Elegy for the Son of Man

The only thing I can criticise is the repetition of the word "apple" in the first line but other than that... it was flowing and.... natural.

It rhymed? O_O Oh yes, it did. Gotta agree with Inertia there - very natural, I pretty much didnt notice it flowed so well (and trust me, I usually notice ). I have to say, I loved this one Incan. I really did. The picture link just enhances it (and it made me laugh too). I especially liked "How you trembled like aspen" - the placement of that line made the line itself seem to shiver, suspended between two stanzas. And "a halo of small thinking" was very striking too. And...well, I think I'll stop there, it's late. A simple "Bravo!" will have to suffice for now

Very different. I enjoyed reading this, especially the way the sentences run.
I liked the way you used the names he was called. It not only makes you think about those poems, it gives this man a past.
Great job!
Pandora

Splendid. You brought this faceless man to life - gave him a past, feelings, even to the point where we almost know him. I must admit that without the picture link I would have no idea what this is all about, but once the picture adds to the piece it really comes to life. Also, the rhyming was perfect - it was so natural that not until my second read did I consciously realize that it rhymed. Nothing more to say really, as I can't see anything wrong with it.

Great work.

lol ok,

i liked it cuz it was something really different.

ANI,


While I am glad you enjoyed it, if you can't tell me why--then, that isn't very useful, is it? Part of being a good critiquer is knowing what you liked, or didn't.


Thanks anyway,
Brad