Young Writers Society

It’s huge!!! Congratulations on writing such a big poem.
I liked it and I admire your rhyming skill greatly- you rhymed all the way till the end!!
The 3rd line-“There’s no one here with which to talk” shouldn’t it be:
“There’s no one here with whom to talk”??
And you’ve missed the apostrophe in ‘it’s’:
“Before its too late and their eyes they close”
I love: “Where nightmares round your head do chase...”-well done!!
And the last stanza is so great.
Also, thanks a million for complimenting my poem “Your Eyes”

Thanks! I'll look into that.

My Road I think the title needs some work. As you say in the poem, its not just your road, and many others follow the same one, so something more along the lines of 'the well traveled road' or something like that.

Here I am, alone I walk
Down roads of rocks and ice.
There’s no one here with which to talk
They left after giving advice. Good stanza

The wind bitter and cold
Freezes the tears on my cheek.
Such miseries mine as never told.
I crumple on the ground so weak. The third line doesn't fit as much, but the rest is good

What’s the point of going on?
I’ve lost my very last friend.
Everything I live for is gone.
Let my life come to its end. Good, but a but cliche

Confused and empty inside,
I feel nothing but pain.
I wish for warm arms in which to hide
But cold and alone I remain. Good imagery here, I like it

My friends said they’d be here
For me when I fell
But cold, darkness, and rain bring fear,
They ran. I’m on my own in this hell. Cool

Look into my eyes, read my fate:
To die. A broken lonely wretch.
Take me from this world of .
My arms upward I stretch. This is nice!

Raise me up on gentle hands,
Lift me to the light.
Help me on my own feet to stand,
Point me to the right. A bit abrupt, but ok

I’ve been fighting so long.
I can’t give up now.
Maybe I’m wrong
But I'll keep trying somehow. I like the turn of events

Though I’m lonely and cold,
Out in bitter wind and rain,
Eyes full of pain untold,
I’m going to try again. You sort of repeated yourself with the wind and rain thing, although its a good reminder

Maybe I’ll make it, maybe not.
It’s doubly hard on your own,
But I’ll give it all I’ve got
Until I make it home. I like this stanza

And in my grave with battles done
I’ll feel cold no more.
Over pain I will have won.
Resting with those gone before. How come 'I' decided to try again, and now they're going down again?

I’m sorry that life has been this way
With pain, wind, rain and cold.
Walking alone day after day
Eyes tear filled and old. Repetetive again...

Reach out your hand to those
Who, like me, tread along this road
Before its too late and their eyes they close
Help them with their heavy load. Nice

No one can reach the end without
Someone to lend a hand.
It’s too late for me there is no doubt
But help those left to stand. Hmmm.....interesting

Don’t let them fall into this place
Where no one can survive
Where nightmares round your head do chase...
You don’t even want to stay alive. This is sort of a different imagery to the rest, but good

Down here in hell it is too late
The strongest hand can’t lift me out
I’m left alone to my awful fate
Of life and love without. Wow....

This is very interesting, and challenging!!!! I think you did a very good job. It started to get a bit long by the end, but none the less, an awesome job

Here I am, alone I walk
Down roads of rocks and ice.
There’s no one here with which to talk
They left after giving advice.
The third line needs a ; at the end. The fourth line doesn't really fit with the rhythm. Making it a little smaller might be better.

The wind bitter and cold
Freezes the tears on my cheek.
Such miseries mine as never told.
I crumple on the ground so weak.
The first line needs a comma in between wind and bitter. Good stanza.

What’s the point of going on?
I’ve lost my very last friend.
Everything I live for is gone.
Let my life come to its end.
Good work on this one! I have to say this is my favorite stanza.

Confused and empty inside,
I feel nothing but pain.
I wish for warm arms in which to hide
But cold and alone I remain.
Another nice one. I like the details.

My friends said they’d be here
For me when I fell
But cold, darkness, and rain bring fear,
They ran. I’m on my own in this hell.
In the first stanza, I think you mean 'there', not 'here'. The second line would sound better if it was 'But the cold, darkness, and rain brings fear,'. You can see I added 'the' in between 'But' and 'cold'. The third line could use a little editing, maybe 'And now I'm all alone in this hell.'

Look into my eyes, read my fate:
To die. A broken lonely wretch.
Take me from this world of hate.
My arms upward I stretch.
I really like this stanza. The second line could use a comma in between broke and lonely. Also, the last line doesn't make sense. Maybe, 'My arms; upward they stretch.'

Raise me up on gentle hands,
Lift me to the light.
Help me on my own feet to stand,
Point me to the right.
Well done. The third line could use some editing.

I’ve been fighting so long.
I can’t give up now.
Maybe I’m wrong
But I'll keep trying somehow.
First line can be 'I've been fighting for so long.' Notice the 'for'.

Though I’m lonely and cold,
Out in bitter wind and rain,
Eyes full of pain untold,
I’m going to try again.
You already used 'bitter wind' in the second stanza. Using another adjective would help. The third line could use a comma between pain and untold, but that is optional.

Maybe I’ll make it, maybe not.
It’s doubly hard on your own,
But I’ll give it all I’ve got
Until I make it home.
Reading 'make it' again in the last line after it was said in the first ruined it a bit. Maybe changing the last line to 'Until I get back home.'

And in my grave with battles done
I’ll feel cold no more.
Over pain I will have won.
Resting with those gone before.
Great stanza. Perfect.

I’m sorry that life has been this way
With pain, wind, rain and cold.
Walking alone day after day
Eyes tear filled and old.
Nice. The last line was greatly detailed. The first line needs a ';'.

Reach out your hand to those
Who, like me, tread along this road
Before its too late and their eyes they close
Help them with their heavy load.
The second line seems a bit forcefully rhymed, it doesn't make sense. Taking away the 'they' would make it much better, I think.

No one can reach the end without
Someone to lend a hand.
It’s too late for me there is no doubt
But help those left to stand.
Nothing wrong with this one.

Don’t let them fall into this place
Where no one can survive
Where nightmares round your head do chase...
You don’t even want to stay alive.
The '...' in the third line is not needed.

Down here in hell it is too late
The strongest hand can’t lift me out
I’m left alone to my awful fate
Of life and love without.
Wonderful, powerful ending.

Overall this is a powerful poem. Very good work.
Well done.

-*Twinkles