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Life

by SjZ2024


When low you forget to look high. When high you forget to look higher and instead look down getting terrified. Trudging through the hole you created you miss the next step you created thinking it’ll be okay skipping this one. What you find out is, you misplaced your footing and hang placement, consequently, looking up from the ground, numbed. Slowly as you start getting up, setting yourself up for the next attempt, you just decide to brush off all the dust; breathing as much life you can muster. Feeling defeated, you tell yourself internally “I will only focus on the next step releasing everything else until I can get from this hole and I won’t get hurt this time.” 

The classic saying is —-“Take baby steps.”—- This is a wonderful thought but what happens when a rattlesnake starts rattling when you get near that step? Staying calm instead of being rash or harsh decisions could potentially get yourself killed. Why would anyone do this? You can either have poison rushing through your veins or be tugged again by the overwhelming fear of falling that you make that decision again to skip that step. This is the pivotal moment that could end it all.

Instead of becoming too overwhelmed, however, you get another opinion from someone but there is no one around. So you just start screaming “help” then out of nowhere a voice says “take the extra rope and make a way to scare the snake.” As you do this, you start to worry the snake will fall on you. This voice replies “is it better to be at the ground again?” Confidence is restored. You get passed the snake and after a few more steps you are out of the hole without thinking. A bright smile widens on your face. You look higher and inside say”Thank you for the courage, confidence, and patience.



The End


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Thu Apr 25, 2024 6:28 pm
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

When low you forget to look high. When high you forget to look higher and instead look down getting terrified. Trudging through the hole you created you miss the next step you created thinking it’ll be okay skipping this one. What you find out is, you misplaced your footing and hang placement, consequently, looking up from the ground, numbed. Slowly as you start getting up, setting yourself up for the next attempt, you just decide to brush off all the dust; breathing as much life you can muster. Feeling defeated, you tell yourself internally “I will only focus on the next step releasing everything else until I can get from this hole and I won’t get hurt this time.”


Oooh this is quite the start right here, especially to a piece with a title like life. Definitely the kind of thing that gets you thinking. I think that's a very well done intro right there just capturing this lovely essence of the idea that you're trying to present. I think its a lovely way to start off proceedings. Let's see where we're headed next.

The classic saying is —-“Take baby steps.”—- This is a wonderful thought but what happens when a rattlesnake starts rattling when you get near that step? Staying calm instead of being rash or harsh decisions could potentially get yourself killed. Why would anyone do this? You can either have poison rushing through your veins or be tugged again by the overwhelming fear of falling that you make that decision again to skip that step. This is the pivotal moment that could end it all.


Well this is quite the outlook. You really do tend to just focus on bits of advice like that often without exploring the full range of consequences that can occur from things like that so this is quite a bit of advice to see in terms of how one can go about facing a situation like that and learning both to process it and to then move forward with it.

Instead of becoming too overwhelmed, however, you get another opinion from someone but there is no one around. So you just start screaming “help” then out of nowhere a voice says “take the extra rope and make a way to scare the snake.” As you do this, you start to worry the snake will fall on you. This voice replies “is it better to be at the ground again?” Confidence is restored. You get passed the snake and after a few more steps you are out of the hole without thinking. A bright smile widens on your face. You look higher and inside say”Thank you for the courage, confidence, and patience.


OOoh this is a lovely ending to proceedings here. I feel it does an excellent job of tidying things up with respect to the ideas you establish earlier and it truly is quite a beautiful message to consider. Overall I find this work stands out quite a bit amongst others like it, going down a slightly different path and yet telling us a wonderful message to carry forward into life all the same. Very nicely done.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate




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Thu Apr 25, 2024 4:36 am
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Ashurada wrote a review...



My second review. I'm trying to write one a day so that can familiarize myself with other people's work as well as see what things I may have to change in my own writing. Also welcome the site, I'm new as well.

Step One: First impressions
While reading, at least until the end, I didn't think this was actually about rock climbing. I thought rock climbing was more of an analogy, whereas the central theme was more about 'you' aka the reader, 'myself' in this scenario overcoming fear, more like an essay than a story. It was only by the end where I realized what you were trying to write.

Step Two: Constructive Criticism

Feeling defeated, you tell yourself internally “I will only focus on the next step releasing everything else until I can get from this hole and I won’t get hurt this time.”


You can remove "internally." Since it's implied by saying "you tell yourself".

When high you forget to look higher and instead look down getting terrified.


You don't need "getting" here. You could either replace it with "becoming".

The classic saying is —-“Take baby steps.”—- This is a wonderful thought but...


I feel like you don't need that first "is". Actually, it might do better to add a bit more flavor to is, such as "There's a classic saying, one I'm sure you've heard it before." or "You remember the age old saying —-“Take baby steps.”—- A wonderful thought but..."

Staying calm instead of being rash or harsh decisions could potentially get yourself killed.


You should rewrite this line. "harsh decisions could potentially get yourself killed." Also I feel like you should add a bit more after, "Staying calm instead of being rash," It feels like something else should be here before "harsh decisions"

You can either have poison rushing through your veins or be tugged again by the overwhelming fear of falling that you make that decision again to skip that step.


I can't exact figure out what's feels wrong with the latter part of this sentence, but I'll try. "or be tugged by the overwhelming fear of falling that you make" is fine, but "that decision again to skip that step. I understand your meaning, but this feels as though this snippet should be rewritten.

Instead of becoming too overwhelmed, however, you get another opinion from someone but there is no one around.


This sentence is a bit weird. It feels as though this is what you were trying to say. "Overwhelmed, you wish there was someone else to as for their opinion, but there is no one around."



Step Three: Positive Encouragement

I enjoyed reading this, I think you have something good. It feels like it needs a bit more polishing and maybe two or three more paragraphs to make it feel more like a story. As I said before this feels almost like an essay or article, or like a snippet of a self -help book, though written in the second pov, which I like reading. I don't know why others don't, it's probably all the Choose your own adventure games I've played over the years. (Also don't feel bad about, half of the books I've ever read are self-help books, lol)

Reading this helped me to understand something I've been struggling with. Just take baby steps. That line is a reminder of the old story the tortoise and the hare. Slow and steady wins the race. There's no one else to compete against than the version of myself yesterday and even then, it shouldn't be taken as something look down on myself about. If that makes sense heh.

If you're going for narrative fiction, then I recommend adding in sensory details as well as scenery. If you struggle with this then one idea, I have is to grab a piece of paper and free write random words or phrases that are related to the scene.

For example: Rock Climbing

Trees, Birds chirping, heat, sun hanging high in the sky, thirsty, water bottle, refreshing, left water in the car, fall, lose bag, dirt in eye, hurt leg, slipped and drop supplies into crevice, scared, feel the fear and do it anyway, stuck in crevice, slight breeze, nighttime coming, stung by strange bug, hallucinations, tired fingers, muscles aching

Now you can take any of these words and phrases and then try to craft descriptive sentences with them. Which is a whole other challenge in on itself, lol.

Happy Writing.




TOPAWG says...


I love this review, so detailed and informative and it's only your 2nd review on this site! I love reviews like this, it really helps encourage writers to improve their work! Also, welcome to the site am also new!




i got called an enigma once so now i purposefully act obtuse
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