Published September 4, 2011
Stone Cold Eyes Filled Up With Pain
Watching All The Dancing Rain
Tear Drops Tear Drops Always Fall
Trying Not To Lose It All
Going Crazy Losing Hope
Final Breaths in Strands of Rope
Wishes Wishes Can't Come True
Gasping Air But Breathing Few
Looking Back What's Left Behind
Losing Losing Peace of Mind
Stone Cold Eyes No More to See
Leaving Leaving
Leaving Me
(I was sort of imagining it like to the tune of the ABC song.. but creepier, I guess. Thanks for reading!)
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140,149 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hi Snikkia!
Good Job with the poem
I loved it but I still don't get the meaning of the poem.
You say 'Stone Cold Eyes' but then you talk about Life. What is exactly you're trying to mean through the poem? The title doesn't match with the poem so that was a minus point. >.<
I read your poem about three times and I still didn't get the meaning of the poem.
Now, the poem was a little repetitive.
You kept repeating some words and I think there was no need of that.
Here you speak about the eyes and then you tell how it see's the rain dancing.
This stanza was very amusing to me because how you describe the seeing and all, it was very imaginative. =)
See, you're repeating some words and it doesn't go really appropriately with the sentence.
Sorry if I'm harsh :S
I loved this stanza. It's very original and Oh My Gosh.
How do you manage to rhyme well as well as mean them?
I mean that's something I struggle with, a lot!
Keep it up! ^^
You say wishes can't come true?
It does, actually. Most of them.
Just telling... I know it's the readers experience. =D
I like the "Gasping Air But Breathing Few".
Awesome sentence
'
Suddenly when you end with one line, it's a bit distracting so try to end it evenly
Overall, I this was good but in the middle you kind of lost the flow. You talk about eyes and then go back to talk about life. So, that was a minus but the plus was the rhyming! Amazing work! xD
You have amazing talent :]
Again, great job & Keep Writing!
-Cookie!
Let me first say Bravo! I thought this was a beautiful poem. Reminds me of a poem I did, but this is way better and more detailed.
The imagery in this line almost made me cry. You can just imagine someone who's breathing is relied on how tight the rope is against their neck. The strands of rope are brought to life from the last breaths the person has while still struggling within its grasp. It's so beautiful.
The ending almost brought me to tears as well. I agree with the previous commenter. Your repitition was excellent and it brought the poem to life, I should say. Great work.
Holy Crap, Sniks. This is just amazing! I can't even find any grammar mistakes- or any mistakes. This is just... breathtaking. <3
Hi. Nice poem you wrote. I love the imagery...
Repitition is just a wonderful style.
Also, you managed to follow the same rhymes...
Keep writing!