How can ever it happily grow,
the flower bud who would never know
that it brings a smile to you,
that it opens up life for you.
It doesn't need much
except your caring touch.
Your affectionate eyes,
or the pleasure of your sight.
If you had praised it just once in a while,
it was sure to have blossomed into a flower spreading smiles.
But you didn't become, for the bud, a hopeful ray
and you became a part of the bud's dismay.
Because no love, no appreciation it bore,
the bud's life was happy no more.
You were too late to say a word
because the bud had left the world.
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I like the way it related to everything. Not just a flower. It reminded me that love leads to growth. Love the message. The mixed order of the words make it seem a little too forced for me. Maybe focus less on rhyme and more on the flow.
I think this is a great poem. There is just one thing I would fix:
that it brings a smile to you,
that it opens up life for you.
I would not use the word you twice, and try to use another word! The lines I liked were:
f you had praised it just once in a while,
it was sure to have blossomed into a flower spreading smiles.
But you didn't become, for the bud, a hopeful ray
and you became a part of the bud's dismay.
Because no love, no appreciation it bore,
the bud's life was happy no more.
You were too late to say a word
because the bud had left the world.
I think it was sweet, and when I read it, I think of a Beautiful flower growing up, in the spring. This was a beautiful piece! Kepp writing!
~Chrissy321
Aaaaaaaah wow lol
Fancy here.
Well it started sweet cute and caring then you get to the end and aaaaah that was sad haha But it is great! The flow was there the grammar was on point! It is relatable if you put this view of love trust any thing really how you have to care for it to grow. It was super well written and i loved how you worded it!!
LINES I LIIIIIIIIKED!!!
But you didn't become, for the bud, a hopeful ray
and you became a part of the bud's dismay.
Because no love, no appreciation it bore,
the bud's life was happy no more.
You were too late to say a word
because the bud had left the world.
The transition was wonderful
Grate job
Wow! I really love this!!
There are no grammatical or spelling errors here, either.
But, there is one thing. If I were you, I would change "But you didn't become, for the bud, a hopeful ray/and you became a part of the bud's dismay." to "But you didn't become, for the bud, a hopeful ray/INSTEAD, you became a part of the bud's dismay." Just like WaltzingDreams wrote.
But, all in all, this was a great piece and you are a very skilled and talented writer!!
I really love the ending the most and the whole thing mostly because it was a symbolization of so many things!! Great job!!
Keep Writing!!,
~Tiff
Hello :>
. I found it cute, especially in the ending. Though I suggest for you to be a little more clear on some parts: "But you didn't become, for the bud, a hopeful ray / AND you became a part of the bud's dismay." in this context, you can exclude the "and" or replace it with "instead"
hope you continue to grow in writing
)
Just a few comments... This one was a good one
that's all!