The world churns under slick rain
Sabotages booted feet
Twists away
A deep, angular breath turned sideways
Rakes at your lungs
Raw with terror
Claws of earth and flesh tremble
Anticipating the inevitable
Descent?
White eyes gleam—blue on the inside
Tarnish the blackness
Scream aloud
Tumble downward as the earth delights
Hands, elbows, chest
Stay
Teeth flash while the owl sings
All but himself rendered
Inane
Breathe.
Fear screams away in the darkness
A nightmare expands
Leaps off the page
Stand up.
Legs threaten
Ascend
Fight to bow
You could force his hand
Flip the cards
3, 2, 1
All at once
Taste blood in your mouth
Stand up and be killed
Or lie down and die
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Canary word: Present
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
Hi!
I love the spirit you put into this poem. You've injected a lot of emotion into it: that was great. I just found it a little hard to follow at times. I agree with Tenyo: this seemed a bit like a movie scene. That isn't a bad thing, it just made it a little confusing.
Again, I love the spirit. Be killed fighting or die lying down.
Well done, and God bless, and keep writing,
Ignis (:
Hey there Shepherd
I found this poem difficult, and I'm not sure how it can be improved. I didn't really understand what the point behind it is. Most of it is just random images that seem to pass by without making any sense. Some of the lines and sentences don't make sense, and I had to go back and read over them to understand.
In some ways it reminded me of a movie scene, with memories or scenes flickering right before someone wakes up, except that nobody wakes up. It just ends with some fight-like phrase that doesn't conclude what the rest is about.
I think if there is any deeper meaning to this, it's buried too deep.