The pathetic fallacy of the weather
the dim tuesday morning at approximately 8 o'clock.
Finding the not thought of on the road
that injured little gull.
Though such a thing should be nought more than a tic of the clock
its concious has stayed.
Most would walk by. Glance; and walk on
as did my brother.
But I pity such injured winged verve
and went to scare it from the road.
Though as I came close
it just sat. and looked at me solefully.
I never knew such beady black eyes could replicate such an emotion
that injured little gull.
So I stooped and tenderly clasped it firm in my hands
so light for its form, like holding a small dream.
'It' was no longer a description for the bird, it had a character
those eyes were no longer little black beads.
I calmed it and walked to the center grove of trees
and placed it in the grass.
It sat with its wings tucked in
and looked at me with those saddened eyes.
I took my phone and called for my parents, to help
they responded negatively;
thats just how it work
The bus arrived, and I soon placed the injured little gull to the back of my mind
but not forgotten.
School ended. The bus journey back. The walk back to the spot of the gull
it had gone.
I took to the positive and said that it had survived
and walked home with a smile in my mind.
In the door. In the kitchen. Asked on the gull to my mother
she had driven to work, in the thrash of the rain.
She had seen the gulls feet in the air
on the road.
I feel saddened now, those emotional little eyes
that had given it a person.
I feel saddened now
for that injured little gull.
Hey Skyy
I know you said there was no actual meaning to the poem. But I keep on seeing it. As Shoaib said, about the looking closer. And I had the feeling that as a reader I was mourning the gull and that because at the beginning you said the gull would've been ignored, it made me think of people who are ignored, but actual need attention. So I felt like there was a lot of meaning there, just that you didn't really mean to put it in
"they responded negatively;
thats just how it work"
I think you mean 'that's just how it works'
I agree with Shoaib, this poem could be even better if you tried to insert some of the meanings we found into the poem, and made them more prominent. A good poem has a meaning, even if unintentional. I'm sure this poem would be brilliant if it were intentional.
"Finding the not thought of on the road"
'The not thought of' sounds a bit awkward in this sentence. It would be nicer if you use 'finding the usually ignored on the road'. Same meaning but a bit more smooth.
Overall a pretty good poem, with a lot of promise. And the flow was good and it all fit really well together. Keep working on it!
Deanie x
Please correct the spelling mistakes, I know they're just typing mistakes but my duty is to point them out isn't it?
"approximatly... "
"....negativly" and some more. Check them out.
I felt some sentences had grammatical errors in them, for instance:
"Asked on the gull to my mother"
I didn't understand this, correct me if I'm wrong.
From what I understood of the poem, there were many ideas that I liked. Such as the comparison of your views about the injured gull before and after approaching it.
"...and went to scare it from the road.
Though as I came close.."
But then,
"It' was no longer a description for the bird, it had a character
those eyes were no longer little black beads."
Turns out sometimes we gotta see things from close to know what they really are. Good idea there.
You can still improve this poem, make your point more firmly. You can do better than this.
The 'Asked on the Gull to my mother" is how it's meant to be.
My 'e' key is sticky so that's the spelling problem there, though some words were spelt wrong.
There was no real point to this poem, as it was just to remember it because it upset me. No moral to be detected or other meaning. Just, a poem.
But thank you for the review