"Mommy, do angels fall from heaven?" Adam asked his mother once when they came home from shopping.
"No… Why?" she asked and smiled at Adam.
"I saw an angel today," he answered making her laugh.
"And how did he look?"
"He had tan skin and black hair and some metal thingies in his ears and face..his nose was a little crooked and his eyes were a very pretty deep blue color," Adam said before looking at his mother only to see her looking back at him with a confused face.
"What's wrong mommy?" he tilted my head to the side curiously making her smile.
"Nothing. You just make me realize that some people see angels instead of demons," she ruffled his hair before asking, "Do you want some cookies?"
He quickly nodded but couldn't help and ponder what she meant by that.
"Mom… Was he a demon?" Adam asked with that innocent voice that seemed confused by every word, "No.. but most would say he was."
Adam hummed and didn't think too much of it, instead going to munch on cookies while drawing.
Adam drew the angel he saw that day. Dark hair, tan skin, deep blue eyes and a smile on his face.
He also added the metallic pins he had in his brow, ears, lips and nose.
He knew very well that his grandma wouldn't like to see his angel for whatever reason.. And his mother knew so too. That's why she said that not everyone would see that sweet, harmless boy as an angel.
People always judged others like they weren't from the same flesh and they always will. Your actions don't matter in this world.. Your looks do. That is what that sweet little boy Adam realized a little too early for his young age.
His dad will probably question what was so great about that 'angel' when he shows him the angel too.
Adam didn't know what he liked about him either..He just thought he was pretty.
And his laugh was even prettier.
He wondered if he'll see him again.. And he really wanted to.
Oh, beautiful angel. Why'd you make him feel this way?
Now he'll never forget you.
Adam sighed resting his small head on the table staring at the drawing while pouting.
"Mommy..when will I get to see my angel again?"
She looked shocked at his question. He didn't get it. Why would she stare at him like that? It was just a question yet she made him feel so bad.
"Darling.. you'll surely see him again," she muttered softly while brushing her hand through his hair, as gently as she could, "But you can't call him yours. He's a person, not an object," she smiled at Adam finding his innocent sad face adorable.
"He's not a person, he's an angel… But okay," Adam said before going quiet.
Later that day his dad came home from work. He didn't bother showing him the drawing... His dad wouldn't care anyway.
Adam gave a quick hug to his father before sitting down at the dining table while his mother put some meat and vegetables on his plate.
His dad talked about how some 'dirty prick' caused a scene again.
His father's work must be hard… He's a cop while his mother works from home. Adam once asked them which of the jobs is harder but his dad told him not to wonder about it too much because nothing in life is easy.
Adam's mother didn't like what his father said but she didn't want to act bad in front of their beloved son so she just gave him a look and went back to what she was doing before he asked that question.
A harmless question yet it made his mother glare like that.
Adam ate his spaghetti quietly not wanting to bother his parents and interrupt their conversation that was too hard to understand for his tiny little head.
He finished his food and then just sat there, too scared that his stern father would tell him off if he left. After all it is 'impolite' to leave the table until everyone finishes.. Even if you're feeling sick. Even if they are taking too much time.
Once his father finished eating, his mother went to wash the dishes while his father went to rest for a bit. After resting he went to do some work in the garden and told him to work too.
After all, no work no pork… Or something like that. His grandpa always said stuff like that.
The small boy tried his best but his father didn't even glance his way, too busy to notice his own son or the strain in his tiny little hands.
Sometimes Adam wondered if his father even liked him.. He even asked his mother once. His mother looked weird when he asked that question.
Said he really does.
Yet Adam couldn't believe her words.
That night he fell asleep in her arms after an hour of pointless crying.
When he woke up he was already all alone in the house, his father working and his mother out.
Adam always hated thinking about that day but it was hard not to remember every time he saw either of them or their house.
After he was done with his work in the garden he just went to lay on the couch tiredly while his mother made him some hot cocoa. He sipped it quietly while his father watched TV next to him.
It was quiet in the house and surprisingly peaceful. His father even let him lean onto him.
Then the silence was broken by his fathers words: "Adam.. You'll be having a sibling," he said gruffly but not meanly.
Adam stared at him trying to process the words. After a bit his eyes widened as he finally realized what his father said, "Really?!" he said loudly with an excited voice but then immediately lowered it, "sorry.. I didn't mean to yell…"
His father shook his head and chuckled.. The house was filled with an unusual happiness that night.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the wretched S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Adam tells his Mom about the kind person he saw as an angel, his Mom listens lovingly but is also worried for him, Dad comes home and makes him do work and there is news that Adam will have a sibling!
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, then you may.
Chocolate Bar - I like how you described the differences between his parents. It seems like Adam has a better relationship with his Mom than with his Dad and Grandparents. I also like how Adam saw the guy with piercings as an angel, it shows that he doesn’t judge people for their appearances. And the Mom gives good advice! However, I grow nervous at how his Dad may act towards Adam when he’s older…
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a lovely chapter to show how this is definitely going to be a happy family! I am intrigued as to what will happen next and also a little scared, but I will be sure to read the next chapter whenever it is posted and so, I wish you…
An amazing day/night!
Hia Smetana! Glad to see you’re writing novels =D
Let me get straight into it. “Adam asked his mother“ that is redundant bc he already addressed the speech to his mom. Now. If he were talking to his grandmother, that would be an interesting detail bc why would he call his grandma “mommy”? But if its just… business as usual, no need to highlight it. Maybe if you remove the “Mommy” from the speech it work better…
And here we have a sentence I can talk a lot abt:
First of all: Dialogue formatting. You were doing very well so far, but this is sadly incorrect. “He tilted his head to the side” is not a speech tag. You only combine speech and narration if you can “say” the sentence. So, in this case, you would have to capitalize “He”. Secondly, there is a wild “my” in this sentence =D
Oh I like this sentence: “You just make me realize that some people see angels instead of demons“ I don’t yet know what this means, but I’m tending toward that the mom approves.
Annnd more paragraphing tips:
See that you have a speech from Adam and a speech from his mom here and that this is confusing since they share a paragraph. Especially because you have a comma before the mom’s speech which should mean that this is part of what Adam says.
Better to put the Mom’s speech in its own paragraph.
Hm I wish there was an explanation for why Adam learnt this lesson so early? Bc right now, all he heard was that some ppl judge by looks, not rly something he would think too much abt, right?
Beginning to rly like his mom: “But you can't call him yours. He's a person, not an object,”
Why wouldn’t angel be people? o_o
Also like that the dad told him that nothing in life is easy. At least he didn’t compare his work to the work of Adam’s mother, which is at least a plus.
Hui, I don’t like how this feels like the world itself is discouraging Adam’s questions. Poor kid. @.@
It would be nice to know what kinda work Adam is doing in the garden that he can do basically unsupervised.
Oh and he is old enough to be left alone? Weird that a mom that works from home didn’t take him with her when she left.
thank you for your review because honestly i am very much poo poo at formating. also it depends what you think is an age where its appropriate to leave the kid alone at home? hes 8 and my parents started leaving me home alone at 6. as for the gardening i didnt really think much about it but from the stuff i used to do he was for example watering some stuff... i dont remember writing this too well since i wrote it like a month ago lmao
also that he tilted my head was an accident becdause i was writing it from his view but then rewrote and... lets just say doing that sleep deprived is not great HAHA
I really like your writing style! It is really well written and I'm excited to read more! I love how you chose the name, "Adam," and like the uniqueness of what is viewed as an angel! Also, do I sense a bit of drama? I'm excited for the next chapter, if you'll be writting one, and look forward to learning the name of the baby! I'm also really inchrigue for who the angel may be!