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The Eulogy of Samuel Wright

by Sillia


As written by Jeanette Park:

Sam was born on November 23rd, 1924. He died as he lived, with honor and pride. Sam...was my best friend. He gave me the courage to be me and to realize that not all monsters take the shape of something ugly. If not or him...I wouldn't be here today. We grew up in a small town in Maine and he was my escape when things just got to bad. That's just the kind of person he was. Selfless and always taking care of others before himself. We always told him that would be his downfall. He never stopped blaming himself for the death of our dear friend, nor stopped fearing that he would become the monster that everyone made him out to be.

His favorite color was green. Not the dull kind that we all walk on without thinking, he would say, but the one that would scream radioactive. His favorite animal was a raven; for they are beautiful even when surrounded by death. Sam...well to put it lightly was an oddity. He opposed what society told him to be and was honest and true to his values until his last day, a quality that is rare to find in today's society.

Sam was....beyond an outcast when we were children. For a while I refereed to him as "that Wright boy" because that's how he was introduced to us. "He's a monster Jean." They said. We are all monsters in our own mind. We twist and distort the image until it fits the world that we live in. Sam held strong while the world pointed it crooked finger and laughed. If this life downfalls to where we mock people for their beauties, then this is not a life that I want to live.

I like to think that Samuel is now among our passed friends, racing hell like only he knew how to do. He made me into the woman that stands before you today. He touched our souls and forever will be in our hearts. I can hear him now, mocking the sentiment that lays here before him. For him. He always wanted to go down in a blaze of glory, much like all of us dream. "One they'll write novels about" He said.

Samuel died saving my lief. And that is a debt that I will never get to repay.

Jeanette Park


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Tue Dec 27, 2016 6:25 pm
Craz wrote a review...



This is Craz with a review!

"Sam...was my best friend."

There should be a space after each ellipsis (the "..."). Just a small error, but I see you do it throughout the chapter.

"If not or him...I wouldn't be here today." (para. 1)[b]
"He made me into the woman that stands before you today." [b](para. 5


I feel that the "today" part is a bit repetitive. Maybe try opting out of one "today" for the other?

"Samuel died saving my lief life."


I don't think this flows very nicely from the first chapter. It's a bit abrupt, and it summarizes the same points over and over again, only reworded. I think it would fit much better as a prologue instead of a second chapter, as it is also a bit too short. I like the idea of Jean narrating her memories of the events in the present and then eventually leading up to the present and then going on and etc that way.

I'm a bit unsure of the point you're trying to convey with this. It doesn't further the plot from the first chapter, nor does it accurately summarize the amount of time from the first chapter to whichever point in time you might be jumping to. As a suggestion, I think you should be a bit more descriptive on the incident you're foreshadowing. While sometimes being vague about something is a good incentive for readers to keep reading, you're a bit too vague here.

I look forward to reading more of this series, though!

~Craz




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Sun Nov 27, 2016 4:10 pm
Kaylaa wrote a review...



This is Kaos here for a review!

There's a lot of grammar errors and punctuation problems running through the story, so I suggest you proofread through the story before you post. It makes it harder for the reader to read and it may dock off points in the mind of the reader for being a bit of a strain on the story. I suggest using a grammar checker as well just to make sure, but they don't always catch everything like comma splices or anything of that sort, so it's always better to also have a set of human eyes along with it, yours.

A lot of this is info-dumped onto us as the readers and I think that's the biggest crime of what you described as a prologue. Prologues are something that should be able to add something to the story but not necessarily have to be read by the reader to get the actual story. Prologues are like bonus points to a quiz, or some other metaphor to insert here. Something that I'm glad happened was that this prologue didn't drag on for forever like some do and those tend to get boring easy.

Back to info-dumping, a lot of the information was dumped onto the reader by the main character, or seemingly main character, ramble on about it. The idea of this being a eulogy makes up for this but you can still make one of these without dumping all of the information onto the reader. Being a eulogy, I thought that it was getting there on capturing that feeling and I wanted it to be more of a fake thing coming from the main character, since it is something like that. It would add least add a twist to it.

I hope I helped and have a great day!




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Mon Nov 21, 2016 7:49 am
Casanova wrote a review...



Heya, Sillia! Casanova here to do a review!

The first thing I'd like to mention is the length. It's rather short, and I appreciate that. My mind, at times, wanders on long paragraphs and I can't focus enough to do a review sometimes. But, here you are with a rather short chapter, although it is a eulogy. Which I think is supposed to be longer, but don't take my word for it. Anyway, on to the rest of the review!
The first thing I would like to mention is paragraph breaking. You do this for actions, different ideas and thoughts, and dialogue. You fail doing this with dialogue, and with the different ideas. I would suggest looking through your work and chopping the paragraph at the dialogue. Here's an example of both line breaks-

His favorite color was green. Not the dull kind that we all walk on without thinking, he would say, but the one that would scream radioactive. His favorite animal was a raven; for they are beautiful even when surrounded by death. Sam...well to put it lightly was an oddity. He opposed what society told him to be and was honest and true to his values until his last day, a quality that is rare to find in today's society.

Sam was....beyond an outcast when we were children. For a while I refereed to him as "that Wright boy" because that's how he was introduced to us. "He's a monster Jean." They said. We are all monsters in our own mind. We twist and distort the image until it fits the world that we live in. Sam held strong while the world pointed it crooked finger and laughed. If this life downfalls to where we mock people for their beauties, then this is not a life that I want to live.


okay, so the first paragraph. It seems, could be chopped at a few places. I would suggest chopping it off at Sam was an oddity- I think that would clear that up.
In the second paragraph you could break it twice. Once at the dialogue,"He's a monster Jen."Leaving you with-

"Sam was....beyond an outcast when we were children. For a while I refereed to him as "that Wright boy" because that's how he was introduced to us.
"He's a monster Jean." They said.
We are all monsters in our own mind. We twist and distort the image until it fits the world that we live in. Sam held strong while the world pointed it crooked finger and laughed. If this life downfalls to where we mock people for their beauties, then this is not a life that I want to live."

I think that clears part of it up. Now, the second place you could break it is,"Sam held strong..." But, that's authors for you. You do you, I'm not even sure you'd have to break there. It's just an idea.

Anyway, that's all I have to say about this one. I hope this helped, at least a bit!

Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on!

Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron




Sillia says...


thank you :)




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