I shall walk a Thousand miles..

Hey, you commented on my work so I thought I would repay the favour.

Okay so I enjoyed this a lot. It has some beautiful description in it and it moves me some way. Your flow is wonderful and why in some parts it seems forced on the whole who have done a great job, so congratulations because flow can be very hard to get right.

Ok I think that a few things that you can do better are:
1) Try working on making it a bit smoother, I think that's the right word. There are parts that I had to reread because I had misread it or thought that I had. For example

What makes you but go on and on?

I'm no poet by any means, but I wanted to tell you that I really loved this poem. It flowed really well and was easy to read while still making me think a little... you know? Well, I loved this! Keep writing!!

I really enjoyed reading this poem! Now, I'm not much of a poet, but I'll give this a shot at reviewing it. I agree with what BlueAfrica had to say regarding the rhyming. You did a good job of sprinkling it in so that it wasn't too childish. Again, BlueAfrica touched on that already.

I also enjoyed the imagery you had in here... it was magical! The feelings you expressed were very clear and showed the emotions that go along with love. When you mention "a thousand miles" the first thing that jumps to my mind is the Proclaimers' song "500 Miles" where he sings about being "the man who walks a thousand miles to fall down at your door."

"Limping files?" That slightly confused me. I'm at a loss for giving advice on how to fix that except that I think you should change it.

Again, I applaud your lovely love poem. It is a great piece of writing that touches on the feelings associated with love. Please PM me if you have any questions on my review! Keep up the great work

Cheers,

Luxe

I am astonished at how good this is, particularly because it rhymes. (I used to write rhyming poetry until I discovered free verse, which was very, well, freeing...and now I look back on most of my rhyming stuff and find that it either sucks or is annoyingly singsong.)

I think part of what it is is that the rhythm doesn't ever get tooooo regular to the point where it becomes irritating and childlike. And your diction was beautiful, and there was almost no forced rhyme... The only part that was a little weird to me was "But I move along, with limping files." I mean...limping files? What does that mean?

But other than that one spot, I didn't find anything that felt forced, like you were sacrificing meaning for rhyme (another common problem with rhyming poems), so good job there.

I would ask you to watch your punctuation - I won't go through every spot where I think it's wrong, but for example:

"But I move along, with limping files

The nature cried, So hard I tried
What makes you but go on and on?"

There's no period at the end of "files," so I had to wonder if that was meant to lead into the next verse and be part of it, as in "with limping files the nature cried." Also, was nature *weeping,* or was nature crying out with words, which is how it sounds? (It seems like nature cried, "So hard I tried!" except that it makes more sense for the narrator to be saying "So hard I tried" and for nature to be saying, "What makes you but go on and on?") Furthermore - contrary to popular belief - the first word of each line does NOT need to be capitalized unless it's the beginning of a new sentence. This rule would also help make sense of things.

But again, good job with the rhyming, and you had some nice imagery. Admittedly, some of the images - like that of thorns - are almost cliched for a love poem, except that you didn't quite use them in the conventional way. (For example, your thorns "make my spirit soar," which is really unusual.)

Keep up the good work!

~Blue