Its a normal Friday night of watching TV. My parents were out on the town. I didn't know where they went and didn't care at that moment of time. When I went to bed around 10pm my parents were still not home. Oh by the way this was the first day of summer break. In the morning my parents were in bed still so I left them alone. When I was done eating breakfast I went to the library to get my book for my book report.
When I arrived at the library my best friend was there so I ran up and said, "Hey Kelly!"
"Oh hi. What are you doing here?" Kelly asked.
" Just getting my book for my book report." I replied."
" Me too. Well I got to go. Nice seeing you."
"We should get together during the summer." I said.
When she left I got my book which was called, " The Summer Of Fear."
It was about 12 noon when I got home and my dad asked, " Where the hell have you been?"
"I have been at the library getting my book for my report." I replied.
" When I started to walk near Mom and dad's bedroom dad said. " Stop! Don't go in there."
"Why?" I asked.
" Its to hard to explain." dad replied.
" I am going in anyway!" I said.
When I went in what I saw was horrifying! 
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,776 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay well this is quite a simple start here. It seems we've got just a sort of normal day starting out here. There's a slight tiny bit of a hint of something that's maybe not quite right with the mention of the parents there but of course there's really nothing else to suggest that there is anything sinister to do with the parents not being there and it seems this person is also moving about their day quite normally, so let's see where this goes.
Alright that seems oddly confrontational there for what appears to be just a pretty regular sort of meeting there, and there's the first slight hint of something maybe not quite right here in what has so far been a pretty simple start here. This subtle sense of tension that's now permeating the whole thing is working its magic though.
Well...I suppose that's not exactly the most jumpiest of conclusions there to think that something horrible has happened to the mother there although of course we have no sort of concrete evidence to suggest much. But of course the implication here is quite powerful and for a first chapter that's all you need here to create a lovely cliffhanger that definitely now makes us want to read on and find out more here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hey, Goth. ^_^ Thought I'd stop by to take a peek at your writing.
Were they:
...out in town.
Or
...out of town.
When it comes to stories, I would type out the time. (Unless it's odd like 10:54
Is this a story or are you telling us about your day? o_O Never say "Oh, by the way..." Only use that in dialogue when your characters are speaking. The author never does it. You could insert this in the first sentence when you told us it was Friday night. Or you don't even have to mention this. Is it really important to your story? If so later on, then you may want to state this later on to explain why they aren't in school that day.
I don't recall your parents coming home. Make this observation here. In the morning, I noticed both my parents sound asleep in bed, so I left them alone.
Here, you could say you went to the library to finish your summer homework. Then the reader would know it's summer vacation.
You use so too much. This is a story. Make it sound like one. Be nice to the reader. ^_^ When I arrived inside the library, I noticed my best friend reading a book in the bean bags. I walked up to her and said, "Hey, Kelly." It's a library, btw, so she better keep her voice down.
Tell us what Kelly was doing when you entered the library. [i]..." Kelly asked, looking up from her book.
Quotations at the end of the sentence, lol. Comma after 'report' rather than that period.
What a friend, leaving just as her best friend arrived.
Comma rather than a period after 'summer'.
No numbers. ^_^ Noon clearly states the time, though this is probably a typo. You were a bit quick to get to the dad's question. What does the dad look like? Is he fuming with anger? Red in the face? Arms crossed? Glaring down at her?
Watch your tags!
Get rid of the first quotations before the sentence. "Dad's" should be capitalized. A comma after 'said'.
Comma after 'explain'. Dad should be capitalized. Wasn't dad just yelling at her? His statement seems awkward. Maybe "none of your business" or something to fit his character. And...why was she going into her parents' room anyway? We gotta think through the plot before we write something down on paper (or comp).
This sentence is a bit cliche. There's more dramatic endings you can write. Also, the smilie is distracting. You don't need that.
Overall...we need to think through the story. Grammar is off, the story isn't told in story format. You sound as if you're telling your best friend about Friday night. =/ Engage the reader. Also, you lack description and it's overall too short. You can definitely do better. I'd be more than willing to help you out. ^_^
Jabber, the One and Only!