Published July 25, 2011
Just something i worked on at three in the morning....couldn't sleep 
THE LANTERN IS LIT
The lantern is lit
Brightening the path of the lost
Hung by the sleepless forest
Where it seems fit
The lantern is lit
Illuminating the way to the shore
Hung by the dreary docks
Where it seems fit
The lantern is lit
Shining down on dark souls
Hung by the home of Christ
Where it seems fit
The lantern is lit
Beaming over the home
Hung by the children
Where it seems fit
The lantern is lit
Giving light to those in need
Hung by the sickbay
Where it seems fit
The lantern is lit
Flickering above those old gravediggers
Hung by the mausoleum
Where it seems fit
The lantern is lit
Engulfing the world with its incandescence
Hung by the people with lost hope
Where it seems fit
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140,533 Literary Works • 673,403 Reviews
Sadly, I must disagree with most about the flow and rhythm of the poem. In my personal opinion, most of the stanzas were too wordy, or didn't mesh well with the previous/following stanza.
Just an idea, but maybe if you were to find a way to get the same number (give or take one or two maybe) of syllables in the "in between" lines of the stanzas, it would end up flowing much more smoothly.
Hope to help,
FragmentsOfSorrow
The flow of this poem is perfect, and the fact that every fourth line in each stanza is the same, and rhymes with the first line, it just sounds satisfying. If that makes sense. You did a wonderful job controlling the cadance, and giving it a clear, smooth rhythm. Also, your imagery was extrodinary, and every image you gave was vivid and very easy to picture. Bravo!
It's a nice poem, creative and expressive.
In the first stanza, I'd like to know what the "Sleepless forest" is referring to though..
I find your use of adjectives odd.
The first and second stanzas are the only two where you described the places. "Sleepless forest" and "Dreary docks".
Still though, it adds imagery, which is one of the things people really look for in a poem.
I feel that
Should be:
Your choice though.
Each stanza is four lines, keeping it mostly balanced, which I like.
Overall, this is a great poem, I really liked it.
I like how you continued with "Where it seems fit" at the end of every stanza. I liked the rhythm and emotion as well; the way you explain all that the lantern stands for and where it is. Very Very nice. I loved it. Keep writing.
First off, I should say that I'm not great at writing or reviewing poetry, so I won't be able to go into a great deal of detail.
I liked your rhythm, and the very raw message in this poem; there were no bells and whistles, just feeling--which I like. However, it started to get repetitious after about the fourth section. Consider adding some variety to it, something to break the consistency of the 'lantern is lit' lines.
I only saw two errors:
Overall, very nicely done. Keep up the good work!