Published June 27, 2011
My tail swished through the frosty mess
As I moved through my frozen home.
I clumsily pounced, sunk, and tried again
To find a sturdier place to roam.
I looked up at the heavy gray skies,
And at the tumbling white stuff
Falling from the heavy clouds
And burying the land in strange fluff.
My siblings pranced around in a daze,
Just as deeply confused as I,
At this sweet new ground sticking to our paws
That was falling from the sky!
Flop! And I was sunken deep
In a chilly cave of splendor;
My mother laughed and dug me out
As I looked around in wonder.
Our chubby paws, frozen noses,
Our matted fur and icy faces,
Looked around for one last time
At our paw prints and the sculpted spaces.
We young ones were not ready to leave
This brand new world we had yet to know.
Truly, nothing can compare to the fun
Of a leopard cub playing in the snow.
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140,530 Literary Works • 673,403 Reviews
Hi there! Here is, as promised, the reveiw of your entry to my contest. I adore this poem. Just so you know, I spent a long time deciding between this one and Andie's poem for third place. So that makes you honorable metion, fourth place! I really love the new concept. I've never read a poem before about leopard cubs. I especially loved the lines about the sweet new ground that was falling from the sky. LOVED THEM! Great job. I couldn't find anything I didn't like about it.
-Cammie
Hello, SkyeDreamer!
This is great! I really enjoyed reading it. As the person before me said, the imagery was fantastic. The rhymes definitely helped the reading of it. My favorites lines were "In a chilly cave of splendor" and "Falling from the heavy clouds". It seems in each of these you were able to imagine just the situation you were describing, and expertly relayed it to the reader. Brilliant!
There was only one rhyme that stuck out a little to me, and that was "stuff" and "fluff". They seemed to me a little out of place in this particular poem. Your "voice" seemed... older, I suppose? Maybe consider glancing through a thesaurus and seeing if there's anything that might fit more snugly.
I really enjoyed reading this! Keep up the good work!
Cheers,
Klanet
Hi,
This was really fun. The rhyme complimented the piece nicely and the imagery was great. The originality of the first line really drew me in. A famous writer told me once that it is extremely difficult to write about snow in an original way, but I think you've done it here.
I love how you capture the wonder and confusion of the cub. "Flop!" was wonderful, as was "chilly cave of splendor." I also love the desciption of the mother's treatment of the cubs, and the final stanza was excellent.
My only tiny quibble is that I'd cut the "and" before "burying", but this is a very minor thing.
I think that for the sake of experimentation it might be interesting to try this in the present tense to make it more immediate and bring the reader closer to the cub.
A pleasure.
Jas