Fear of life,
I've never known.
Scared of love,
I've never shown.
Today this will end.
and I will be free,
For now on my love,
I'll let you love me.
I'll never hide,
and I'll never run.
I've found the strength
to join in the fun.
without you here,
I've lost who I am.
I hate myself,
though I do what I can.
I smile and laugh,
I say that I'm fine.
My smile is forced
most of the time.
I'm only truly happy,
when I'm with you.
Don't ask me if I love you,
just know that its true.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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I like this, probably because it's easy to relate to. You might want to separate it into stanzas to make it easier to read. Also,
This seems a little like you chose the last line just because you were searching for something to rhyme with "am".
Other than that, good work.
I like it! very deep. You should try writing poetry that dosn't rym (sp), the same poem will turn out completely diffrent!