I cruise through volumes of bluegrass tufts, browsing manifestations of academia. Campfire infatuations ignite afresh. Stampeding sheepdogs trample my ambient countenance underpaw. Nevertheless, I maintain impeccable composure, my lips dancing with mirth. I converge with the sprawl and exchange swift glances with canine alacrities. Does absurdity trump logic? My hovering feet consider the merits of both.
Whirlwinds further randomize this chaotic scramble. My rebellious heart deviates from the script; it follows its own whims and forsakes sanity. Truth be told, I have the same problem. The problem being I, truth is not told. Wistful tunes infiltrate and disestablish my aura. Embers tell me their secret purposes before joining the wind, fleeing their once-beloved comrades. As if words adequately replicate reality, I continue this anecdote. My inamorata, my complement sits alongside me. The corner of my eye envisions a blizzard of golden fibers, arranged with immaculate alignment. A pair of lips frolics on my earlobe:
psychosis:fundamentalderangementofthemindcharacterizedbydefectiveorlostcontactwithrealityespeciallyas
evidencedbydelusionshallucinationsanddisorganizedspeechandbehavior
What she whispers sparks a smile, a laugh, an embracement, a reciprocation from me:
trueasthemoonistothenightsoyouaretomemylovemyoneandonlyiwishtolivebyyoursideforalleternityi
cannotimaginelifewithoutyoujustasicannotfathomashorelinewithoutabodyofwaterpleasedonotleaveme
todieliketheembersofthecampfireimustclingtoyouliketonguesofflametothelogthisiknowwithoutashadowofdoubt
She departs; I join the embers in a windswept death.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Personally, I felt like you took a thesaurus and tried to write a piece with as many uncommon words simply because those words were uncommon and not because they were actually appropriate for the piece itself. In particular, the sentence "Stampeding sheepdogs trample my ambient countenance underpaw." had me wondering if you had perhaps meant "ambivalent" rather than "ambient", but neither make sense in the context of the following laughter as both are rather passive and calm/uncaring in nature.
In any case, this feeling of thesaurus abused diminished in the second paragraph/stanza, but it was overwhelmingly strong in the first.
Also, the long strings of words near the end rendered them unreadable. While it ties in thematically with the title, they make for a reading nightmare, and I honestly couldn't be bothered to read past the first such line of amalgamated words.
About the only thing going for this piece that I can see is the novelty of its presentation, and to be frank, I found the novelty not only lacking, but not strong enough to support the piece as a whole.
I know little about poetry, so I can't really critique this. But I can give an overall review!
I like the feeling that you've portrayed here. To me it feels a little lost and chaotic, but I'm definite it was on purpose as we arrive to the ending bit. I do like how the speech is all cluttered and it adds to that chaotic vibe. Oh, and my poet friend loved it (knew he'd like it since it's poetic after all) so good job and keep writing~~