Published November 18, 2011
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139,717 Literary Works • 672,662 Reviews
This was really good. I love how you used band names. I don't know most of them but I still like it. I think your only fault is the very last line. I understand it's australian, I think, and all but i think that bit should be fixed. Other than that I love it. Keep writing
Lol, yah some of those band names did throw me off but it's still good. To get it more, I actually read in a slam poetic fashion and it actually comes out really good. What I can't say is that I like your ending because it comes off as being awkward and it could also confuse your listeners because they could mistake that you were going to keep going but you didn't. Usually the end is suppose to calm down a little bit and have that little moral or something but you missed that. Look over the ending. Good luck and keep writing.