part 2

I turned running flat out. I felt faster, more alert; my eyes scanned everything more intensely now picking out tiny details I had never noticed before as I sped down the road. My mind felt bigger somehow I could think of different things and my mind still felt unoccupied. I could hear something following me not human though an animal a big animal from what I could hear but I dismissed it nothing that big dwelled in these forests. My run was too graceful and too fluid to be mine I floated up the hill too quickly and could see my aunt’s house in front of me now.

It had taken me fifteen minutes to reach my aunt’s house. I flung open the front door and flew up the stairs to my room. I just had to get out of here. My aunt was already in the hall screaming abuse at me. I glanced quickly at the door intending to close it but it slammed shut before my hand had touched the handle. I stood back from the door waiting for my aunt’s imminent intrusion, but all I heard were her fists banging on the wood and her hands gripping the handle trying to pry it open yet the door wouldn’t budge. She carried on cussing through her teeth at me.

“Phone, clothes, money, Coat...” where the only words out my mouth before I was dashing round the room stuffing handfuls of clothes into a back pack along with my laptop and phone I dug deep into my drawers and remembered my coat hung on the door. I turned round to collect my coat when I saw jack crouched on the floor facing the door. I screamed slightly and fell over backwards; he spun round and lunged forward to catch me.

“Did they hurt you?” his voice was urgent as he grabbed my coat of the hook to put it around me.

“How... how did you... and they... and I was on fire... but... but...” I couldn’t stop sounding like an idiot.

“Shh” he comforted me stroking my forehead slightly “it’s ok Scarlett, I will tell you

everything I promise but you must answer me... did they hurt you?” I shook my head closing my eyes as tears flowed down my face he wiped them with his thumbs then pulled my face up slightly my eyes opened to meet his careful gaze.

“Good. I know this is very scary for you, what having your powers emerge and then be attacked by the Manakaw all in one afternoon but you’re going to have to trust me now” his expression turned soft “can you trust me Scarlett?”

I just nodded, nodding was safe it would stop me from stuttering again then it hit me, what was he talking about powers and the what?

“What do you mean powers?” I asked confused and slightly dazed now “and what are the Manaclaw?”

“Not Manaclaw, Manakaw- I will explain it all later I promise.” He took the bag from the floor where I had dropped it zipped it up and handed it to me. “Your spell on the door won’t hold much longer you’re going to have to leave now, I can take you to where it is safe. Are you willing to come with me?”

I nodded again as I put the bag over my shoulder. He held my wrists now.

“Trust me you will be fine, just hold on very tight okay. Now here’s what I want you to do, when we get outside I want you get on my back okay, no questions asked, we will be a lot faster that way do you understand me?”

"Yes but what do you mean...” before I could finish he had swept me up in his arms and leapt through the open window as he landed he ran across the front yard and into the trees.

“Don’t be afraid just straight on my back alright.” It wasn’t a question it was an order he let me go and took a few steps back then bent down so he was on his hands and knees on the wet muddy ground, he looked back up at me worried. “Please don’t be frightened I won’t harm you but I need you to stay focused.” He put his head back down closed his eyes and inhaled a sharp breath. Several things happened simultaneously; his body shape changed so his legs bent the other way like a cats, then golden fur poured out of him covering his whole body, he grew both taller and wider, then his face morphed into the face of a lion, he was a lion! I jumped back mouth agape, my blue bright blue eyes wide open. He started to purr or that’s what it sounded like but wild and rough. I stretched my fingers out to touch him and he leant into me then nodded once. I grabbed a fist full of fur, which was course between my fingers and against my palms, threw one leg over his back like a horse to grab another hand full of fur behind his ear and leant forward into him.

Suddenly we were off flying through the forest with such speed and grace it was unbelievable a blur of green boxed me in as he twisted between braches, unearthed roots and felled trees. Mindlessly I started stroking behind his ear the rumbling purr started again as he accelerated further. We carried on deeper into the forest then we reached a small clearing he stopped to allow me to climb off his back then pranced off to the other side to face me. Out from the trees six more creatures appeared three on either side of jack, in a V shape spreading out behind him. Across from right to left I recognised the creatures one was a Siberian tiger, its fur had a striking contrast between white and black, it was so defined and beautiful something about the way it carried itself gave me the impression that it was a girl. Next to ‘her’ stood a Bengal tiger very different in comparison to its neighbour. The bright orange fur looked like it was on fire while the black struck through it. A small female cheetah stood behind and to the right of Jack and she kept glancing over him to the other cheetah, on the opposite side of Jack, who would meet her gaze. Even though both stood still they looked fast. To the left after the male cheetah stood a leopard with the same sandy toned fur as Jack-roughly- but had black patches dotted around him and to the left of him stood his companion, I was guessing, a very slight snow leopard. She never took her eyes off him and carried on brushing her cheek against him.

A small growl slipped between Jack’s teeth but it wasn’t sinister it was more of an order. In synchronisation they focused on me- even the small snow leopard took her eyes off her partner and stood at attention. Slowly following Jack’s lead all six stalked forward and changed one by one into their human form as they approached.

“Is she safe?” the small girl who had been the snow leopard whispered to Jack but obviously meant for me no to hear her. He gave her a single glance then a tiny upwards jerk of his head as an answer, her posture immediately relaxed as the group came to a halt in front of me.

“I’m sorry I was so pushy earlier Scarlett we needed to be safe. This is my family.” He gestured left and right of him with his hands but never moved his gaze from mine. The girl who had been a cheetah stepped forward hand out ready to greet me a pleasant smile spread across her face her features where almost cat like a slim line face and tiny features, her walk was graceful had her teeth had slightly larger canines then the average person, her eyes were the same colour as Jack’s and have the same oval shape her hair was a lovely blonde which had hints of black highlights.

“Hi Scarlett. My name is Jayde the other cheetah is my partner Jordan.” She turned to smile at him. Her voice was just as lovely as Jack’s but in a soft way not rough and deep like his. “These are my sisters Jessie” she turned to face the girl on the right who wore the same expression as me, careful yet friendly. Her face was a lot rounder then Jayde’s and she appeared bigger, she was still graceful but walked a little heavy footed her hair was a very light ashy blonde almost as white was her fur had been.

“Hello” her voice thick with delight.

“And this is Jane” Jayde turned to face the other girl who took a step forward her expression more worried than welcoming. Her hair was the same shade as Jessie’s, and she was a lot stealthier in her approach. Her walk was so quiet and even an owl couldn’t have heard her. The way she moved was so fluid it was almost enchanting to watch. They all had the same eyes as Jack, a strange golden sandy colour with brilliant black pupils and larger canines set in their smile.

“I’m sorry for being rude earlier that was inexcusable of me I hope I am forgiven.” Her eyes pleading slightly so she probably realised I heard her quiet exchange with Jack.

“Of course” I laughed nervously “what’s there to forgive” her face suddenly changed to an even more warm expression than that of her sisters I had obviously made her day.

“This is my partner Jake” she indicated to the boy stood to her left with brilliant golden hair that was very short “and that is Jessie’s partner Jason” she indicated across the V to the other boy with cropped light strawberry blonde hair.

“Hi” both said nervously, it was the kind of voice you put on when you met someone famous or powerful, I tried not to think about it but it kept bugging me.

Jayde leaned in towards Jacks ear and started to whisper “we are going to have to get back before sun down we need to leave soon” she turned to face me while she wrapped her fingers round his. I noticed all three couples had done this now Jessie and Jason, Jake and Jane.

“We are going to have to leave here soon. We will take you to a place even the Manakaw can’t find you- our ‘safe house’ if you will.” He looked at Jayde she jolted her head quickly then he turned back to me. “Jayde will take you, she is a lot faster than we are but we will be at your flanks ready to help if you need us is that okay?” he stood waiting my response.

“Of course but where are we going?” I asked slightly confused I thought here was safe.

“We are going back to our families house we can use the mirror there so you can get straight to your new school.”

“New school?” I cut in my voice had more surprise in it then I intended.

“you have really scared her off now ha-ha” Jayde teased “look Scarlett it will be fine it’s my first year too I will stick with you most people start this time of year, but we need to go back to our home for the holidays- their holiday isn’t the same as the human holiday- so you have a few days to chill and get used to your new powers” she seemed pleased to have explained some of my new life to me- I on the other hand- became more worried.

She kneeled down on the ground as Jack had when he had phased and changed back into the

remarkable cheetah I had first met.

“Climb on and hold on is all the advice I can give you” Jane joked pushing me towards her sister. I climbed on her back more reluctant now. Jack had been lightning fast as we sped down here, so I started to dread what was going to happen. Putting my arms in a chock hold around her neck Jayde took off shooting through the forest, quicker than a bullet leaving a gun. The leaves weren’t a blur any more just blocks of colour we were going so fast I couldn’t even see the gaps between the trees. Jayde ran so fluidly I was never jolted on her back as she gracefully flew through the forest. Behind us I could hear a succession of paws thudding lightly against the ground and the wind whistled through my hair and whipped against my cheeks burning them slightly.

Creeping forward along the horizon was a small white stone cottage. It had a white picket fence surrounding it and a little garden filled with wild flowers hugging the huge slabs which formed a path to the little wooden front door. The blur of green started to take the shape of separate tree trunks now and I waited for my stomach to catch up with me. Jayde came to a sudden stop I slid of trying my best not to be sick.

“She looks kind of pale is she okay?” I recognised jacks voice as several set of hands held onto my arms to support me and rubbed my back trying to comfort me.

“I’m just waiting for my stomach to catch up and the blood to come back to the front of my body I’ll be fine in a minute.” I said trying to catch my breath. Most laughed I hoped to my reaction of the run and not the look on my face.

They lead me towards the house laughing and joking about my little journey whilst making sure I didn’t go arse over tit. The door opened before we reached it and in the doorway stood two people, they weren’t in their teens like the others instead they looked older maybe mid twenties. On the right stood a small fragile looking woman she had thick black hair with the same teeth and eyes as the others and on her left with his arm around her waist stood a with the same colour hair and eyes with the same teeth. He was very muscular and towered over the rest of them. By his posture I assumed he was the leader.

“Come in” his voice was deeper then Jacks and very rough and layered with an ancient authority. Everyone stood a little weary as his eyes flashed left to right checking the surroundings. “She is safe right?” Jack nodded “Well then come in.” Reluctantly Jack pushed me forward through the door after the man and his partner. The inside was huge! Not small and quaint as it should be the lounge was ten times the size of my old bedroom and decorated in modern colours and furniture which was scattered everywhere and had a large fire place in the centre of the north wall that was ornately decorated and laced in gold. “How long since she became exposed?”

“Roughly an hour, but her powers were still dormant when the Manakaw attacked I tried to reach her in time but she fought them off by herself! It was an amateur attack but she wields a very strong basic power. She also used a spell without consciously knowing it.” All around the room everyone looked at me in amazement obviously impressed by whatever I had done.

“And you say the power is only hours old?” the older man muttered in absolute astonishment. Everyone’s jaws had dropped a little further as Jack confirmed this. “Well that is incredible. My dear has Jack told you what’s going on?” He asked turning to me and realising I had no idea; I shook my head still confused. “Sit her down” his voice was so authorative I didn’t need any help. I stumbled over to the sofa and plopped down whilst it swallowed me slightly. His face was sincere as everyone took a seat around me either on the floor or on one of the sofas.

“My name is John Gray and this is my wife Jasmine. Our family is very old I myself am several thousand years old. I joined my wife a little over five thousand years ago and we haven’t parted since.” They shared a quick glace and a silent moment together it was almost sickly to watch it reminded me of my mum and dad. “Her daughters and my sons also joined together and we have become known as the protectors. There are different things in this new world that pose a threat to those who use their powers for good. The Manakaw are an example of an evil force who exist in our world they feed on the souls of the powerful the three you met were only young and not very strong- but there is another family who is training them, the leaders of the Manakaw. They are the oldest Manakaw clan in existence and they are extremely powerful. There are others that pose less of a threat but the Payne’s are our main priority whenever they are within range of the ‘New Power’.” Everyone in the room was totally absorbed in his story as he carried on.

“Every two thousand years the ‘New Power’ emerges and brings with them the chance to either; abolish evil and live forever or, if defeated, evil will reign until the next new power shows themselves. In my life time there have been four types of New Power yourself included yet none have escaped the Manakaw. Last time was the worst take over in the history of man; we could not stop them stealing the power and the soul of the one who carried it. This is why man now lives in an era of war and destruction because they have the ability to turn everything evil. The oldest of the family are Cerberus and Jezebel; they have been together since the start of time itself and have not yet been defeated we have held them off but not yet has the new power escaped them.”

“So wait these ‘Manakaw’ things eat souls and they want mine? Why?” my voice was shaking due to the intense atmosphere in the huge lounge.

“Because you are the next new power and you pose the biggest threat they have ever faced. Each time the power grows stronger and more difficult for them to capture, but you have already fought off a pack of three without even trying that is amazing.” The rest nodded in awe and encouragement. “Cerberus and Jezebel will know this now they will need new tactics- fresh idea on how to trap you and steal your powers and soul. But that won’t happen I assure you. Last time they came close to defeat but not close enough last time we weren’t there to help the power but this time... we are.” His voice was sinister the passion radiated from every pore in his body as he stared deep into my eyes. I could feel the traitor tears swelling up in my eyes and the lump which stuck in my throat. Why me?

“Why me? How come I’m the new power?” I almost shouted. “Do I get a say in this can’t I just give them back?” my voice croaked as I tried to keep as calm as possible.

“Your parents knew, they knew and bound your abilities hoping this fate would no longer fall on you... destiny it seemed had a different idea. They tried to protect you- that’s how they...” he hesitated unsure whether or not to say the next word I knew it was coming either way. “...Died- the Manakaw came looking for you and got them instead which broke their binding spell. Unfortunately they left before we could get there. We thought they were after you at first so the young ones enrolled at your school to keep an eye on you but they never came, by the time they realised you were not the target it was too late. Jack wanted to tell you then and there the night you came home but I thought that would have been too much, I’m sorry I guess I made the wrong decision.” his voice was soft and compassionate now as Jayde put her hand on my shoulder rubbing it in comfort and Jane handed me a tissue.

“No you were right. I couldn’t have handled it that night, and I guess now it is better to know. May I go to bed please?” I wasn’t even late but my mind was too exhausted by today’s events I felt like I was going to pass out with the over load of information.

“Of course sweetie” Jasmine said “Jayde do you mind sleeping on the sofa tonight I think Scarlett would prefer to be alone right now...”

“Of course mum I will take her.” Jayde wrapped her hand gently around my arm and hoisted me up off the couch I took a few steps then that was it I fainted, I just barely realised the sound of several feet rushing towards me and someone supporting my head before I was out.

When I awoke it was dark someone had brought me into what I assumed was Jayde’s room. I was wrapped up in a duvet and on the bedside table in front of me lay a plate full of biscuits and a mug on the side. Steam was coming from the mug so I assumed someone had kept coming in to make sure my drink was still warm, I rolled over and lay quietly for a few minutes coming round then sat up slowly glancing at the clock, it read two AM that was good I hadn’t been out for very long. Swinging my legs over the bed I drank a little bit of what turned out to be coffee and nibbled at a few bourbon biscuits my tummy felt so much better with something in it. I could hear the TV on and people chatting quietly a few rooms down, so I threw the cover off me and stood up. I noticed I was now wearing silk pyjamas too. “That was sweet” I mumbled to myself stretching then heading for the door. The corridor was lit down to the open plan living/dining space and all eight members of the Gray family were scattered around some watching TV, others snoozing and I noticed Jayde and Jack chatting busily in the corner.

“Morning” I said groggily. “Thank you for the biscuits.”

“It’s not problem sweet heart.” Jasmine replied as she stood up to turn and look at me “I thought you might appreciate something to eat and drink you have been asleep for two days now, your body must have been craving a little sugar.” Jasmine giggled along with three other people.

“Two days!” I asked in astonishment.

“Yes” Jayde said through her laugh “you were out like a rock. Now you only have one day until school.”

“What a way to make my day remind me about starting school.” Everyone else chuckled with me.

“Pancakes anyone?” jasmine asked as she walked past me to the kitchen- her walk was even more graceful then Jane’s so fluid it was almost like a dance.

“Yes please!” numerous voices chirped simultaneously including mine accompanied by a long grumble from my stomach. Some of us stood in the kitchen and watched Jasmine flip the pancakes waiting for them to be done while other slipped out for a midnight run to check everything was ok. The aroma of warm lemon and sugar pancakes made my mouth water before one had even touched my lips and the fragrance from the kitchen was delicious.

The Other Realm.

“So...” Jayde asked as we sat down with our pancakes. “Have you looked at the syllabus yet?”

“Syllabus for what?” I asked perplexed.

“The school- we are old enough to choose options now, so we get to skip all the boring lessons... it’s like GCSEs but with like magic equivalents ha-ha.” I looked at her slightly shocked I expected... Well I’m not sure what I expected from a magical school.

“Umm I didn’t know there was a syllabus. What are you taking?” I stuffed a few giant pieces of pancake into my mouth I had a feeling this conversation was going to be a long one. I like Jayde already she was easy to talk to kind of like Hannah- she reminded me of her too- funny how I would find my best friend in a cheetah.

“Well the physics of magic sound exciting and of course the transformation class...” she was about to run off a list of her choices when Jack came running through the door with Jake, Jordan and Jason.

“GET SCARLETT OUT!!!” Jack screamed while he and his brothers spun round to shoot out the door, I chocked on my piece of pancake. Why was he screaming like that what had happened? Before I could think I was on my feet, being dragged down the hall by Jayde and Jessie. Jane had phased right in the living room and ran after her partner while Jasmine and John transformed into two giant black Panthers running down the hallway behind us covering our backs.

“Get to the mirror they can’t get through!” Jessie shouted to Jayde.

“I’ll get the key keep running.” Before I could understand what was going on Jayde snapped round changing as she launched herself over her parents back down the hallway.

“We have to get to the other realm.” Jessie explained to me as we flew through the hall way and up four flights of stairs- how could this house have so many levels? - Then dashed towards a small mirror which was the only thing on the top floor. Out of nowhere Jayde was running at our side then over took us carrying my bag in her mouth and a key around her neck she launched herself at the mirror, and instead of crashing into it smashing the mirror into thousands of pieces, she went straight through! I froze just two metres away from the mirror I couldn’t believe what I had just seen jasmine and john just leapt straight through as well.

“Come on Scarlett!” Jessie screamed at me “they are coming I can hear them hurry up!” I just shook my head unable to move my feet. “You will be fine I promise take my hand we need to leave now before the portal closes” my eyes were still open in shock as my brain tried to re-connect to my feet “right that’s it.” Jessie grabbed me around my waist lifting me up and tried to carry me whilst Jayde stepped back through the portal to help her. Everything went white for a split second, then we were on a busy street, all four pulled me away from the mirror and sat me down on the pavement as Jane, Jack and his brothers also ran through. Jack turned round phasing back to his human form and waved his hand across the glowing mirror, as soon as he did this it stopped glowing and turned into a regular mirror.

I sat on the street trying to control my breathing while the others comforted me Jayde stroked my hair and jack tried talking to me. Eventually I came round and could feel the colour coming back to my face.

“Feeling better?” Jack asked his voice was full of concern and was soft despite how low it was.

“Yes” I replied still a bit shaky “I’m sorry I freaked out it just happened so fast, then Jayde just went straight through the mirror portal thingy and now we are here. Are you guys okay? I saw you run off and Jane was so worried she ran to help you...” I couldn’t stop talking by myself so jack cut in to help me.

“The Manakaw found our safe house we’re not quite sure how yet but they can’t get through the portal- you need a soul to do that.” He muttered under his breath. “but I’m glad your okay, we should have explained but there was no time they were in the house before you were through the portal, we tried to fight them off but...” he showed me his arm covered in bite marks, scratches and blood and I noticed his brothers wore the same marks, “they will heal soon enough but we can’t hold Cerberus, Jezebel, Lamia or Seth off they are too strong- their little pets were easier to deal with.” I looked up at Jane to see if she was okay she smiled back tentatively.

“Jake wouldn’t let them touch me.” She giggled then walked towards him and gave him a big hug being careful of his new wounds then kissed him lightly on the cheek. “Come on lets go see the doctor and then you can take me shopping.” She smiled an impish grin and tugged at his hand he laughed in response and went with her.

“You do know you’re not getting anything right?” he teased.

“Yeah right.” She joked back and they walked away laughing.

“Perhaps you boys should go to the doctors too while we take Scarlett shopping for her new school stuff.” Jessie suggested then eyed me up and down. “Plus she needs some new clothes.”

“Thanks Jessie.” I retorted in jest.

“Right umm shopping sounds fun” Jason said sarcastically whilst backing away tugging at his brothers arms. “Well if you need us umm we will be... at the doctors see you.” He grabbed Jordan and Jack’s arms and they hurried away after Jane and Jake.

“Now that the boys are out of the way, let’s go shopping!” she squeaked enthusiastically. “Oh wait I almost forgot how much money do you have?” I gave her a puzzled look I didn’t have any money. Then in my bag something vibrated it wasn’t my phone because I had left that at the Gray’s house or perhaps Jayde had grabbed it on the way out? I rummaged around in my bag until I found the source it was the small envelope Alison had given me, which I thought I had left on the kitchen top at home. I opened it up to find a small gold credit card nestled at the bottom. It glowed slightly and Jessie stood mouth agape staring at it.

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Jennafina
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Quick note-- it's a YWS rule that for every piece of writing you post, you should review three or so things by other people. This will help with your own writing, and also make people more likely to review your stories to return the favor. Give it a try before you post any more writing, okay? :)

My first question: Part 2 of what? Put the name of your story in the title so we know what you're talking about.

There's not a lot of punctuation in your story, and I think adding more would really help. Read it out loud, and whenever you pause, add some sort of punctuation mark (usually a comma.) Here's how I would punctuate your first paragraph, but feel free to change it around-- it's your story.

I turned, running flat out. I felt faster, more alert; my eyes scanned everything more intensely now picking out tiny details I had never noticed before, as I sped down the road. My mind felt bigger-- somehow I could think of different things and my mind still felt unoccupied. I could hear something following me. Not human though; an animal. A big animal from what I could hear but I dismissed it: nothing that big dwelled in these forests. My run was too graceful and too fluid to be mine. I floated up the hill too quickly, and could see my aunt’s house in front of me now.


Another thing that could probably help the flow of your story would be to vary up your sentence structure. Instead of "I did (blank)" try to think of all the other ways you could phrase each sentence. Mix it up. It will make things even more interesting.

In your third paragraph, don't capitalize coat, do capitalize Jack.

“Shh” he comforted me stroking my forehead slightly “it’s ok Scarlett, I will tell you  
everything I promise but you must answer me... did they hurt you?"

Always capitalize the first letter of a sentence, even if it's in a character's dialogue. To make this grammatically correct, it should read something like this: "Shh." He comforted me, stroking my forehead. "It's okay, Scarlett, I will tell you everything, I promise, but you must answer me. Did they hurt you?

I also took out the word 'slightly.' I don't see how you can stroke someone slightly. Lightly, perhaps.

You've got a lot of great ideas in this, and I can tell you've got a passion for writing. That's awesome! People will enjoy reading it even more when it's grammatically correct and properly punctuated. A little editing goes a long way. Thanks for posting. :)



It's like being in love, discovering your best friend.
— Elizabeth Wein, Code Name Verity