Published July 9, 2010
In the year of 2027 an island was discovered at the far east of New Zealand, a small country at the near bottom of the world. It was named Proxide X, a group of highly trained men from the U.S military were sent to the island to examine and find out about if there were any humans or animals living there. 3 months those men were on the island, when the helicopters turned up the men were nowhere to be found.
Rescue teams where sent out to restore those men back to their families but once found, all that was left of them were the dried out bones in a bundle.
No one has ever been sent back there since; people forgot about the discovery and moved on. But, that one single question haunts the U.S military till today, 3 years from the incident. Who or what murdered those men on that island, and how the hell did they get there?
More coming soon
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139,558 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well that is quite something here...I don't believe I've run into a situation quite like this one before. Usually mysterious pieces of land like this don't find a place in the real world, so this is a nice change, especially since it sounds so plausible that something like this could really exist when its put in this manner.
Okayy....so things really do kick of rather strongly with this. I like how this read like some sort of official newspaper report on the matter or something like that so you get just the most important details with no real effort to make it sound scarier with more descriptive words. I think it makes for a that much more interesting piece here, especially with how matter of factly they mention people being reduced to a pile of just bones.
The ending here is quite nicely done I think. You've managed to really create a sense that this is an unsolved mystery just waiting to be unleashed and it seems it will be unleashed over the course of this story here. At any rate, this is a very solid opening here and I certainly find myself wanting to know more here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I disagree, Nem. If there was some kind of field obstructing all the scanning stuff...
Firstly, your title
The piece
).
Smex, I'm not hooked. You need to up this... up.
Your title needs to draw emotional investment from your reader. Proxide X does not do that. Generally, place and people names suck as a title unless there's something unusual about those (Chocolate Factory).
Also, it's not very clear. Given that this is in a sci-fi forum, that name could mean anything. I need to know the scope of your story. I wondered if it was going to be galactic or planetary or what.
Now I know it's not developed but from what I'm seeing, it's going to be about exploring the island, right? Hmmmblurgulfurgle... There's gotta be something really amazing there or else the story'll sound cheezy. A good idea would be to describe the monster a bit, let us see its ferocity (unless it's a bunny, that'll be so cool
Anyway, you have inspired me to write an entirely sci-fi novel so thank you.
Looking forward to reading this piece,
TheNewHero
Sounds interesting. So its something like what happened to the colonists on the lost settlement of Roanoke? One problem, scientists have scanned the earth thousands of times...they have satilites everywhere. How could the miss an island, they have the entire globe mapped out. You would have better luck with them exploring a new planet, or a moon, because there is no way that they could have mapped it so completely and thouroughly. Space agencies do have many satelites scanning planets and moons, but they probably wouldn't be sharp enough to focus a person.