Published October 7, 2008
I was happy when you held me,
When you kissed me,
When you said you loved me,
But when she came along I was forgotten.
Left on a corner in the rain,
But you didn't notice my tears.
The pain that screamed within me,
The broken heart you left.
When you came back,
I accepted you.
Only to have lost my heart,
Only to have died within,
Only to have cut deeply,
And end up in a grave.
Grieve upon me,
Feel my sorrow,
Because there will be,
No tomorrow.
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139,534 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
Great poem! I love the intense emotion that so many of us can relate to. You need to add some commas and periods to make the distinctions between each thought.
This should either say "But when she came along I was forgotten" or have some sort of punctuation between the words "along" and "I".
I really like this ending. Overall, you wrote a very good poem. Awesome job
Hello there,
I really enjoyed reading this!
The whole thing just got to me i was hooked from the beginning. I really love the originality of this
With all due respect,
Mackenzie
OMG this is so brilliant, i seriosly loved it all the way through, it was so great how at first i was kind of thinking this is just like another love poem then it changed so dramatically and swept me off my feet lol
it was amazing, i just want to read it again, it was so emotional and simple and clear, it needs punctuation but i dont care about that
great job, loved it
Great technique, emotion, and conveying of the storyline. Overall, a great poem.
I would like to hear more contrast of the happiness / sadness. Expand the first few lines into more about you two being together.