So often we forget that Icarus once flew.
Sometimes I forget that I did, too.
The heights I once called home
Are succeeded by a syndrome,
Haunts, shadows, playing craps
Betting on my sanity- or rather, its relapse.
Normalcy is extravagant;
I’ll remain abstinent.
And maybe I’m better off
Sunken, fallen.
I once stood where you crawl,
But I’ll take the blow, I’ll face the squall,
I’ll open your sails,
I’ll set my own heart telltale-
It’s easier to clear your way, be your guide,
Than to cease the terrors crowding inside.
One thing only I ask in return.
Sojourn.
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126,451 Literary Works • 672,938 Reviews
Lovely work! Rarely am I a fan of rhyming poems, but you managed to nail it.
A solid first couplet, I like the reference to Icarus (though I know him better as Phaeton). I love the line "Sometimes I forget that I did, too," I think it pulls off a significant exposition in such a short phrase.
I suggest a comma after "craps," you haven't ignored punctuation through the rest of the poem and to me it seems to need one.
The whole ship imagery- fantastic! It sounds so lyrical, so heartfelt... great work!
And that brings us to the end, which you executed well. Not sure if I like the period after "return" or if a colon/semicolon would be more appropriate.
Great work all around, you've shared a genuine and beautiful piece with us. Thanks!
Laminated
Thank you so much for the review! It truly means a lot to me. After rereading, I agree with your critiques; thanks for pointing them out. I appreciate your words of help and encouragement!
Hello!
) and it means 'temporary stay.' This really relates to the ideas in your poem and referencing 'Icarus'... this is just a really intelligent piece. 
Well done!
I love this poem. It's really interesting. You made me laugh with this line: 'Haunts, shadows, playing craps' though. I know what craps is, it just seems like a weird choice of vocabulary for this style of poem? But anyways.
The overall effect is startling. The title 'Staccato' would imply the a detached or separated sensation - and you certainly achieve that. The lines bear pretty much no relation to each other.
I also find the ending very interesting. You've used a short sentence, eg. one word; 'Sojourn.' I didn't know what this meant, so I Googled it (good old Google
Thank you so much! I appreciate the way you kind of analyzed it; it means a lot to me that someone found some depth to it. Thanks again!
Hi SkyeDreamer.
I thoroughly enjoyed this. It is relatable, and rough. You have a nice style.
I would like to mention, I did not quite understand
"The heights I once called home
Are succeeded by a syndrome,"
It doesnt flow to me, but you are the writer. Dont let criticism change something you believe in. I am new to this anyway.
I particularly liked... lines one and two, lines seven and eight and especially the last two lines. Sojourn is such an underused word. It wraps up your poem very well. Nice choice.
SkyeDreamer, I enjoyed your piece. Keep writng! And if you have any questions or otherwise, let me know.
Thanks so much, I appreciate it! It means a lot to me; I'm really glad you liked the ending.
Wow, this was really good! I love it because it's so descriptive (at least to me it is). I just love your play with words.
The only thing I noticed was that the flow in the beginning was a little awkward.
The flow:
The first two lines are great, but when it gets to the fourth and fifth lines, the flow is a little strange. Perhaps you'll want to remove a word in the fourth line (like, "are") to make it flow a tiny bit better.
One more thing:
I really like the last line's impact, but it's a tiny bit awkward, but I also don't know what else could be put into there for it to sound a little more fluid, so it's not that important, I guess.
Punctuation: The line before the last line, I think you might want to put a semi-colon there if you aren't going to change the last line. Or you can just put a comma there, either one works.
Other than that, great poem, I really like your wording choice. P.S., you don't have to take any of my advice! This is all yours to control!
Ahh thank you so much for the review! I went back and reread with your suggestions, and you make some good points- you may be right about removing "are," I think. I really appreciate the tips and encouragement!!
You are very welcome!