Untitled Story - Chapter 1

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

“Have a good time. See you at Christmas!” Luciano’s mum said as he run up the school steps. While he did so he observed loads of friends talking together. He must’ve been one of the very few new people that year. Luciano walked into the building and entered the bursar’s office. He knocked on the door and opened it. Luciano asked him for his locker and room keys and his timetable. The bursar gave them to Luciano. Once Luciano walked out, he looked at his timetable and smiled.

“Yes! Free period!” he whispered loudly.

OKay...well first things first, I have to say this is definitely looking very much incomplete. I don't know if its meant to be incomplete here or if you've simply uploaded only part and just haven't labelled it, but unless its one of those two situations this really won't work as a first chapter. If you want just this to remain as the full first chapter, you need to be thinking again here.

Moving past that issue, let's talk about what we do have right here...and what that bodes for this piece here. Its a very simple scene that you have here. Its just a very short scene from someone's day that doesn't seem to have much of a connection, so I'd say its a decently realistic sort of scene but there is barely anything here to make any sort of real judgement.

Overall, I think we have ourselves a start of some sorts here. I can't say too much more with the really limited information here but it does seem like the beginning of a decent scene and I'm sure there's some sort of interesting element that will come into play eventually or at least there has to be for this to be completed as a first chapter.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

V. nice, you have a nice writing style and I would enjoy reading on.

I think, sometimes, to get rid of repetitiveity (I know - can't spell) of sentence structures, you should vary them.
Instead of, this i just may opinion:

SimplyMe wrote:Luciano walked into the building and entered the bursar’s office. He knocked on the door and opened it.

Maybe:

Luciano walked into the building, knocked on the busar's office's door and entered.

Then you could describe how he entered e.g quietly.

Also, I think you should do a short description of Mum, I don't know, just add something simple like "said (and instead of said, maybe shouted, though sometimes the word "said" adds a nice simple effect) the blonde-haired smile that was my Mum"

Overall, very nice, engaging beginning

SimplyMe wrote:“Have a good time. See you at Christmas!” Luciano’s mum said as he run up the school steps. While he did so he observed loads of friends talking together. He must’ve been one of the very few new people that year. Luciano walked into the building and entered the bursar’s office. He knocked on the door and opened it. Luciano asked him for his locker and room keys and his timetable. The bursar gave them to Luciano. Once Luciano walked out, he looked at his timetable and smiled.
“Yes! Free period!” he whispered loudly.

Good start but I have one or two points that might help.

Tell the reader how Luciano is feeling , am I right in presuming that he has started a new privet school? Well if I am I would imagine he would be more nervous or existed. Secondly go into detail about what things look like when he gos to get his time table you know things like that.

But other then that, very well done. Keep it up