Published March 4, 2011
The house along Himmel Street
Loomed over the dusty field in which it sadly lay.
Its owners had gone
Said the freshly dug seller
Random possessions scattered
And
Scrambled clothes in the drawers.
Its owners were old
Said the thousands of old photographs
Comfy chairs
And
Balls of yarn all over the floor.
Its owners were kind
Said the boxes of Girl Scout cookies
The cards that they received
And
Notes that foretold of so-and-so looking for this
And so-and-so lost that.
Its owners were learned
Said the giant library
The certificates from college
And
The pair of reading glasses on the table.
Its owners once had children
Said the rooms unused upstairs with toys from long ago
The picture books
And
The rusty jungle gym in the yard.
Its owners were alone when they came
Said the cut telephone wire
The stains of blood on the carpet
And
The knocked over tables and broken glass.
No one knew its owners left
Said the house along Himmel Street
Looming over the dusty field in which it sadly lay.
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Thanks so much Lavvi! I'm so glad that you liked it, especially after you had read a lot about WW2! Hmmm, I'm going to PM you about the title. I understand about The House on Himmel Street, but it is kind of too redundant when you read the poem. Any better ideas? Love to talk!
Chow for now,
sionarama
p.s.
this is to all of you reading. The name of the street in my poem is giving reverance to the book The Book Theif. It is an amazing and moving book about the Holocaust told by Death himself! Please read it. I promise you, you will laugh and cry. (but mostly cry)
Hi Sio. Lavvi in to review.
This is so sad. I've read a lot about WW2. I found this poem so touching and sad. You've got a great way of representing the destruction the Nazis created. Targeting one small family, but in the end the meaning is so vast.
I liked how you taught us about this small family, showed a small bit of their background, a bit of their life and past. So sad. I admit I got a little teary-eyed.
However, I find the title has little to offer. I suggest renaming it: "The House on Himmel Street". It sounds cool and it's a bit eerie as well.
Yours,
Lavvi
Dear Everyone Who Has Commented,
Thank you so much for commenting on my poem Deserted! It has made me feel really good about my poems and style of writing. I love the feedback and hope to get more. Please tell your friends on YWS who like poems to comment. If your thinking that Im asking you to advertise... you most certainly are right! If there's anything wrong with the poem please post it here, especially if you already commented and you found another thing wrong...or right. That makes me feel very happy!
Im graced by your presence, so thank you all so much for making me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside (buenno, thanks for the line)
Love and love again,
sionarama
Wow.
The poem is absolutely amazing.
I love it when writers, poets find a new way to tell a story. The way you tie what was left inside the house and who the owners were is amazing to say the least, and the way you invoke a feeling of sadness through the poem makes it even more a great piece of work.
The house along Himmel Street
Loomed over the dusty field in which it sadly lay.
Great lines. And the way you repeated it at the end of the poem greatly enhanced the sense of eeriness.
Sometimes, I find pieces, poems that are more than just words. They are pieces of art, masterpieces if you will. I rarely ever do find them, as I am not one who is easily impressed. But your poem, my friend, is definitely art. And I am not just saying this to make you feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. I really do mean it.
I am honored to have read your poem.
--> So, so beautiful, that's all I can say about it! :3
This is truly a vivid poem.
The visual coherence is extraordinary and the description has me amazed.
I was truly amazed as I practically saw everything in my mind.
Great job!
~spartacus~
Thank you both so much! I really appreciate the feedback.
Strawberry, freshly dug sellers in the Holocaust was that you had to give all your valuables away to the SS, and the only way to hid them was to dig up your sellers (which were usually dirt) and bury them
-sionarama
Hi!
I must say, I thought that this poem was really good! I loved the description, and think that it is a brilliant idea for a poem. This really made me sad, it was wonderfully written and I found that the use of the many 'and's didn't take away but added to the poem. I'm not sure if this is just me, but when I read the first paragraph I didn't understand the line:
I didn't understand this line when I first read it, but when I reached the line about the photographs, I understood what you were doing
Also, I don't think that you need the elipses (...) in the title, I think that it work really well just as Deserted but it's up to you.
Overall, I thought that your poem was a fantastic piece of work, and I am looking forward to reading more work from you!
~strawberrypop13
Hiya! I'm Luxy and I'm going to review this for you. First off, I'd like to say that this pulled on my heartstrings soooo much that it almost made me cry. Your imagery was lovely and the descriptions so vivid that I could see everything clearly in my head. You depicted the time period superbly. For my nitpicks, I don't really have any. I'm not a poet; I usually just read it. All I can say is that I'm eager to read more of your stuff!
Luxy