P).


I'm not sure if you read the Prologue (which has an entirely different flavor to this part of the story, since it's in the POV of a White Swan), but I added a part in where the White Swan is basically wondering, "Why her?" Because she is so insufferable and bratty, lol. Though he does not have the sort of doubts that you have!

I wish I could say that she becomes less insufferable and bratty by the end of the book... but I can't say a thing because that would be spoiling, lol.

Hmm, somehow I feel like Alainna's gonna fall in love with the first handsome guy who pays attention to her, regardless of whether he's Diamea or not. >.>


This insight made me smile and laugh evilly, haha! POOR ALAINNA. She has a lot of growing up to do...

Also, major respect to Solea for dealing with Alainna for so many conversations! If I were Solea, I think I'd just run and hide whenever I saw her. :P


SO. A question. One of the reasons why I kind of framed this in this particular way is that Solea would probably want to run away from Alainna because she is completely obnoxious and a bully besides that... but also, Alainna is her stepsister, so she's kind of stuck with her no matter what, much to Solea's chagrin. Does this come through?

Yes, Alainna, you are the Lady. Like you've said, oh, perhaps a hundred times already. xD Seriously, though, I feel like Alainna would be heartbroken if her being the Lady was a mistake. She seems to define herself mostly through her identity as the Lady.

OKAY. So. Another question. One of the reasons why Alainna has embraced her identity as the Lady with such vim and vigor was her childhood was awful and spent partially homeless... thus the line about her being one of the many illegitimate children in the city. Does this sort of fact about Alainna come through?

Also, after Solea reveals that she's jealous, I can pretty much hear the bitterness when she says that last line. And perhaps a bit of weariness or exasperation, and resignment. :')


Yessssssssssssssss that's what I was hoping for!

Anyway, thanks for the commentary! I appreciate it. :)



Spearmint says...


Also, I *may* have already written this book already... >.> I'm working on the third book of the series now!

Woah, the third book! 0.0 That's impressive!

I added a part in where the White Swan is basically wondering, "Why her?"

Ohh yeah, I went back to the Prologue and, well, Sergius is admirably polite about it. XD Also, I love spoilers. >.>

POOR ALAINNA. She has a lot of growing up to do...

For sure!! :P

but also, Alainna is her stepsister, so she's kind of stuck with her no matter what, much to Solea's chagrin. Does this come through?

Hmm, I think it does! It's kind of implied in chapter 1.1, but it's definitely clear in chapter 1.2 after the conversation between Solea and Theron.

One of the reasons why Alainna has embraced her identity as the Lady with such vim and vigor was her childhood was awful and spent partially homeless...

YES I was actually thinking that! Being found to be the Lady must have drastically improved Alainna's life, so it makes a lot of sense that she'd cling to that identity, and maybe even use it try to forget about her past.

Anyway, thanks for the commentary! I appreciate it. :)

Thanks for the reply!! It's so fun to get to talk to the author haha. :D



Snoink says...


Also, I love spoilers. >.>


I mean. I could just lob entire books at you...

>.>



Spearmint says...


<.< >.> I would actually love that. :P And I have some time this summer anyways...



Snoink says...


I will keep this in mind for next week! :) (For now, I need to prepare for going to a wedding!)



Spearmint says...


Ooh have fun! ^-^ Hopefully the gifts are more tasteful than Uclepidies's first present xD



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Horisun wrote a review...



Hiya! I hope you are having a good night! (Or morning, or afternoon, whenever you happen to read this)
Right away I wanna say that I particularly enjoyed the interaction between Solea and Alainna. Their conversation-turned-argument played out very naturally, and managed to lead us very gradually through bits of worldbuilding. I really liked how you provided exposition this chapter, it felt both thorough and efficient.
I did feel like we were kinda dropped in the middle of an already ongoing chapter. Opening with dialogue and little description really threw me a bit off. Though this might just be my personal preference, I would've liked it if you better described the appearance of your characters and the room they were in. Until the line where you started talking about boarding school, I wasn't sure when or where these girls were at.
But honestly, other than that, this was a fantastic opening chapter! Both characters (Even Alainna) were super endearing, and I can't wait to see where this story goes from here! Keep on writing, and have a wonderful day! :D




Snoink says...


Eep! Sorry, I forgot to reply when I saw this review. Anyway, thanks for the review! :)

I'm glad you like both girls... even Alainna. (Ain't she something else? Lol!)

And yeah. Now that I reread it, it appears that there is basically no description of their physical experience, other than they are school girls of sorts! Out of curiosity, how do you imagine that they look?

Thanks again!



Horisun says...


Their dynamic remind me of Tiana and Charlotte from Princess and the Frog, lol! Alainna gives me some serious oblivious blonde vibes (I say as a blonde myself)



Snoink says...


Sweeet! (And Alainna is totally a blonde!)




Noelle, you can lead a writer to their computer and give them coffee, but you can't make them write.
— CowLogic