Published May 10, 2008
Dear Abandonment,
I miss the way things once were,
the way life use to be.
Before the world came crashing down,
an ending to your loving fantasy.
Your lips have scarred me;
Opened the world to my eyes.
Why was it taken away?
Without a choice, Without a fight.
Our love was so pure, and so true
I'll cherish the memories,
Hold onto the passion,
Lock them away, protected from pain.
Never forget how much I loved you.
Smile as the day passes you by.
This letter was nor for sadness or spite;
It was my letter to say to you, goodbye.
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140,861 Literary Works • 673,695 Reviews
The overall concept of writing or leaving a letter to an ex through poetry sounds pretty cool. I'm sure they'd be sorry when they see how good you are. Hehe.
Yes, I did like this one now. The imagery was good, the only thing was the rhythm seemed a little...stilted or something, confined to the strict stansas. Maybe let them all flow into one since the rhyming scheme isn't very apparent? Just an idea...
Anyway, good power behind the words. I felt like you experienced this.
Fav line:
Nice job.
Eimear
The only thing i can think of to help you out is in line "Before the world came crashing down, and ending to your loving fantasy." I'm almost positive you were trying to say "an ending to your loving fantasy"
This is one dam good poem. I'm sure it could make any ex smile.
Good luck
First review!!!!
I liked how you potayed the pain in this peice.
A nice begining. It sets the situation for the poem.
These lines are so beautiful I wished I thought of it. I reflects on your depth.
Those are things I wanted to highlight. This was a good poem. It seem like you put alot of work into this. Gold star!!!!