Published April 15, 2010
As you walk down isle,
All eyes on you,
Your heart's pace growing
Faster and faster
As you take each step closer
Towards your love,
Flowers are everywhere you look,
Tears being shed because of your beauty,
Your dress flows like water behind you,
Take a breath,
This is your special day,
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Yes, it does need 'the' in it, and the right spelling of aisle.
I think 'heart's pace' sounds a little awkward. Maybe 'heart beat is growing' would sound better.
Also, 'all eyes are on you' would too.
You ended it with a comma; replace that with a period.
You need to replace some more commas with periods too, because like Jagged, I think it's distracting, and it's also run-on sentences.
Nice and sweet, as Biffle said, but a bit lacking in flavor. You have your scene and mood set, which is great, but I'd like to see some more thoughts or feelings. As it is right now, you're being extremely plain, which while it is not bad in and of itself, leaves me rather unsatisfied and wanting to know more.
Also, you forgot the 'the' in 'walking down the aisle', and 'isle' is not the proper spelling. Be careful with punctuation: you use too many commas, and no periods at all, which is very distracting and detracts from the whole.
This is really nice. It's short and sweet. One thing to be careful about its the size of each line, they vary a lot in this. But good work for your second poem.
This is a bit off.
Try : As you take each step closer towards your love.
Maybe shorten that sentence, if you can.
Great job, Smexay.
Biffle