Published September 5, 2011
All for one and none for me
If you'd watch then you would see
I can be more than you think
But I'm shot down before I blink
How long will I have to wait?
Is it just not in my fate?
Waiting waiting time will tell
Waiting in this waiting Hell
Sitting back as life rolls past
Better get a move on fast!
To me, cannot a day be saved?
A day, a moment, to be un-enslaved?
People say my time will come
But only times do come for some
Will I really have my day
What dragon's out for me to slay?
Time is ticking hardly left
Is stealing shotgun thought as theft?
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139,049 Literary Works • 672,402 Reviews
(Oh yes! A poem, finally!)
Hello!
Right, so, nitpicks!
I think it would be better to say "not ensalved" rather than "un-enslaved."
Puntuation?
I think it should be "Time is ticking, hardling any left "(Also, you forgot your puntuation here too.
I loved you last line: Is stealing a shotgun thought as theft.
Very nice, the above line! But it should be "a" before "theft" and after "as". Though I'm not very confident about it.
-JT
Hi, I loved your poem. I'm not too sure about the ending though. I think It had a great start and the enthusiasm of the reader should flow through to the end.
I like these lines especially,
"Will I really have my day
What dragon's out for me to slay?
Good choice of words and rhyming too. I love the feel of the poem and It presents an imagery any reader can instantly connect to. Good Job
Wrong category... How do I change it? :/