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Frost Lark News 3/19/98

by Sheyren

Frost Lark News 3/19/98

By Daniel Survell

“New Land Claim”

On Thursday, a new plot of land was claimed by the Travellers and their new acquaintance. It is a plot of land bordering Frost Lark, but for now no info has been released on why it was purchased. It is very possible that they intend to make a new town altogether. Otherwise, I can't see why anyone would claim land outside of the town. The problem with this lies in the poverty of our town. As is, we are already poor enough, and a neighboring town requiring the same resources we use will mean neither will have much of these resources.

“Board of Education Meeting”

Yesterday I attended of Board of Education meeting so that I can voice the opinions and thoughts of the board to the greater public. After attending, I truly pondered how to explain their thoughts and plans. The issue with all of this is that the Board of Education is made up entirely of sentient frogs, and while they think like humans, they still communicate through croaking, and I was unable to understand a thing they said. So, I must apologize for my inablilty to relay their meeting, and can only offer the suggestion that next time I attend I am accompanied by a Frog Speech Specialist, preferably one with a larger right hand than left, because I have learned through the years that they are better at their job.

“Not Sponsored!”

Readers, we here at the Frost Lark News Printing Facility are not sponsored by anyone but the Bivoclar Lizards, and it is unusual to provide advertisement for a business not paying us, but several days ago I went to Los Cencerros Son Ordenados, a primarily Mexican food restaurant, and was blown away. Overall, everything about it was fabulous. The food did not taste like the heavens, which is a good thing, because the heavens taste a little like rotting grapes and olive oil. The customer service was perfect, especially when the camels delivered the drinks. To summarize, I rate Los Cencerros Son Ordenados ten out of ten, and would definitely go back.


Knock knock. Don't open it.

It's that Russian soldier again.

Ugh, stop knocking.

Honey, could you go tell him we aren't buying his tortoises?


Du bass vu Är Zäit. Dir duecht, dir mech outsmarted, geheit Iwwersetzen dëse Wierder am Google. Ma Bäscht. Ech geschriwwen nëmmen dat ze weisen ech outsmarted Dir. Gesinn? Ech kann Iech Zäit Copy Paste saachen maachen Offall. Iwwerdenken Är Wäerter.

Ah jo, ech geschriwwen och dëst well Lëtzebuergesch cool kléngt. Mä meeschtens Dir fir markéiert. Also, äh, jo.

Survey/Suvyay/Surevey/Cirvey Time

How do you spell survey?

a) Survey, duh.

b) Survyay, because they make you go “yay!”

  1. Ëmfro, because Luxembourgish is a cool language.
  1. Spelling is overrated.

e) None of the above.

"New Land Claim"

The Travellers have informed us that this new town will be called Cloud Ice. I must say, it's a nice name. Almost as nice as Frost Lark, but I say almost purposely. Cloud Ice is creative, but it also makes no sense, let's face it. A cloud of ice? Clouds are inherently not solid, and ice is, so it's contradictory. They also informed us of who shall be their first mayor, and our mayor will soon go to speak with her. The mayor will be a woman named Skyla Holt.

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105 Reviews

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Reviews: 105

Wed Jun 21, 2017 4:11 pm
Danni88 says...


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3746 Reviews

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Mon Mar 27, 2017 12:01 am
Snoink wrote a review...

Haha! So, I clicked this because it was in the green room, but I have to say... it's delightfully bizarre, quite creative, and very fun. I think my favorite part is probably the Luxenbourgish advertisement, because I pretty much burst out into smiles when the Google translator told me what it said!

I think your weakest bit of news is actually the first... when you're a new reader (like I am), you're not really sure what this about, so you're not quite sure that it's satire , until you get to the second part, in which it ends up that frogs are speaking for the school board (LOL) in which you're quite clear what to expect! But, the first bit of news definitely feels heavier than the rest, which are strange and bizarre and delightful.

This sort of bizarreness actually sort of reminds me of Ankh Morpork, with a little dash of Monty Python. It's quite awesome. Keep going with this! :)

Sheyren says...

Thank you for the review!

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58 Reviews

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Fri Mar 24, 2017 4:25 pm
Anniepoo103 wrote a review...

It is so neat to see you typing things up like this. I feel like it is nice to put sources such as this one on the web for others to see. Many people don't have a lot of access to old papers. I believe that if you keep doing this others may realize how people have felt in the past. Because our world is taking a turn for the worst, it is a good way to remind people of the good values the citizens of America, and countries all over the world used to be.
I hope that you will post some more stuff like this. I do have a suggestion though. I would stop including the lines that say there is an ad. Maybe, you could upload an actual photograph of the paper. I'm not sure how the editing on here works for such things but, I just believe that it would be cool to include the image so people can see the adds and other things on the actual paper that you may not have included.

Sheyren says...

Thank you for the review! This is actually a fictional story in writing, and this town and these papers don't really exist. Its not so much in this paper, but most of them include funny satire and humorous weirdness. ;)

Feltrix says...

Maybe you need a disclaimer.

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61 Reviews

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Reviews: 61

Sun Mar 19, 2017 8:29 pm
Feltrix says...

The luxemborgian completely predicted what I did.

Did the Russian soldier change to the tortoise selling because strawberries are illegal? That must have made the market drop.

Sheyren says...

[s]you're thinking too much about ad spaces

Don't you realize I put half a minute into them They are almost never relevant to the story xD

But yeah that is why the Russian soldier is selling tortoises

I'm not so good with the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
— Chandler Bing