I wish I could be perfect

Wow, very nice poem. I loved all the strong emotions. You used the word anymore a lot. Try using another word.

He is just so picky about things now.
I am doing better than half the school, but he doesn’t care.
He wants me to be perfect like all them straight A people.
You know what forget him. I am 16, I can do better.

Make sure you use punctuation.

I couldn’t wait to shoe my dad my report card,

I think you meant show.

It was a long winter day and everything was good.
I couldn’t wait to show my dad my report card,
Because I got all “A’s and B’s” again.
But he never seems to care.

All he says is “ Its ok for your age to have B’s”
He also said, “ Once you get all A’s, I will be proud.”
But what does he know.
He makes me so depressed and down about myself.

Okay, these two stanzas confused me. She wants to show her dad the report card but he doesn't care. Why even show him the report card if he is just going to cut her down? I understand where you're trying to go with this, but it just confuses me.

I [/b]was always thought to be the “mistake” of the family.
He says he loves me[b], but I don’t believe him.
If he loved me, why does he treat me this way?
I don’t get him anymore.

Overall, this was a good poem. Just try to use punctuation.

Keep writing!

Becca

I wish I could be Perfect.



It was a long winter day and everything was good.

I couldn’t wait to shoe(show) my dad my report card,

Because all “A’s and B’s” again.

But he never seems to care.



All he says is “ Its ok for your age to have B’s”

Also he said, “ Once you get all A’s I will be proud.”

But what does he know. ?

He makes me so depressed and down about myself.



I try as hard as I can.

I never get any fun time anymore.this seems a little off topic to your first line in the stanza. describe how

He wants me gone and out of his life for good.

He just wants me to be perfect and that isn’t possible.



I always thought to be the “mistake” of the family.

He says he loves me but I don’t believe him.

If he loved me, why does he treat me this way?

I don’t get him anymore.try a word other that 'get'. maybe: understand



He is practically not home anymore.

I have to do everything by myself.

I don’t know where my mother went.

So I am stuck with my dad.i don't know, this is just personally, but i think it might sound more...connected...to take out the 'my' and just say Dad.



He is just so picky about things now.

I am doing better than half the schoolcomma but he doesn’t care.

He wants me to be perfect like all them straight A people.you probably intended to use the word 'them' just for the sake of being grammatically incorrect, but it sounds a little...well, wrong...but it is...just...never mind.

You know what forget him I am 16 I can do better. i'm not sure if this makes sense...oh, wait, i got it. just put a comma after him and possibly a period or semi-colon, or something after 16



So the next morning I packed my bags and just ran away.

I knew my father wouldn’t care.

He wanted to get rid of me anyway so I am leaving forever.

I bought a train ticket to wherever it takes me.



I am leaving and leaving for good.

I said goodbye to New York and said hello to better opportunity.

okay, so overall, i liked this piece. i understand where you're coming from with it (trust me)

just watch your flow. you occasionally seem to lose track of it.

Nice job! Keep up the good work!

-GC10