Sea's Lullaby by Shooting Stars
The ocean current gently caressed my hand, a cool and comforting touch against my warm skin. Foamy waves slowly danced to the rocky shore, a soft song lulling me to sleep. The sea beckoned me to wade deeper, to let its calming waters hug me tighter. It didn't want me to leave, even though the sky was sprinkled with winking dots and the silver moon hung above my head. I knew I should go, but the persistent tug of the tide kept me.
Water swirled around my sand splattered feet as I took a reluctant step forward, the smooth floor below me squishing between my toes. I drew in a deep breath, the salty night air filling my lungs. Pushing my black bangs away from my eyes, I dove under the surface of the ocean. A soothing coldness washed over me as the water surrounded my body, and bitter saltiness settled on my lips.
When I couldn't hold my breath for another moment, I pushed up for air. I rose above the icy surface, my long dark hair plastered to my face and my emerald eyes sparkling.
The sea level was at my waist at that point, tumbling against me and forcing my weight down. I obeyed. An ocean breeze delicately brushed my rosy cheeks as I ducked beneath the steady waves once more.
This time, as the familiar sensation of the ocean swallowed me, I decided that maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I stayed here, and never came back up for a breath. I squeezed my eyes shut stroking the sea's sandy floor, listening to its haunting lullaby.
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139,546 Literary Works • 672,605 Reviews
WOW!! WOW!!! WOW!!! That took my breath away. These are beautiful word strung together. I am so in love with this story like no joke. The only thing I thought that did not belong was with you talked about your hair and eyes. Yes, it helps us picture you. I think your man topic was the sea, I just don't think that belonged. I truely love it with all my heart... GREAT JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey!
Wow this is really nice.. I really like the imagery. Your descriptions are awesome.
One of the only things that bugged me was that almost every sentence is broken by a comma. There aren't really any straight sentences. I kinda felt as though I was moving forward but then being pulled back, over and over again. Still, if that's your style, then stick with it. Just a thought.
Also, when you said "lush lips..." I don't know, I know what you mean, but would you really use "lush" to describe lips? That might be just me, though.
Anyway, all together it was very nice. I really got into it, even though it was short. Keep up the good work!
Yeah, I'm not quite sure why I did that... ??? "Lush lips"... oh, well! I changed it!