My Eyes

Hi there Skyaegin! Niteowl here to review for Team Dreamwave!

Now, eye poems are done a lot. Eyes are a big part of ourselves and how we perceive others, so it's natural that much has already been said about them already.

That said, I liked how you described the different ways eyes can be used. While not totally original, it was well-worded and interesting to read.

I agree with jordin about the "grander than oceans" thing. The stanza is comparing eyes to a smile, but I don't think of smiles as particularly grand. Think about what smiles actually do: they ease the tension, draw in other people, make you feel better. Then perhaps you can come up with a more fitting metaphor.

The last stanza sounds nice, but it's also the most cliche. I might challenge you to think of what else eyes can reflect. Is the reflection in your eyes true or distorted?

Overall, this isn't bad, but I might challenge you to experiment with something different. Write about something that you haven't read before. Looking at something more mundane can often yield surprisingly intriguing insights. Whatever you do, keep writing!

Hello, I will be reviewing your poem today. This is my fifteenth review and i have come across the most beautiful poems and this is definitely one of them. So let's start with the first stanza:

'My eyes are a fountain
Droplets descending
Tears welling up
When blissful or sad'

I absolutely loved your first line. It actually made me read your poem further. I also liked that you mentioned that we have tears in our eyes when we are happy or sad. The first stanza should always attract the readers which it beautifully did according to me.

'My eyes are a tool
For sighting all wonders
Colorful works
Painted by nature'

Here again the first line was great where you called your eyes a tool. It made your poem more interesting. You also stated the beauty of nature in this stanza. Basically you contrasted the two purpose of eyes that is weeping or seeing beautiful things. I liked that distinction that you made.

'My eyes are a smile
Resembling a giggle
Sweeter than honey
Grander than oceans'

This stanza had similes which i really appreciate. You very well described how eyes show the feeling of happiness when one remembers someone else. And when eyes have those expressions, how they look. Well conveyed by similes.

'My eyes are a reflection
Clear as crystal
Of the one I hold
The one I love'

This was the best stanza of all. And maybe that's the reason you have made it the last.

Even though your poem seemed immature in one way, in another way it was not. Maybe that was because you did not rhyme your poem. That does make it a little serious. As you can see, i cannot see any flaw in your poem, however hard i tried to find it!

Great work, Keep it up and keep writing!!

Cheers,

Shiksha!

Zello, Jordin writing a review for you. I hope it hulps you out. *Tries to sound Scotch.*

Well first thing I noticed it that you have no periods or commas so... I would say put in some.

Well the last line of the third stanza does not make sense.

Good though although the first line of the first stanza was a little stanza because when you say cry everyone instantly thinks someone crying but the way you said it is like Pumba when Simabe left.

Some of this poem did not make complete sense but your riming does need a little patchwork just try and read through it think of some word that time with fountain or tears or crying or something, also I would try to put in a more distinct plot.

I think this poem was good although it had a few problems but the good thing is that you only had a FEW problems with it.

Keep writing= Improvement.

May god be with you.

~Jon~

This was so sweet, it made me smile
I definitely like your poem, I think the literary devices you used were clever and the associations you make to everyday objects or actions create perfect imagery.
Grammar is good. I have no criticisms.
Keep it up, I hope to read more from you!