z

Young Writers Society



Fear

by Slowlyfaded


Fear of life,
I've never known.
Scared of love,
I've never shown.

Today this will end.
and I will be free,
For now on my love,
I'll let you love me.

I'll never hide,
and I'll never run.
I've found the strength
to join in the fun.

without you here,
I've lost who I am.
I hate myself,
though I do what I can.

I smile and laugh,
I say that I'm fine.
My smile is forced
most of the time.

I'm only truly happy,
when I'm with you.
Don't ask me if I love you,
just know that its true.

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31 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 31

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Wed Oct 04, 2006 11:14 pm
GibsonGirl wrote a review...



I like this, probably because it's easy to relate to. You might want to separate it into stanzas to make it easier to read. Also,

I've lost who I am.
I hate myself,
though I do what I can.


This seems a little like you chose the last line just because you were searching for something to rhyme with "am".
Other than that, good work.




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Points: 890
Reviews: 11

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Sun Oct 01, 2006 7:46 pm
BohemeMistress says...



I like it! very deep. You should try writing poetry that dosn't rym (sp), the same poem will turn out completely diffrent!





No, it's not that you didn't succeed. You accomplished a lot, but, if you want to touch people, don't concentrate so much on rhyme and metre. Think more about what you want to say instead of how you're saying it.
— LCDR Geordi La Forge