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Young Writers Society



A painful sleep

by Slowlyfaded


In the dust,
The dark of night.
The lights are gone,
and all thats right.
The sin comes out,
when the sun goes down,
rumors wispered all around.
My pain is back,
this ripping pain.
I wake up crying,
screaming your name.


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User avatar
221 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 221

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Mon Sep 25, 2006 6:03 pm
Kay Kay says...



I like it. It's short and sweet but has a good message. Parts of the poem like the line
[quote]and all thats right.[quote/]
doesn't seem to fit in with the poem. Besides that you spelled whisper wrong. I love the poem.




User avatar
411 Reviews


Points: 1040
Reviews: 411

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Mon Sep 25, 2006 7:27 am
Sohini says...



err..there seems to be something quitewrong with the flow of this poem.

the first two lines make no sense to me. explain them please.

the last line rocks!





The heavens laugh with you in your jubilee; my heart is at your festival.
— William Shakespeare