Published April 19, 2012
It was melancholy medley of death in the bathroom. - The faint buzzing of lights, the hiss of leaking toilets and the patter of the dripping blood. A decapitated body floated with its hand hung solemnly over the bath. The head blocked the toiler, facing down into the sewers .Okwe felt hot! He couldn’t justify if it was the central heating or his nerves. His heart thumped loudly, he felt the blood pump in his ears, and even they were burning.
Mesmerised, he dragged himself out of the bathroom. His lungs felt tight and he breathing was becoming increasingly wheezy. He was used to seeing dead bodies, he was a doctor after all but no amount of training could have prepared him for this!
Ideally, he’d leave the body - Hide it maybe. But what if I got caught? The illegal immigrant against their word. –
-THUD!
Before Okwe had time to complete the thought, he was struck from behind in the head. Dropping to the ground like a ton of bricks. His mind drew blank and span wildly, his eyes flickered as his conscience slipped away.
Okwe was held at gunpoint by-
-The manager.
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140,820 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Hello silver. I love to review so here I am I hope this review helps you.
Well I most certainly would add a little bit more to the story like who he killed and how they ended up in the bathroom and why he is scared of being cote and a bunch of stuff like that you may call it fluff but I think it would make it sound much better.
Why do you have '----' they do get a little annoying.
Also you have almost no commas I would cut out some of the periods that you have and replace them with commas.
Anyway ask me if you have a question about this review just send me a PM of post something on my wall.
I like this story it was well written and I wait for you next one impatiently XD so please do hurry up on it.
Keep up you writing.
May god be with you.
~Jon~