Published March 23, 2010
For some reason, I let you make the food,
Which is why we have sandwiches sans butter,
And two packets of cheese and onion crisps,
And a tub of coleslaw, and a strawberry yogurt between us.
For some reason, you let me pack the bag,
Which is why we have lemonade and orange juice,
Forks and spoons, and a ball and a rug,
But no cups, plates or napkins.
I let you get the map, and work out the busses
Which is why it’s four and we haven’t eaten lunch
You let me remember to bring the money,
Which is why you can’t have ice cream, and we’ve got a long walk home,
And so you sulked and I nagged, and I got stung by a wasp,
And I complained and you snapped, and you got covered in ants,
And we argued and slipped, and fell down the hill,
And you got covered in grass stains,
And I got leaves in my hair,
And you never use napkins anyway,
And I think butter is overrated.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,739 Literary Works • 672,669 Reviews
I really loved this. It was entertaining, easily understood, and I could relate. I was immediately absorbed into the poem, definitely something a reader is looking for. Also, the title is very suiting. Great job!
This sort of like a summer-day sonnet, Simple sweet and to the point. What I particularly liked about it was the way the frustration of the couple was slowly aggravated while never becoming boring, and the last two lines rounded of the poem perfectly.
Keep writing!
Dave
Well, hello.
how are you?? I'm good. Now, on to the review...
Ok, so this was actually pretty cute. I'm not sure if I know the theme of it though, is it sortve like a love story?? Because that's what it seems like to me. That's how I interpretted it anyway.
spelling error here, I'm pretty sure I don't need to point it out though.
That's all I think is wrong with this. *Correct future reviewers if I'm wrong.
I hope i helped!! Remember to review other peoples work to get moré reviews!!