Published April 29, 2011
Day 1
I’m sorry I’m not good enough,
But really, I thought I did try.
I don’t know why you act this way,
Why you must make me want to cry.
Just when I think I’ve done it right,
You turn it around to the left.
And when I go to try again,
You just make me feel so bereft.
I don’t know why I feel this way,
But I’ll try again tomorrow.
I just hope later on tonight
I won’t have dreams full of sorrow.
Day 2
Today was like a fairytale,
A book that leaves me so confused.
I tried to tell you how I feel,
But you just scorn and act amused.
Why is my life filled with problems?
I ask, why is my life this way?
My last one must have been sinful
For me to have this price to pay!
I thought today was a story;
It turns out I was very right.
What I forgot to mention is,
There’s no happy ending in sight.
Day 3
Well, here we go again, Dearest.
I hope today I’ll do some good.
If there was something I could change,
I hope you know I truly would.
I might never make you happy
But I don’t want to make you mad.
Whether or not you will notice,
I’ll work to earn love and be glad.
All I want is to feel your love,
But it seems to me since he died,
You have no use for girls like me.
For your care I’ll search far and wide.
Day 4
Could it be that you see the truth,
The daughter I want you to see?
But there it goes, that flash of love;
I should have known you still hate me.
I know you miss him. I do too.
I miss our relationship more.
The life I want to see as real
Just leaves behind an open sore.
Why does it have to be this way?
I’ll just have to get used to it.
Until the day you love me true,
I’ll wish and work, then wait and sit.
Day 5
Ah, there it is, from years ago.
A dash of the past rushes by.
The reason why you hate me so
Is not my fault, yet makes me cry!
I found the photos way up high,
Far out of my chubby arm’s reach.
You wish I were good like he was;
Why won’t you practice what you preach?
I can’t even remember him,
Nor the times that you cared for me.
That must have been so long ago,
Mem’ries impossible to see.
Day 6
Today I make my young child’s vow
Not to give in to you again.
Maybe soon we’ll love each other;
I only wish I could know when.
You lie and cheat, then lie some more
And all because so long ago
You lost someone you loved so much,
Someone I barely got to know.
It’s not my fault; I know that’s true,
And one day you’re going to learn.
You can’t change the past- please love me
Or the tables might someday turn.
Day 7
Diary, I don’t want to cry
But no one cares for my love.
In my dreams I can float away,
Even be carefree like a dove.
Of course things will be better soon.
I just keep repeating that phrase.
But no matter how much I do,
I can’t seem to earn any praise.
I guess it’s time to rest, dear friend,
And dream about my future life.
Will the next few years bring me joy,
Goodness, and days not full of strife?
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,530 Literary Works • 673,403 Reviews
Hi Skye!
I really liked this! I've never read a poem in the form of a sort of diary so it was really interesting. The rhyme and rhythm flowed well in most places, but I see someone already commented in that so I'll try not to repeat that.
I just wonder who the person was talking about. I know she felt really unloved... but by whom? All this hate is aimed at her because she did something wrong... but what did she do? Apart from those two questions I really liked reading that and it was very enjoyable.
Deanie x
Hello,
Thanks for requesting a review! Here we go:
I feel like sometimes you are trying to force a rythme. Like the word bereft, it feels like you only put it there because it rythmed; it doesn't flow right.
The word dearest interupts the flow of things, and isn't needed.
I feel like this would flow better if it read I'll work to earn your love and be glad
This line seems a little abrupt and interupts the flow of the poem.
Just be cause this one person doesn't show her any affection she has to think that no one loves her? This bit feels like a teenage drama instead of something real like loosing the love of a father or other person.
Praise sounds so much like phrase that I'm not sure if it fits.
Overall I really enjoyed this poem, but maybe you should add a little more emotion, a little more into what the reader can't see to make us relate a little better.
If you have any questions or need any help feel free to ask.
Have a great day,
Tiffany
Report this postDiary
by SkyeDreamer on Thu Apr 28, 2011 6:25 pm
Day 1I’m sorry I’m not good enough,But really, I thought I did try.I don’t know why you act this way,Why you must make me want to cry.Just when I think I’ve done it right,You turn it around to the left.And when I go to try again,You just make me feel so bereft.I don’t know why I feel this way,But I’ll try again tomorrow.I just hope later on tonightI won’t have dreams full of sorrow.Day 2Today was like a fairytale,A book that leaves me so confused.I tried to tell you how I feel,But you just scorn and act amused.Why is my life filled with problems?I ask, why is my life this way?My last one must have been sinfulFor me to have this price to pay!I thought today was a story;It turns out I was very right.What I forgot to mention is,There’s no happy ending in sight.Day 3Well, here we go again, Dearest.I hope today I’ll do some good.If there was something I could change,I hope you know I truly would.I might never make you happyBut I don’t want to make you mad.Whether or not you will notice,I’ll work to earn love and be glad.All I want is to feel your love,But it seems to me since he died,You have no use for girls like me.For your care I’ll search far and wide.Day 4Could it be that you see the truth,The daughter I want you to see?But there it goes, that flash of love;I should have known you still hate me.I know you miss him. I do too.I miss our relationship more.The life I want to see as realJust leaves behind an open sore.Why does it have to be this way?I’ll just have to get used to it.Until the day you love me true,I’ll wish and work, then wait and sit.Day 5Ah, there it is, from years ago.A dash of the past rushes by.The reason why you hate me soIs not my fault, yet makes me cry!I found the photos way up high,Far out of my chubby arm’s reach.You wish I were good like he was
From what I get from this poem it sounds like you're talking about a lost father, but then it almost sounds as though you're actually talking to your father - but who is this man you didn't know that the other person misses? You should clarify it. I know it makes sense to you but it won't make sense to your readers and readers don't like leaving a poem asking questions.
Iloved it! I think you described the feeling of being unloved very well. I have felt this way before, and it described just how i felt.