Forth of November

Hey there, Skyaejin.

I like the simplicity of the poem, and the way you organized it. It looks very neat with the four four line stanzas.

There are some things that need to be addressed in the poem.

1) This might sound like a bit of a nitpick, but you spelled the title wrong. The actual title, the one that shows up on YWS. I almost didn't read the poem because of the misspelling. It looks unprofessional.

2) While this is a simple poem, and it is meant to be simple, I'm not getting much emotion from this piece. It should radiate joy, and the way its written is bland, to say the best. Honestly, if you want this poem to have more emotional impact, I might try describing the surroundings more than what the bride is wearing and how she is feeling (you say it's a dark and dim night; what is the light in that night?). In fact, don't mention how she's feeling at all. If you let a joyful tone seep into the whole poem, you won't need to do that. Let the audience figure that out.

3) The last line makes me think the poem might have a different meaning than what other people (and I, previously in the review) have interpreted it as. It makes it sound like the words "I do" are bullets to be loaded into the chamber of a gun by a regretful bride (perhaps years after her wedding). If you indeed meant to imply this in your poem, you need to make the tone more obvious. It's all guessing right now because I have no idea what the poem is supposed to make me feel.

4) The rhyme scheme, while not terrible, isn't really adding anything to the poem for me. I feel like it is restricting the way you put together words to create tone. Tone is the biggest issue in the poem, honestly.

I like that you wrote about marriage. You don't see many poems about marriage these days. Nice. I hope that this review was helpful to you. Keep writing!

Hi Skyaejin!

As it's review day I thought I'd give my two cents on a few poems, and this one certainly spoke to me. I have to be honest, I'm not the biggest fan of contemporary poetry. I like structure and rhymes, but that's just me. So I thought this was a good, simple poem.
It did follow a certain meter and rhyme, however one line "reveals all things hidden" ends on an unstressed syllable, which inclines me to suggest that it could be reworded somehow to make it fit the rest of the poem. If, in fact, you'd be willing to edit. Please keep writing though! I think you have a lot of potential

- Nick

Hey Skyaejin!

This is a cute little rhyming poem that you have that praises the joy of a wedding date/wedding night. The rhymes make it sound a bit sing-songy though, and it doesn't really contribute much to the poem. Anyone can rhyme words together, but it makes it interesting the words you choose to rhyme! For example: Light/Night, it's been done a million times, right? But how about: light --recite (one syllable/two syllable rhymes!) or in the case of November/remember, it's pretty obvious/you get hundreds of poems using that rhyme. But how about november / cucumber. Even though it's not as exact, the tension in the sound effects make the poem much more interesting and evocative. Try experimenting with sounds. Even slant rhymes: bike/ fight -- while not a perfect rhyme, still has the illusion of one!

All of that being said, what I do like about this poem is how you still managed to use some imagery. So the milky white dress, the bouquet, etc. The next step/level of improving it is instead of using cliche descriptions: milky white, try experimenting with odd combinations such as egg white or alabaster. By experimenting with vocabulary, you can easily achieve a vivid description that can be interesting and engaging while also achieving a mood/tone to the piece.

I hope this helps.

~ as always, Audy

Hello. I am doin you a review, and I sure hope it helps.

Okay well I must admit although I loved the way you started it you need to put a bit of punctuation in I mean there is literally none.

Hmm well I am not sure what you are trying to say but your rimes were super cool.

T’was deep and dim night