Published February 17, 2008
That's it!
I can't take it no more
I hate it... here
I want to leave right now!
No one come close to me
Its at your own risk
Because I am ready to blow.
CHORUS
Leave me alone
because I am lonely
Leave me alone
because I never want to see you again!
I hope you die
I am not telling a lie
Just leave me alone
VERSE 2
Shut the door
Go away!
Because I hate you today
I never want to see your face
If you show up
I sware you will get hurt
I really don't want to but half to.
I don't know why....I don't know why.
Bridge
I'm angry
You know this
I hate you so much
I could even kill you
But if you just leave me alone
There would be no problem
So BACK OFF! GO AWAY!
VERSE 3
I am so mad at you
I am so scared for you
I am usually not like this
But I don't know why
Oh... Just leave me alone.
I am so angry and lonely
I just hate you.
Chorus 2x
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140,623 Literary Works • 673,564 Reviews
I have mixed feelings about this song. It is truthful in the way it screams to be 'left alone', but it doesn't tell us what it is mad at. Just a little hint, something about a fight or something, just to let us in on the cause of the anger.
"I can't take it no more" is not proper grammar. "Any" would be a better choice of words than "no." It just would add credibility to your lyrics.
"half" = "have"
Anyway, it was nice, but it could be so much more.
Good luck editing!
~GryphonFledgling
I thought this was okay. I am not much of a song writer, but I really can't imange listen to this on the radio.
I also agree with shanan-cat when she said "Leave me alone becasue I am lonely" didn't make much sence. I get it some what, but still.
This could use a lot of work, but I think it has potential!
Kelsi =)
I had a few problems with your poetry:
Leave me alonebecause I am lonely
This part doesn't make sense at all.
Why would someone leave you alone because you were lonely? It has no relevance to the rest of the story.
I am so mad at you
I am so scared for you
I am usually not like this
But I don't know why
Oh... Just leave me alone.
I am so angry and lonely
I just hate you.
This isn't a very good ending. I know that you can do better. Especially you.
Fix it then well see how much better you can do, o.k?
shanan-cat!
The first verse was fine, but after that you kind of just repeat yourself over and over again. We get the same message from all the other verses and even the chorus. I also agree that you should not use capitals in most pieces. If the work is strong enough we should get the idea without them.It feels as if there is something missing here.... We definitely get the point that you're mad, but thats all. Tell us why you are mad, what it is you hate, etc... Then it might be a bit easier to relate with the poem.
On a good note, I like how you left it free verse and didn't use any forced rhymes. One part I like in a weird sort of way, because it doesn't really make sense, yet I understand it is: "Leave me alone because I'm lonely."
Anyway, with a little work on adding depth and such, you could have a pretty nice piece here. Good luck!
Well to start with I will admit I didn't like this atall. I didn't feel that there was anything there, and just becuase it's a song dosen't mean it can't have the depth that poetry has.
-Do you mean do? or.... :S
-swear
And having capitals in a piece, in my opinion, isn't needed, I think we get the point and anger in the song as it states it so much without the capital letters.
Other than that it was repetitive. Sorry, this wasn't a really positive crit but...meh! It's just not my thing, sorry!
Meevs