Heyo, Sheyren! I'm here to leave a quick review. I haven't read any previous editions, so I apologize in advance if I get anything wrong.
The tone of Frost Lark News reminds me of the few episodes of Welcome to Night Vale that I've heard. From what I've read of this so far, it subverts reality while retaining onto enough of it to give a plausible setting (if that makes any sense at all).
Obviously, that's not a believable story. So, I went to check the records noting who first founded Cloud Ice as a way of proving my outlandish story,
Two instances of "story" used in close proximity. I'd switch out one "story" for the word "claim" or something similar. Otherwise the flow of the paragraph ends up sounding a bit odd.
The little sections are short but sweet, providing humorous insight into the world that has been created. The name "Frost Lark News" leads me to believe that this is an entire newspaper, although I could be wrong. However, I do wish some of these sections were longer and expanded a bit more on the absurdity. Like the section on gun control, for instance! "Many citizens have begun complaining that gun control should not be so strict, or even exist." I would love to have read about a brief overview of the event that triggered such complaints to happen in a large enough scale for a gun to be appointed to the town council. Perhaps also naming a specific gun would add to the tone. "The first gun, an AR-15 originated in California, is now allowed to represent all weapons[...]"
Learning more about Frost Lark wildlife would be interesting! If frogs are sentient and can be on the Board of Education, then who knows what the deer and the fish could be doing?
It appears that both Mayor Clayton and Co-Mayor Reeds do not wish to shut down the Stone Edge Library, but failure to follow orders given by the Bivoclar Lizards will result in assassination.
Expanding on this would also be nice, going into how Skyla Holt managed to find out about how the Bivoclar Lizards ordered the shut down of the Stone Edge Library. Perhaps a quote taken from an anonymous source that smelled suspiciously like maple syrup, or something else that seems to follow normal things expected in investigative journalism and then is subverted at the last sentence.
I'm the journalist. If they got rid of me, who would deliver the news? I'm right, right? Right?
The sentences hightlighted in red are a bit awkward and draw out the joke for too long. Keep it short, keep it sweet, and let the reader naturally the sentence without drawing too much attention to the fact that the journalist is probably in danger. To aid in its hilarity, it might be good to cut down on Skyla being doubtful about about their safety. "I'm the town's journalist. Getting rid of me would leave the masses ignorant, so they definitely wouldn't do that."
This proved to be a nice read! I might end up following this. Let me know if you have any questions or comments! Keep on writing!
-Castor
Points: 0
Reviews: 324
Donate