Published June 8, 2011
The presence was strong. It was a young woman and she was troubled and afraid. He wanted to reach out and help her, but she was intangible, only an existence. When she spoke it was soft and warm. It made him drift deeper into his sleep. She began to sing. A voice only the Lords could manifest. And then she was gone. As quickly as the dream had come.
~
The Alaha Forest was quiet and serene. The sound of birds calling for their mates and insects buzzing their wild calls filled the forest trees. The Night King and his regiment had made it to the Alaha in the nick of time as the storm that had hovered over them through their journey across the desert finally relinquished itself in heavy torrents.
“Damon,” a distant voice whispered. Damon looked up, startled. He had fallen asleep again when he was supposed to be finding pathways to portals to Arlynn from the Dark Forest. Damon had blamed the stress of trying to save his kingdom on his lack of sleep and fatigue as a result.
“Damon,” the voice said again.
“What,” he snapped. Looking up from his map.
Mortimar stood glaring down at him.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Damon said, standing up.
“Did you dream about her again,” Mortimar asked, his glare softening into curiosity.
Damon looked around. The clergyman, Sebastian, lay against one tree reading the Book of Amity while Ciro, Piero, and Erion were leaning against their own trees, sharpening their swords.
“Yes,” Damon said quietly. “I still didn’t get to see her though. All I’ve been hearing is the voice.”
“What’s it sound like? Is it a voice of an old woman, or what?”
“It’s a young woman,” Damon said. “Her voice sounds like nothing I can fathom. It’s as if the Lords made it out of spun gold.”
Mortimar grinned as Damon blushed slightly under his tanned skin.
“Thy King is fantasizing,” Mortimar said, raising his eyebrows.
Damon grimaced. “Am not.”
Mortimar cocked an eyebrow and widened his grin.
“Damon,” Mortimar said. He was suddenly serious. His grin vanished, replaced by a firm lip. “look.”
Damon turned slowly, to look where Mortimar pointed. A spirit of a woman stood watching them. She glowed different hues of blues and greens, her eyes a bright white. She was beautiful none the less.
“What is that,” Mortimar asked, the spirit and him were staring at each other. The spirit was looking straight through him, however, in some sort of trance.
“It’s an Alaha Spirit,” Damon said, standing up.
“Is it dangerous,” Mortimar asked, not breaking his stare on the spirit.
“Yes,” Damon said briskly. Fast as an Elven with its bow and arrow, Damon reached for his father’s dagger and thrust it at the spirit. The spirit dodged the dagger with surprising speed and suddenly appeared in front of Mortimar.
Instinctively, Mortimar used his magic. Hands glowing blue, he thrust a spell at the spirit. It let out an uncanny shrieking sound that echoed through the forest, alerting the Adilyte sharpening their swords.
Ciro bounded forward, magic flaming in his readied hands. Piero and Erion raced over as well, alert and ready as the spirit began to regain its stance. Mortimar and Ciro let their magic hit rapidly at the darting spirit while Piero used his sword to thrust at its chest.
“You must catch its soul,” Damon said, throwing a spell at the spirit’s chest.
The Adilyte crouched close to the ground and began to target their prey. It was nothing but a small child’s game to them. Darting off, the three Adilyte chased after the spirit. Once cornered by them, the spirit let out another air piercing scream. The shrillness took the clergyman away from his Book of Amity and his meditation, making him look up.
“STOP,” Sebastian screamed. “You mustn’t kill this creature, what has it done to harm you?”
Just as Sebastian said ‘harm’, the spirit let out another screech and barred her sharp, needle teeth at the three Adilyte. Not backing down, driven on pride the three Adilyte pressed on, trying to get the soul of the spirit.
Like a snake striking in fear, the spirit lashed wisps of herself at the men. Damon launched himself into the air, using magic to guide him over to his regiment, and landed in front of the spirit. Taking his sword he jarred it into the spirits soul. Bright light emitted from the floating orb in the spirit’s chest. The spirit erupted into a dazzling display of blue light, lighting up the immediate forest.
When all was silent for a moment, Sebastian rushed over, dividing the Adilyte to see the spirit, but all traces had vanished in the sudden rupture. Sebastian’s face turned even paler than his natural tone, and began to shake. Damon had seen nothing like it. The clergyman was getting angry.
“You are monsters,” Sebastian wailed. “Killing that creature... it’s not right.”
Damon rolled his eyes at Sebastian’s ignorance. “She would have killed you if we hadn’t gotten to her first.”
“It was self-defense, Brother Sebastian,” Ciro said in his gruff voice. Sebastian stumbled away from the large, burly man.
“It was not self-defense if she did not act first,” Sebastian said.
“It’s done now,” Damon said. He began walking away before he turned back to look at Sebastian. “We must hurry before more come back.”
Sebastian, despite his love for life of all creatures, stiffened at the thought of more of the spirits coming.
“We’re going to have to cut through Rune,” Damon said sheathing his sword in its holster. “The portals are located along the river on the other side of the village.”
Mortimar who had kept quiet through Sebastian’s patronizing and anger, stepped forward, running a hand through his black hair.
“Kiyet,” Mortimar barked. The Adilyte composed their selves and began following Damon and Mortimar towards the Village of Rune, Sebastian following loosely behind.
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140,637 Literary Works • 673,574 Reviews
Hey! Here for reviewing!
I have to warn you, I haven't read the other chapters, so ignore anything that doesn't go along with the rest of the story.
Honestly, this sounds really interesting. I love fantacy (why I chose to read this) and even though I had no idea how they got there, I still got sucked into it. My only thing is that I have been having issues immagining the spirit. Is she solid (because she got stabed, I'm going to guess yes) but the word spirit sugests gassious.
Other than that, there were just a couple of sentences that could be reworded.
Keep writing!
--Bee--
Hello! I'm going to be reviewing your work for today:)
So, I'm going to begin with the grammatical areas for improvement, if you don't mind
I feel like this sentence is a bit of a run-on, a little too long. Try to either break it up or use a comma to make it shorter.
Just rearrange the "as a result" a little bit, again making it sound like less of a run-on.
Fragment with "Looking..etc". connect the two sentences.
Comma after grimaced.
"Nonetheless" is one word.
Question mark if he's asking.
I love this sentence
Okay now for my opinion. I enjoyed this chapter, I think it had a good description of the main characters feelings, but you might want to describe it more when they're fighting the spirit. Also, why is the spirit so dangerous in the first place? You explained it was self-defense, but why did Damon say it was harmful in the first place? It would have been nice for him to explain it. Also, I'd like a more detailed description of the spirit. I wanted to picture it in my head more, but I don't think I caught its true essence. Otherwise, great job!
Keep writing!
<3 Sara