An Initiation

Heyo! Just doing a quick review! (Welcome to YWS by the way!)

First off, let me just say that this was a REALLY good poem, in my opinion. I really liked the message that you conveyed in it, and I thought that it flowed rather well to make you really GET the message as well. My favourite lines/phrases were:

What is the first step of initiation? I believe it is imagination!

I believe we should always do what the heart says Even though the brain analyses the task in better ways

Even if the out come is the worst

Atleast the bag of experiences will get happy

Shi! Welcome to Young Writers Society So I'll just review now, umm..
To start off, the title is very intriguing, and I think that it fits the work.
I did notice that you used quite a lot of exclamation points that I do not think we're nessisary, even if you are trying to convey a heavy emotion, you could have used a few less.

"Everyone imagines their every work first!
Even if the come out is the worst!"

These two lines need a bit of work. On the first line, I tripped up on it a lot, it took a long time to figure out what it said and meant because you did not use the proper wording. Maybe try to make it a little easier to understand if possible, and add a comma at the end of this line instead of an exclamation point.
On the second line, put a period at the end of the sentence rather than another exclamation point. The two lines look much better with different punctuation.

"I believe that we should always do what the heart says,
Even if the brain anylyses the tasks in different ways!"

I know that we should follow our heart, but tell me something that I don't know. A much, much stronger, more meaningful emotion could be put here in the first line's place.
The second line doesn't rhyme with the first one. If you try to make it rhyme, it sounds weird.

The rest of the lines are really cute and energetic, but really try to minimalize the amount of exclamation points. It makes the work sound more mature and helps people to take it more seriously

Overall, you did such a great job considering this was your first poem that you posted on the site.
I hope this didn't sound too harsh, but it's just an honest opinion
Good luck, keep writing!

Hi Silver here! Welcome to YWS! I'm just going to jump in with this review alright? Okay, well first of all I thought it was so clever that the first poem you posted was talking about initiation and taking a first step, very nice! I liked the motivational and inspirational mood that your work offered from start to finish. Unfortunately there were some errors here and there, but that's why I'm here to help!

Starting off, you have the small mistake of having its instead of it's, but its a mistake I make all the time. Get it?

Next there's a slight error in the rhythm of the poem in the third and fourth lines. The third line has too many syllables while the fourth has too few. If I may give a suggestion, perhaps change it to;
EveryONE imagines their every work first, -maybe have a comma here instead?
Even when the OUTCOME ENDS up the worst! -"is" sounds quite awkward

Also in the fifth and sixth lines you rhymed "toughest" and "conquest" together, but technically it's a slant rhyme. I mean you could probably get away with it but if you want to perfect it you might want to choose a different rhyme, perhaps change the word conquest because I'm not sure about the use of that word (again, you can get away with it so it's purely your choice).

In the seventh line maybe you should switch "then" with "of if", but that's just to make it smoother.

I'm sorry but I just wanted to say I really like the ninth line-it really hit home.

The tenth line doesn't really make sense, especially because it ruins your rhyme scheme. So far you had had ABAB rhyme scheme, but your ninth and tenth lines didn't rhyme.

I'm sorry to say that the eleventh and twelfth lines were also slant rhymes, I really did like the message in them though. Also you didn't really need the comma after "step" in the eleventh line.

Happy and heavy don't rhyme either because "-py" and "-vy" but I love "bag of experiences" and that you're saying it'll get heavy, it was a wonderful metaphor.

Finally, the last line was a little too short, so it didn't flow as well and had an awkward end.

Of course, these are all small, pesky errors and it's up to you whether to take my advice or not or if you want to take only some, it's your choice! But I really did love the message in your poem, and since the main problem with the work was some small rhyming errors, I empathize. As someone who loves writing poems, I know how hard it is to find the perfect word and structure. Keep writing and I hope to read more of your work!

Hello, and welcome to YWS! I'm herbgirl, here to give you some advice on your poem.
To start off, I'd like to say that I like your poem, just the general idea. It's true, everybody needs to just get out there and try, even if they are starting at the bottom. It's a very good first poem, but I still have some suggestions for you to make your poem even better!
Ok, I'll start with grammatical stuff. I suggest just reading through the poem again, because it seems like you may have typed it in a hurry, there are a variety of simple errors. I'll try to point the majority of these out to you. In the second line, "its" should have an apostrophe. Next, in the fourth line, "out come" should be one word. In the fourteenth line you are missing a space. I think that's all for grammatical stuff, but I would read through it carefully one more time anyways.
One thing that I would suggest doing, (remember, this is JUST A SUGGESTION your poem is fine as is) would be to remove some of the exclamation points. I understand that they are there to express your enthusiasm, and that's great, but I believe you may have over-used them a bit. For example, in the second to last line. This is a specific place where you could have used a comma instead of an exclamation point.
Anyways, good job! A very sound poem, and a fantastic start! I hope you enjoy your time here on YWS!
herbgirl

Hey there. I'm Jonathan, here to review your poem! Let's get right into it.

I think this is a poem with a lot of potential. You've set down a strong foundation here, and I'm excited for you to build on it. I think you have an ear for rhyming and rhythm. Are you a musician/drummer? It feels a little like it. Anyway. I'm going to suggest three ideas that you can take or leave-- it's 100% up to you. So let's get started!

First: rhyming. As much as I love what you have here, I would suggest that you read your poetry out loud before you submit it. There are a few non-rhymes here, like 'says' and 'ways'. They look like they should rhyme, yeah, but if you actually read the poem out loud, you realize that they don't. 'Says' is 'sez' and 'ways' is 'weighs'. Also, 'step' and 'regrets' is a bit of a stretch. Now, normally I wouldn't even talk about this because similar words can do the same job, but your rhymes seem to be the driving force behind this poem, and I'd hate for it to skid to a stop in this way.

Second: structure and punctuation. I'd love to see you be more creative with structure here. I think that the punctuation after every line, while sometimes perfectly fine, is kind of cluttering up this piece, especially the exclamation points. I would use the exclamation points more sparingly. It'll help you create a nice flow and your readers will have a better experience.

And finally: I'd love to see some imagery or description here. You don't need flowery language or beautiful pictures to create a concrete idea in the audience's minds. I think you could make this really physical and talk more about what you imagine and how you imagine it to make this poem really good and really engaging. It's tempting to talk on a surface level, but when you really buckle down and start creating these images, you'd be surprised at the world you can create. I believe in you and keep writing!

Jonathan

Heya, Shivanjali! First off I have to say- WELCOME TO YWS! Glad to have you on board! This place is quite lovely! I'm Casanova, and I'll be your first reviewer I guess!
Anyway, I like the poem. Steady punctuation, good meaning, steady capitalization, and it's not too short but also not too long for what it is. You kept the idea flowing, stayed with it, and pulled out a really great poem from your newbie hat(I'm kidding!)
Anyway, the rhyme scheme. At first you keep it flowing, typical AB AB AB things, then at the end you switch it to where it doesn't rhyme. Personally I don't mind rhyming poems, but it did throw me just a bit of yours. The lines in mention are,"Even if I fall, I will be happy! Atleast the bag of experiences will get heavy!" The things I found that were off about this was- In the first sentence I don't think there should be a comma. It's a correct sentence without it, and it doesn't seem like a good flow with a pause there. To correct it, in my personal opinion which you in no way have to listen to, should go"Even if I fall I will be happy!"
the next thing in those lines I noticed was,"Atleast." It should be written as two words, and not one, because it is two words.
The last thing I noticed was the ending rhymes,"Happy," and,"Heavy." I mean, it's okay not to rhyme, but it just doesn't, to me, go with the rest of the poem.
All in all this is a pretty decent poem, I really liked it.
Hope to see you around the green room!
Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron