EarthFall Ch. 1

by SilverWolf

Published July 2, 2018

12+

In EarthFall

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1.

Thalia stepped onto the hover car just as the last call for boarding rang through the station, echoing in the metal rafters high above. She dragged her old, worn, and charred leather suitcase behind her and pulled her backpack’s strap through the door as its hydraulics labored to close it.

She grabbed onto the overhead railing as the hover-tram took off into the skies of Kalista, rattling the reinforced glass in the station’s walls. Below Thalia, the endless city stretched on, glowing with lights. She stared at her reflection in the window; her copper hair turned gold in the setting sun and her eyes took on the shine of someone seeing the city at sunset for the first time. The metal and glass of the skyscrapers below reflected the golden sunset, bathing the city in yellow light. The glare hit her eyes and all she felt was fire, heat, the oppressive blaze, and smoke choking her lungs. The pain seemed endless, until the car dipped back down into the city to stop at the final station, the sun dipped below the horizon and, as if a switch was turned off, the city plunged into darkness, a blessedly cool relief from pain.

Thalia hopped off the platform and stepped onto the hydraulic elevator. As she rose up to the 435 floor, her new home, she stared at the huge skyscrapers wishing she were back at home in the country. But there was nothing left for her to return to. Thalia stepped off the elevator into a room full of chatting teenagers, and to her embarrassment, all were significantly better dressed than she was. She was expecting an orphanage, or foster home; admittedly, at 15, she was a little old for one, but what else was she called here for?

Upon entering, she was noticed by one of the girls lounging on a sun colored sofa. The girl elbowed her friend and jerked her head in her direction. As the news of her arrival made its way through the room, silence fell. All eyes were turned in Thalia’s direction, and the whispering started. After standing awkwardly in the doorway for a few seconds, she was saved by a woman, about 25 with black hair and olive skin, entering the room. Her appearance immediately attracted the attention of all in the room, with her grey leather pants and a matching jacket emblazoned with a green and blue dragonfly catching the artificial light emanating from the room’s artificial illumination.

“Welcome, young men and women of Kalista. As you all know, you are here as the nominees for the 108RK Dragonflier trials” the women announced. As a matter of fact, I don't know or didn’t I guess, thought Thalia, though I seem to be the only one out of place.

“Excuse me, did you say all here, as in she is here too” commented the girl who first noticed Thalia, pointing at her. “But she’s from the outlands. And this is a prestigious group. You have to be somebody to be allowed nomination. There have never been any outlanders before.”

“Well, I hate to break it to you, but there are now.” The lady in grey snapped. “Thalia Allynka Karmati, you have the task of going first. Leave your luggage here and follow me.” Thalia did as the women told her, glancing around nervously as she followed the women through the door at the back of the room. From the glares she received as she exited, going first for the Dragonflier trials meant something to these kids.

Thalia stepped into an empty room with only one other exit. Here the woman stopped and spoke, “I am Lieutenant Jiyanshi of the 96RK Dragonfliers. Beyond this door the trial begins. You have been the one outlander allowed to take the trials. You will be under the most scrutiny. Do not fail.” Well that’s encouraging, Thalia thought as she opened the door and stepped into complete darkness. As the door closed behind her, the darkness became oppressive and complete. A sudden stream of light hit her, and she found herself falling. Falling back farther and farther into her memories, into flame.

. . . .

She opened her eyes as a tremendous explosion shook the forest around her. Fire erupted between the windows of the only home she ever knew. The dry grass caught easily and soon the forest around her was obscured by the flames, smoke, and ash. She ran, holding the few possessions she had rescued from the house. Tears of both pain and loss streaked down her smoke stained checks.

She had been upstairs when the firestorm began and she had grabbed her backpack and suitcase, already stocked with food and clothes for her upcoming trip to Kalista. She had dreaded the day when she had to leave her childhood home, but home only lived in her memories. Her parents had disappeared six months ago after traveling to Renon. Thalia presumed they had been taken along with other outlander families trying to escape the firestorms that plagued Earth’s last wilderness.

But that was behind her. As she ran she passed abandoned homes, shells which had once contained life. She saw the corpses of firestorm victims, attempting to flee. As she passed a dead man huddled over a bundle. She stopped, despite the approaching blaze, the choking smoke and fire that the harsh wind blew in her direction. She cringed at having to touch a corpse, but rolled him off his bundle, a baby boy. She snatched up the child and ran, just as the first fyra or fire hail, fell from the sky. She doggedly ran, hard pressed to keep moving with the added weight and her shortness of her smoke choked breath.

The fyra fell faster, only meters away from her. But she saw the disused hover tram platform ahead, metal, shelter, and safety. She collapsed on the platform as the flames erupted around her. She coughed and coughed, but nothing could ease the pain in her smoke choke lungs. She still had enough sense to use the little water she had to soak an extra shirt, rip it and tie it around her face, and another for the baby, before lapsing into unconsciousness.

She awoke briefly as she and the baby were lifted onto a hard metal surface by strong arms. Through the haze she saw she was on a metal dragonfly. Remembering the firestorm, she looked up and only saw ash. She closed her eyes and surrendered to the darkness.

She awoke again, sat up, and almost fell a thousand feet to her death. A hand shot out, grabbed neck of her jacket and pulled her into a seat behind them. “If you aren’t going to fall asleep again, try to stay in your seat, there are harnesses.” She looked around, noticing the four wings of the dragonfly fluttering almost too fast to see them. She glanced down and found the harness, which she used to clip herself in.

She then had time to notice her surroundings. She was not in the ash ridden forest any more, but over a city. Buildings towered above asphalt coated streets, not a plant in sight, save for the rare roof garden. “Is this Kalista? And wait, where is the baby?” She said suddenly panicking.

“Here if you wouldn’t mind holding him” said the figure in front of her, as they passed the baby boy back. “We are not in Kalista, this is the suburbs. Kalista is much newer and larger, nothing like these lowlander buildings. I am Torin, of the 96RK Dragonfliers, and this,” he patted the dragonfly’s metal side, is Ksaka.”

“I am Thalia” she replied, “Thalia Allynka Karmati”. Torin jerked his head around at hearing her name.

“You sure?” He asked.

“Yeah, I think I would know my own name.”

“Alright, but if you are lying…” He trailed off, and directed Ksaka in a new direction.

They flew for an indeterminable stretch of time. Over rivers, and bridges, roads, people, buildings. Thalia gasped at the height of the skyscrapers, the number of people, and even the occasional other Dragonfllier. Once she thought she saw a building made almost entirely from plants and yet it was as tall as any other skyscraper. When she asked what it was, Torin told her it was the Agriculturalists’ Headquarters. And Agriculturalists were year 6 on the job cycle.

Torin explained that your job depends on what year you turn fifteen. The cycle started over after twelve years, with 1 being Builders, then Mechanics, then Weaves, Miners, Health Care, Agriculture, and so on, ending with Dragonfliers. He explained how you had to be nominated and then pass a test to enter, or be put in the military, where after two years, you could request a transfer. If you were not nominated you also did the same as the people who failed the test.

Though he explained how the job cycle worked, and answered many of her questions, Torin never explained what his job was as a Dragonflier, or what year it was now.

Finally arriving at the platform of a hover car in Kalista itself. “Take the hover car to this address”, Torin said handing her a square of paper. “They’ll be expecting you.” She stepped onto the hover car just as the last call for boarding rang through the station, echoing in the metal rafters high above.

She continued drifting through various memories, from the day her parents disappeared, to the day she turned eight and her parents told her of Kalista and Renon, and the war. After what seemed like all her memories had passed before her eyes, she blinked, and found herself again in darkness.

Thalia spun around, and then sat down in shock, wiping the tears off her face. How cruel is it to show someone their dead, or lost, parents? To show them their whole life as if it was only a story? She took a deep breath and gathered herself. She stood up and walked around the dark expanse of room. Surprisingly, it was hardly more than a closet, not that she could tell in the dark. It took two long steps to reach each corner from another, though the darkness made the space seem endless. She noticed a door on one side or rather its outline, however Thalia was sure this was the way she came in. If she left before asked, would she fail whatever crazy trial thing this was supposed to be? The outline faded into darkness again.

Though it was not complete. Another door was outlined in a silver glow in behind her, opposite from the one she entered. She waited until she could see the handle. Thalia pulled open the door and stepped out onto a ledge and looked down, and down, and down. She only saw clouds below, in the gap between two cliffs. Across the gap of what must have been over 100 feet, was the exit.

Comments & reviews · 2
restlessheart14 wrote a review Review · Jul 2, 2018

Wow this was really good!

I was on my seat's edge the whole time! Figuratively ;) This story idea seems very original and that's a feat in itself. I really liked this whole piece, especially the names. Good strong protagonist names can make or break a story in my opinion and you crushed it. I love your setting and the hierarchy you hinted existed could make this an interesting story idea already.

~

"As a matter of fact, I don't know or didn’t I guess, thought Thalia, though I seem to be the only one out of place."

I noticed you chose the 3rd person limited point of view. There was a section a little ways above this line that described Thalia's thoughts without the use of "I" and I think it may be helpful that when using "I" in the third person when describing the character's thoughts to put that thought in Italics...if that makes sense? To better clarify its her personal thinking and not what the author is saying the character wondered.

One more nit picky thing... I got confused in the transition between Thalia running from the falling fyra and getting into the dragonfly aircraft because you mentioned everything went black which made me assume the simulation had ended. Which as a result caused me to think everything after was happening in real time. It may help you audience to put something in there that may help the reader understand she still is in the test :)

Overall, great work! I look forward to reading more about this story idea :)

Thanks for the feedback, I hadn%u2019t realized that when I copied it over the italics didn%u2019t move over too. And that%u2019s a good point about the transition too.

User avatar
Sheadun
Review
Sheadun wrote a review Review · Jul 2, 2018

Hi!

It's SheaDun here for a review :) (PS. Welcome to the site! Hope you love it!)

Overall, great novel here. Wonderful plot line. Reminds me of other dystopian novels that I have loved in the past. I really liked the writing style. I felt as though I could truly envision what Thalia was going through. It was expressive and interesting. I will check back again, for sure.

And here is some constructive criticism for you to ponder over. My first suggestion is changing the grammar before quotations. As an example, “Welcome, young men and women of Kalista. As you all know, you are here as the nominees for the 108RK Dragonflier trials” the women announced . Instead of leaving it off after trials as ", it might be good for you to add a period: ...trials." the wom*a*n announced. (Also small spelling mistake!).

Also, there were some parts of the plot that could be developed more. By this statement I mean adding plot points, emotions, filling in with more information, etc. One such example of this is creating the baby. Is the baby crying when he is pried from the dead man's arms? Is he limp, or kicking? Is he an infant, or an older baby? Also, how does Thalia know it is a boy? Either identify this, or change it to 'baby' instead of 'baby boy'.

One more thing, how does Thalia identify that it is more than a closet, when she can't tell? That is just a slight plot hole. You could completely cut that out, or change it so that Thalia can see, but just not as well as she could have hoped.

Great job! Of course you do not have to change anything, but I hope you take my suggestions into consideration. I hope you found them helpful! :) Make sure to keep writing! And welcome to the site again!

Sheadun



It is only a novel... or, in short, only some work in which the greatest powers of the mind are displayed, in which the most thorough knowledge of human nature, the happiest delineation of its varieties, the liveliest effusions of wit and humour, are conveyed to the world in the best-chosen language
— Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey