Our Little Secret

Our Little Secret

There was a time when we hold our hand like nobody is watching, like we don’t give a shit to people, like we are made for each other. But now the story is different and it will be different for some reasons, I am sure there will be a reason and I want that reason for you to treat me like this.

So our little secret starts when we met each other, we were in college and luckily in same section same seat same friends and same group.

How love story starts? It starts with two people who are totally strangers and one fine day they meet and made promises to love each other until it lasts.

Our story also starts as strangers and love each other until it lasts.

First day of my college all strangers few will be my friends few don’t like me and few think I have an attitude it doesn’t matter I am who I am, need to be confident enough to face them and make friends to survive for now. This is all I am thinking and I saw a girl her looks, innocence on her face, cuteness overloaded just wanted to see her like this and want time to stop so I can nurture her presence in my mind permanently.

As college starts our studies also start I just want to sit with her make myself visible to her all the time so that we can start talking and my imagination come true. I was just thinking these things and professor gave us assignment on the spot and we have to complete that assignment in teams. Teams divided by our professor and I genuinely want her to be in my team, Professor made me leader of my team and while she distributed team I crossed my fingers just to have her in my team by the end I heard her name my eyes to the professor were like please send her in my team and yes my eye magic worked what a moment when she walked in my team I see a smile on her face I think that was my first eye contact with her, she looked beautiful.

Professor assigned assignment to us and we have to complete that task on time but first as a team we must know each other, I started my introduction with the team and suddenly I asked her about who she is and all I don’t want to listen anyone else except her. When she told me her name that moment gives me some sort of relief, some medicine to my distraction, some music to my ears when I listened her name.

I don’t want to miss any chance to be around her helping in assignment, be a member in presentation and be a member in group discussion, just to be around her. We have to make a group on whatsapp just to prepare our presentation and share to the person who is compiling, I got her number finally we can can start our conversation the first time I said Hi to you on whatsapp and you replied to that message I think there were some connection between us we both had some kind of spark and our conversation starts and I don’t know the connection we are building or other thing our conversation lasts when we get to know it’s morning we have to reach college on time we were talking over text but it seems like we are talking over phone and all things are so natural.

Slowly slowly she opened up I got to know her secrets and her fears, I also shared my fears my past I know she can keep my secret safe as I keep hers.

We start talking over phone when we see each other now we hold each other’s hand, in every fight I was with you in emotional breakdown I was with you my love for you was increasing day by day and I know you love me more than I do.

As we were sitting in our group I am holding her hand tightly I don’t want anything in my life but friends are friends they sent her to buy something so that they can talk to me they accused me for not giving them time as I have nobody inspite her and gradually I am realizing they are also important part of my life I should give them time too.

From this thought our differences might start when she was with me and I am with others try to look good in their eyes but I realized what if she didn’t like all these things I don’t want to loose her so I made her a part of the group so that I can spend time with her and my friends too.

I was with her all the time in every good or bad situation but inspite of trying these things she always take me for granted, her love is real but the way she showed was not appropriate for others and I want all to feel the same love what I feel but her love makes me weak everybody feels so do I.

One of her friend introduced her to a guy and she got concerned about him eventhough she was with me but she always have a concern for that guy inspite of me, the love I wanted the care I wanted I think her past took place of that. She was with me but talking to him made me his wisher whatever he wanted you do and I do things just because she asked me to do and at the end he wanted things she took things from me and gave it to him first time it broke my heart and I started to realize that our little secret for love was took over by her past.

I had a past too but I didn’t reflect that past in my present I don’t want us to suffer like I suffer in my past. There is saying Don’t make your past reflect in your present it can ruin your future, so the past ruined our future her past was so dark that it reflected in our present and my love can’t do anything our talks ends up in a fight and understanding is missing.

Every problem has a solution I too have a solution to confront everything to her and I feel in that vary moment when we confronted I feel more connected to her, she put her points I put mine and we understand each other’s point we realized our mistakes everything is back at that moment the feel, love, holding hands, cute talks I think never give up attitude worked, I got my love back the way I put finger in her hairs just to keep that side from her face so that I can see her face, kiss on her cheeks, hug her tightly, stare at her like nobody’s watching, feeding her from my hand she liked it.

Our little secret is how we fight from our past from our insecurities the way we confronted each other. Love make things more possible then we thought so every relationship secret is Trust, Communication, Respect, Care and Understanding, If we have these things relationship gets stronger and one day you will fall in love as I do.

Comments

Points: 150
Reviews: 1

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Sun Jun 20, 2021 6:29 pm

Teuhcatl wrote a review...

Hi there! I'll be reviewing for you today!

So the story is considered romantic and realistic. I don't disagree with the second choice of realistic because it does focus on something that can happen in reality. I don't agree with the choice of romance though, but I see why you decided to pick it. I don't think of a more toxic kind of love when I think of romance, but it could be seen as switching it up or just a part of the romantic realm I didn't explore before.

The introductory paragraph is definitely realistic, but I wouldn't say it's the same romantic as you might want it to appear. The teller of the story could be considered blinded by the person they trust the most, who would be their lover. It's not a good look for a protagonist in this situation, but the idea of it is something to keep around. The character thinks a lot with their actions and how they speak, but they don't really feel anything, which could be seen as another flaw of sorts.

I've read my fair share of ending romance and similar topics, and the most important part was how the characters were developed. If they are purely focused on the romance and led on like the one here, it shows in the thought-based and overwhelmed vibe from the writing. The novel Gone Girl and all of the After series would be victims of the toxic love trope, but the actions the characters do have a personality and a goal to them. One of the ways people described it as "a toxic mix of sharp-edged wit and chilling prose that creates a thriller that confounds you at every turn."

I'd suggest taking your characters, writing down a few questions, and then answering them as your character. It helps me when I write prose so that my characters seem realistic and have emotions, so it could possibly do something for you here. I also suggest taking a look at your story's timeline because the scenes go by so quickly, and that might be causing some minor issues with the feeling of everything being monotone.

Best regards,
Tez.

Points: 13187
Reviews: 185

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Wed Jun 09, 2021 1:23 pm

FireEyes wrote a review...

Hello Shreyak! I think this work deserves an incoming review!

Story Line
I think you made an excellent choice in writing your character. Our narrator here is so head over heels for this girl that he didn't see the slightly toxic traits she had. But something that stands out from your character's formula is that the girl isn't trying to be toxic. The traits are most likely scars or coping mechanisms she used from a dark past. With help, those traits can be diminished. And they way you ended it off, makes the read really feel that their relationship was slowly developed, with real connection, and not just infatuation. I think that is really well done, especially with so many people growing up with the not as forward thinking Disney movies.

Grows
While this story is beautiful, I found some correction you might want to make. Throughout the whole story, there are a lot of run-on sentences. This is the one I found to be the biggest offender.

We have to make a group on whatsapp just to prepare our presentation and share to the person who is compiling, I got her number finally we can can start our conversation the first time I said Hi to you on whatsapp and you replied to that message I think there were some connection between us we both had some kind of spark and our conversation starts and I don’t know the connection we are building or other thing our conversation lasts when we get to know it’s morning we have to reach college on time we were talking over text but it seems like we are talking over phone and all things are so natural.

It looks like a whole paragraph when in reality it is on sentence. If you look for where you naturally want to stop, there should be a period. And make sure it is a complete thought. Like this,

We have to make a group on whatsapp just to prepare our presentation and share to the person who is compiling. I got her number finally, we can can start our conversation, The first time I said Hi to you on whatsapp and you replied to that message, I think there were some connection between us. We both had some kind of spark and our conversation starts and I don’t know the connection we are building or other thing. Our conversation lasts when we get to know it’s morning; we have to reach college on time. We were talking over text but it seems like we are talking over phone and all things are so natural.

The bolded are things I inserted. See how many periods I used in that sentence? The pacing of your story makes it seem more rushed than it needs to be. Some full stops would help it be grounded a little bit more.

One last critique is this part right here

We start talking over phone when we see each other now we hold each other’s hand, in every fight I was with you in emotional breakdown I was with you my love for you was increasing day by day and I know you love me more than I do.

Our story is very set in first person for the most part. The beginning is sort of ambiguous, but for the actual story it is in first person. Is there a reason you switched over to second person? It is a one-off use, so this could simply be an error but if you intended it for something different, feel free to keep it the way it is!

But that's all I have for today's review. Keep whatever feedback you think is helpful. This is a great work and it stood out to me from the casual love stories I had been fed as a younger child. Keep on writing! Anyway byeeeeeeeeeeeeee