These are the moments
that are best spent
worshipping the great white beast--
cradling death, an ugly child,
who bites the arms that feed it;
the faint, halting limbs
that shove dripping sustenance
down its fat, cold throat.
((It's not very long, nor very good, but thank you for reading!)
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
this piece have potential re-read and elaborate and hopefully you would lengthen your piece. i was a bit confused while reading this and did not find the true meaning to your work.
Hey Silver
I have come to review your poem. Despite it being short, I really liked it. So this review will take it step-by-step.
"These are the moments
that are best spent
worshipping the great white beast"
I really liked this stanza. For several reasons:
1) It had nice flow.
2) Your use of language is subtle.
3) It doesn't seem overwritten.
I love your use of "white beast"; it's creating an image that the child is unwanted. It is almost as if the child shouldn't even exist if the mother is thinking about a beast, and comparing it to her child. This message is cold, and therefore may suggest an abortion.
"cradling death, an ugly child,
who bites the arms that feed it"
Again, this suggests abortion. Well in my view, but still. The mother can't handle having a child, and is suggesting that her child will be evil. An alternate interpretation is that the child is ungrateful.
"the faint, halting limbs
that shove dripping sustenance
down its fat, cold throat."
I presume the "sustenance" is baby food. Or could it be something else...? I love how you've used "halting" to show the baby wants to attack the mother, but has no power in doing so. The baby having a "cold throat" is also symbolic as it represents the baby has no feeling, and no soul.
Despite it's length, I enjoyed reading it! Well done.
Thank you! I've never thought of it in that way. It's really interesting to hear what others think. Did you see anything/would you like to share anything that I could, in your opinion, make better?