stray dogs at your porch make the best monsters—
only hungry when they've lost enough of themselves to beg.
inside, someone with your face but not your heart
reloads a gun, dreams of a hunt where it doesn't kill you
to make something else bleed. some creatures are only beautiful
when pinned between your hounds and the coast, but i don't die
for free, not anymore, though you're wishing for that too.
somewhere around here, there's a version of events
where i manage to reconcile the memory of a warm shelter
with the dark now hovering behind your window: if i ever find it
i'll crawl in and sleep through the winter there, maybe even
survive the first bullet this time around. what's february like
when the gun stays shelved? what's the sound you'd miss the most
if the howl never dies out? i still want to limp back to your house
when the streetlights flicker on. the one night i did, i showed up
with the same wound as you by accident. you opened the door, said
your hot blood means nothing here, which is how i found out
that i still have any. there was no plan for you, you see.
i would only earn those if i wasn't designed to starve.
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,768 Reviews
okay, so your poetry is always awesome...
admittedly, I am a sucker for feral / animalistic imagery in poetry, so I think that it really complements your poetic voice. it's really interesting how you've taken the traditional dynamic of hunter and prey and complicate it by introducing shared trauma and the psychological effects of neglect. I think I've definitely seen my fair share of "sad stray dog" poetry, but this really does humanize (ha!) that trope instead of feeding into the cliche of it - like leaning into how we characterize monsters as aggressive instead of desperate for... something (meaning / intimacy / change).
^ I also find this dynamic interesting with the lines "someone with your face but not your heart / reloads a gun, dreams of a hunt where it doesn't kill you / to make something else bleed" because it introduces an explicit relationship with someone else; I'd assume maybe a lover? or maybe something like another version of the narrator that has grown cold and violent in order to survive, now aiming at the more vulnerable, "stray" version of themselves. it's really neat to see how your narrative voice shows detachment while also still finding a want to be seen highly be this figure, even if they might inevitably hurt them.
also, love your usage of spatial imagery here; "some creatures are only beautiful / when pinned between your hounds and the coast, but i don't die / for free, not anymore, though you're wishing for that too" is a really cool idea to me. I know that in hunting circles, driving prey toward cliffside is a classic way to trap them so they have nowhere to run but the water. I do feel like that idea isn't really going to be the first interpretation though? it's hard to figure out what hounds vs. coast MEANS in the context of the poem if you're not a hunter or knowledgable on random trivia. I'd imagine it creates a sense that the narrator is stuck feeling astray, lost, very much so doglike in that way, but I don't think it works well with the juxtaposition of the coast. freedom vs. containment, I guess, but I think you could easily use that somewhere else more effectively.
the ending also rocks! however, I do think the word "designed" doesn't fit the previous atmosphere you've been building. there is this air of fatalism throughout the entire poem, and while I understand the intentions of designed (showing that this culminating event has been destined or premeditated, that it's just the narrator's fate), but I feel it's just a very clinical choice for the ending. the narrator is born into a system (or a relationship) where their failure is a prerequisite for someone else’s change - show that!
anyways, I hope you publish more poetry since it's always a treat to read. following your napo thread was an incredible experience.
best,
chi
love your reviews as always chi! you're a master at managing to pinpoint some detail or implication i hadn't considered at the time of writing, and i always end up liking a poem more after seeing it interpreted through your eyes - thanks so much!
<3
OMG!!!
I kinda maybe zoned out while reading this, but it was amazing!!! I really liked it! It's really impactful even though I didn't understand the whole message, and that's a gift. You're such a good writer and the entire thing was so flowy ^w^
HELOOOOOOO YWS MEMBERRRRRRRR!!!!!
I am actually spellbound by this entire poem! :O! Looking at these lines makes the whole piece feel so much more intense; it is like I was right there on that porch with the "stray dogs" and the flickering streetlights! It is not just a poem about survival; it feels like a final incantation for a world where the boundary between the hunter and the "designed to starve" is completely shattering!
I am genuinely electrified by the atmosphere you built; especially that "dark now hovering behind your window." The storytelling is so vivid; I could practically feel those cold... sharp... and intense chills when the speaker dreams of a winter where the "gun stays shelved." Your choice of words are amazing! You used words like reconcile... reloads... and flicker to give the whole piece such a sophisticated yet melancholic edge.
I am so empathetic toward the speaker because they are carrying the weight of wanting to "limp back" to a house that holds a gun; it feels so real and human because we have all had those moments where we seek a "warm shelter" in the wrong places. I am totally captured by this world and that chilling ending!! I LOVE IT !!! I have no tips cuz I already love it and also I can't think of one nor see any flaws! To my eyes at least-
-Klee 2.0 Kaboom :3
Nataleee!!
Thank you for the review!! Glad it caught your attention :)