Hi Silver! I thought I'd drop by with a review for this lovely piece. Is this because I majorly procrastinated for the Last Reviewer Standing? Definitely not, shhhhh
I think this poem is a really great example of how you can use subtle repetition in a way that drives the poem home without feeling gimmicky or overdone. It doesn't feel like the phrase "some things break like a..." is controlling the poem or forcing it into a certain shape, it's just complimenting the contents in a way that is natural. And I especially like how you're not afraid to play around with it a bit, like tacking "and" or "because" in front of it, or pulling a plot twist at the end with "some things are broken like you are."
Speaking of that plot twist -> I found it really interesting that you choose to end with the poem pointing out that the person being addressed is broken! The imagery leading up, throughout all the poem, seems to center around images that reflect the narrator's own brokenness, so it feels a teeny bit subversive to change that at the last minute. I quite like that, because makes it feel like the poem actually resulted in a significant development or new thought; like it actually moved somewhere from where it started, if that makes sense.
You've got some really fabulous images in here. I think my favourite part is the second half of the second stanza:
there is just enough spite and crookedness
in me, in my mirror, to hold myself together,
down to these veins that fracture me,
but yes, you really should ask me why this shattered.
The competing images of crookedness and fractured-ness and being held together by those things are just super compelling.
Another one I absolutely have to point out:
and some things break like a heart did
when the tree finally started believing in the axe,
because whewwww is that an intense couple of lines </3
There's only one place where the image doesn't quite make sense to me, which is the first half of the second stanza. I'm not sure if I'm just being dumb and missing something obvious, but I'm finding it hard to picture exactly what is being described. Maybe it also has to do with the punctuation there? I'm not sure. Actually speaking of punctuation, one thing I do notice is that the only punctuation you use in the entire poem is commas and periods - this is mostly a taste thing, so do feel free to take it with a grain of salt, but I personally prefer when there's a bit more variety, with at least a couple dashes or semicolons or colons, especially in such a long poem. I find it often helps to create a more interesting flow, and sometimes it can even contribute a bit to the tone of how you read certain lines.
In terms of interpretation, I think it's a pretty "straightforward" poem for lack of a better term. I read it as a narrator finally admitting to themself that they've been in an abusive relationship, and trying to come to terms with that. There's a really powerful tone of defiance that you carry throughout the poem, like the narrator is releasing or freeing themself by finally letting all these thoughts out. A lot of the more informal phrases you use, like "but yes, you really should ask me why this shattered." or "but that's not what i want to talk about." or "and as you would say, beautifully." feel very personal, and I can imagine the narrator delivering them in kind of sarcastic tone.
Overall, I really really enjoyed reading this (as I do all your poetry), and I hope this review proves useful for you! Let me know if there's anything you'd like me to expand on/have any questions about!
Keep writing <3
Seirre
Points: 22123
Reviews: 455
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